A Positive Affirmation

Affirmation: The assertion that something exists or is true.

I was having a conversation after the consumption of many drinks, with a friend. I've kept it in the back of my mind for a couple of days, mulling it over, considering every angle, puzzling it's definitions, contemplating it's existence, comparing it's contents to situational observances. After all of this meditation, reflection, musing, I have come to a very important conclusion.

Nothing.

That is my conclusion, nothing.

I can tell you that you are a beautiful person but it's up to you to choose to believe it. I can tell you that you are worth the world after so many have made you believe that you are not but it's up to you to truly see in your heart your worth as a person. I can't take away the pain of a broken heart, I can only try to make you smile and I can't take away your tears, I can only hold you when you cry and dry them when your done. I can tell you that no matter what happens to us in this world, you will always have my deepest friendship, my loyalty and above all else my unconditional love. I may not talk to you for years at a time but you can still call me up and I will be there for you faster than you can ask me. I may not like or approve of some of your actions, it may make me angry but that doesn't mean that I love you any less. I love you and always will, the dynamic of it may differ through time but the love never fades, it grows every time I see the light of your heart. You will always have a place in Bex World.

A Positive Affirmation.
Affirmation: The assertion that something exists or IS true.

I am Bex. I exist. I am true.

I do not choose my clothing based on what someone else may think is attractive, I do not put my makeup on because someone else may think it's pretty, I do not subscribe to conventional beauty ideas. My body is not perfect, I do not look like a super model, I do not have long flowing hair, I do not have flawless skin, I will never look like the cover of a magazine.

I choose my outfits, shoes, makeup, jewelry on a daily basis, based on what makes me feel good about me. I have short hair because I look good in short hair and it's comfortable and easy to maintain and in all honesty some of the devices and hair care products that people with long hair have to deal with kinda intimidate and in some cases down right fucking scare me. Those devices look like something straight out of the Inquisition! 

I do not have tattoo's because all the cool kids have ink. Each is a story, each tattoo is a permanent reminder of some situation I overcame. Each is a reminder of victory over adversity.

I have pink hair because I like it, I look sexy in pink hair and it suits me both physically and my personality. I don't color my hair pink for anyone else's approval, I do it because pink hair is mine, it is Bex.

I am Bex. I look the way that I want to look, act the way I want to act, I have my own individual beliefs, I am truly my very own and no one here or in the after life will ever change who I am. I will always speak the truth to myself and also to you. I will not conform my beliefs, my value's, my personality, my appearance or my life. You may not love me but you at least have to respect me for that reason alone.

I may not be 18 year old super model pretty but I am gorgeous and painfully beautiful in my Bex way. I am beautiful because I smile a real smile not one created by plastic and expensive dental work, I laugh a real laugh from true feeling, I love true and deep because it is real and not fake.

And you may think that this is about you but it isn't. This is about me reminding myself of how lucky I am to be Bex because sometimes even I can lose myself in the day to day trivial bullshit.

My conclusion of nothing is because I can't make you see yourself as I see myself or even as I see you. It's something you have to come to on your own. You have to see your beauty and your self worth and your inner light. I can only show you and tell you but you have to be the one to believe in yourself.

I am a very self assured person with one hell of a healthy self esteem and I know for a fact what my self worth is. Sometimes I wish I could lend that out to people I know for just 5 minutes.

Till Next Time,
BEX :)

Some casual observations for you

I've been noticing that the News recently is lacking something very significant, such as, oh I don't know maybe, NEWS. Seriously I do not want to see that a dog named Cooper likes to ride in the sidecar of his owners motorcycle and a major headline is not a family of morons standing on the side of the road waving thank you signs at firefighters in Colorado. And no I do not want to hear that the lead singer of Sugarland is pregnant because I don't give a flying fuck. I generally watch HLN because the news anchors are fun and they're usually on the ball with breaking news. Lately I've found the news faster online than what they're reporting.

That wild and crazy world leader Putin met with our President and relations between the 2 of them were showing signs of strain. Really?? Now there's something new, a world leader showing strain speaking with our President, hhhhmmmmm........could it be because our President is an alienating asshole that has isolated every single one of our allies with his single minded agenda's? Hell Syria's President Assad was one of our closest allies up until last year as was Mabarek in Egypt and Netanyahu in Israel. He ostracizes any leader that doesn't tow the line for his agenda. At least the fences were mended slightly with Israel so far but I don't know how long that duct tape will hold. And it kinda cracks me up that he's pissed off at Putin for supplying Syria's military because we're supplying the Rebels.

Oh and let's not forget Obama's blatant disregard for our own governments legal process with that new immigration law he just passed for anyone that was a child up to 30 years of age that entered our Country illegally. Hey thanks Obama! I don't qualify for food stamps, medicaid or any other social program but now the illegals can get free food, health insurance, scholarships, small business loans, home loans, car loans. That's awesome! So while Obama is doing all of this for people that aren't even citizens, that broke the fucking LAW by entering this Country, I ask you this: What's he doing for us, the citizens, the people born in this Country LEGALLY? Where are the jobs, the loans that don't require perfect credit scores, the health insurance and assistance with groceries? Where is the help for the real people of America???

Everyone is so saddened by the passing of Rodney King, the "Snooki" of the 90's generation. Yeah, I said it. Rodney King was a fucking media whore that profited off an amateur video that only showed the last 5 minutes of the incident. Yeah he was beat by the cops. But does anyone remember that he was doing 110mph on the highway, refused to pull over because he KNEW a breathalyzer would have put him 2 1/2 times the legal limit thus violating his parole which he was on for armed robbery, he got off the highway and proceeded to speeds exceeding 80mph through a RESIDENTIAL neighborhood. When King finally pulled over his 2 passengers exited the vehicle without incident, nothing happened to them, do you understand that? Nothing happened to his passengers. King on the other hand threw 2 police officers off of himself, punched a 3rd officer, got tasered, stood up and went after the cops which promptly turned into the beat down the public saw 3 minutes of. Rodney King was no civil rights hero, he was no activist, he was no one to be idolized by a community unless your community idolizes 3 strike felons. King was a manipulative media whore that strategically released books and interviews as his bank account saw fit. All you liberal cry baby's can shed tears but I say good riddance to another criminal and leech.

Okay, okay, okay. I know, I'm climbing off my soapbox. Here's some funny stuff to get you through the day!

Kurt Cobain's daughter Francis Bean Cobain (right there should have been the first clue of copious drug use) is offering $5,000 reward for her missing cat. Am I the only one that thinks her mom, Courtney Love came to visit and accidentally ate the cat while she was high? C'mon, it's not by a long shot the craziest thing Love has done, it's a plausible theory.

Microwave cooking directions on food is obnoxious. I pulled out a package of frozen burgers that my mom gave us the other day and I'm reading the instructions on how to nuke these tasty, convenient slabs of processed yumminess. "Cook for 65-75 seconds then let stand for 1 minute." Wait, wait, wait. Your telling me these assholes couldn't just write "Cook for a minute 5 seconds-1 minute 15 seconds." seriously? It was too tough to write that? Instead I lost 10 seconds of my existence because to me, in my mind, it became one of those horrible word problems from math class. A train left the station in Chicago heading to New York travelling at 100mph and the driver had 2 1/2 times the legal amount of alcohol in his system..........42! The answer is always 42 and yes I know where my towel is, thank you Ford Prefect and Arthur Dent!

Little things like that annoy me to no end.

 Till Next Time Faithful Readers,

BEX (you'll find me in the second booth at The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe because I give up on Earth)

Are you F***ing kidding me?????

In a previous blog titled "No, shit ma...there we were" I explained a day in Bex World. Most of you would think that days like that are a rarity, a fluke. In all actuality I have days like that constantly! "Murphy" loves screwing with me on a day to day basis. I'm sure in your warm, comfortable, safe life, faithful reader that your thinking that I may be exaggerating or embellishing these little stories but if anything, I'm understating allot. Again, I usually keep this my strictly business blog but I think due to circumstances we'll make an exception. And the story begins like this "Once upon a Saturday........"

Fade to 24 hours ago......

Friday. Friday should be a happy day. It's the beginning of the weekend! Parties, concerts, BBQ's, beer, friends. I love the weekend because I honestly never know what it will bring. I've honestly attempted to lay low for the past couple of days, just wanted to ride out the rest of the week and get to the weekend but evidently the Universe thought differently!

Friday began in an off manner. I wasn't hearing from someone important to me, the feud between mom and I came to a full blown explosion when I found out she was sticking her nose where it did NOT belong and I jacked my neck up sleeping! Who does that?? By the time my roommate showed up, I was a hair away from just losing it completely. As shitty luck would have it, both my roommate and my son were sleeping elsewhere. Generally I love it when that happens and would have loved it except that my important person decided to disappear completely, *Poof* gone. If misplacing people were a super power, I'd blow Stan Lee's fucking mind!! So I sat and watched TV by myself and drank some beers. Super freaking boring. I truly thought that was a bad enough end to a crappy week. Let me put this past week in perspective for you, it was so bad that speaking to my son's dad's wife was the highlight of my week. Yeah....

I wake up much earlier than my brain deemed necessary this morning. Thankful as all hell that it is cloudy because I honestly do not think I could've handled Sunshine. I wake up and the stupid damn cat is sleeping on my face. Awesome because I'm allergic to the stupid damn cat! Oh, hilarious, my eyes are so swollen from the stupid damn cat that I can barely open them! Still no word from the important person, okay we will proceed with the broken heart at full speed ahead. Okay well, let's go make some coffee. Made myself something to eat while I'm waiting on the liquid happiness to finish brewing! Except that the liquid happiness machine decided to be possessed by some truly malevolent spirit and I did not notice. Poured myself a cup of liquid happiness not looking, took a sip and very nearly died. I like strong coffee but this was utterly and completely undrinkable. It was quite literally the consistency of sludge from the bottom of Onondaga Lake. And tasted what I would imagine to be about the same. I quickly slammed water to try to get that out of my mouth while looking at the machine and realizing it only brewed half the water for a 10 cup pot, the other half of the water is now a small pond on the counter. Okay, well....clean everything up and decide to go do something harmless like check my email. HA! I'm sitting at my desk and I realize the cat is meowing in a weird way and there is a scratching noise. And it triggers a memory. A few months back the stupid damn cat was in heat. Always a good time but this time, the only time in 4 years, my female cat scented, sprayed what ever you call it, right into my $500 designer fucking handbag. Are you fucking kidding me??

I jumped out of my chair when realization hits me like a brick wall, there's Cuddles spraying to her furry little heart's content in my walk in closet, right in my laundry basket, looking up at me with big innocent kitty eye's. Oh come on!!! Really?? Chase her out of my room, trip over air, land on my face. Yeah, okay....Now I have a bruise on the side of my face and a strip of rugburn and my neck feels like someone took a bat to it. Stupid, damn cat stops looks at me and prances, PRANCES away! I said screw it and mixed half a sludge with some water because honestly I'm really fixing to snap now and there's only 4 beers! I'm sipping my sludge when I hear Cuddles again, sounds like she's in the hall so I go look. Nope not in the hall, it's coming from my room. There her little furry highness is in the closet spraying my backpack. 7 Hell's! Chase her out and slam the door this time.

There was an actual hour of quiet, a whole hour.

And then my son's stepmom called me again. The drama my egg donor began at the start of the week came to an explosive end. It's gotten so spun out that she'll be lucky if the cops aren't called on her and they don't charge her with kidnapping.

Want the true kick to the ball's? It's only 2:30 in the afternoon.

Will a faithful reader bring a Bex a beer?

Till Next Time,

BEX Giving Up!

It Feels Good To Be......ME!!!

Which is funny because there is absolutely nothing happening in Bex World right now. I'm waiting on someone to get in touch with me so I'm kinda stuck in a hold pattern, waiting to land. It should annoy me because I hate waiting and I really hate when someone thinks it's okay to keep me waiting, it's not. For those of you that get a kick out of my knack for injuring myself, I have managed to screw up my neck twice in two weeks. Can you guess what I was doing to sustain an injury that feels like whiplash? Jesus, you guy's have some seriously smutty minds! Get your mind out of the gutter! I was sleeping. Seriously. I hurt myself sleeping. Freaking hurts and of course I never relax, I carry all my tension in my neck and shoulders so as you can imagine, it feels like getting hit with a bat constantly. But it honestly does feel good to be me. I'm not going to stress about other people and once I am done writing I am going to prop up on my pillows and read. I am not going to rush the day and I am not going to let the little things or things I have no control over or small minded people piss me off like they did yesterday. Liberating, isn't it?

Today's news was rather banal, so I switched it off and turned on my tunes. I just retrieved some of my "Lost" music so it's been a minute since I had listened to it, it made me dance. Sometimes in life you have to stop for 5 minutes and dance, no thinking, just let go and dance.

Before switching off HLN News, there was a story that made me giggle a bit. In Missouri, a woman was caught shoplifting in a Wal-mart. Okay, big whoop, right? Except she had a portable meth lab in her purse and started making meth in the loss prevention office! Really wish they had caught that on a viral "People In Wal-mart" video. Really?? Your waiting to be arrested in a loss prevention office and you begin making meth? WOW! Even I can amuse myself for a half hour in a boring office, how bored was she? I want to know 3 things, 1) What went through the cop's and manager's minds when they caught her making meth in an office waiting area? 2) Please oh please tell me what excuse she gave! 3) How big was that fucking purse!?! Is a purse portable meth lab even possible? I just know what I see on TV and the labs are always big enough to explode your trailer and the next 3 trailers down, how do you fit that in a purse?

Bex Rainbow Shout Out goes to Fort Polk, Louisiana! They had a same sex marriage on post in a church despite the fact that same sex marriage is against State law there. It was an active duty soldier holding a private ceremony on a military base, perfectly legal. Ha, fuck you bigoted law! Of course the local news crew found the toothless redneck that commented "I just don't believe those people have a place in our military." Well Johnny Q. Backwoods, I got news for you and this may come as a shock....Gays have been in the military since the dawn of time, sunshine, they just don't have to hide anymore. However, Mrs. Johnny Q. Backwoods went on camera and stated that she was all for it. I think her lack of teeth got considerably less that evening after seeing Johnny's face in reaction to that. Kinda makes you wish Lafayette (True Blood) was a real person, doesn't it???

 Well Faithful Readers, I wish there were more on my mind to share with you! As much as my neck hurts, it's a beautiful day outside and the Sun waits for no one, so off I go...

..Till Next Time,
Suntan Bex :)

A Bex Memory For You....

My dad was never a big reader, it was always my mom. When I was 8, my dad was going through some boxes of his and found a couple of old paperback books. The kind of paperback's that were marked $.70 retail price, lol. I can honestly say that the first 2 that he handed me completely made me tune out and try to wiggle around him to see what other more interesting treasures may be hidden in that box! I wasn't allowed in our back closet so when dad was in there, I was in there or at least trying to get a peek at what wonders could possibly be in there. There had to be wonders in those boxes and suitcases if I wasn't allowed in there because I was never forbidden anything in our house.

As I was trying to serpentine my way around him, he handed me a paperback. "This book is something that you should read, read it front to back and come tell me what you think." I looked at it skeptically at first, this book looked like it had been through hell and back and took several detours along the way. It dawned on me that if this book looked that worn, it meant that dad had read this book many times and it was important enough to be placed, carefully in a box and kept in the forbidden area. He had handed me a copy of Farenheit 451by Ray Bradbury. I left dad to continue his adventures and went directly to lay on my bed and read.

I started reading at a severely young age and I comprehended all that I read. However, as any cerebral person will tell you, reading, comprehending what you read is a completely different creature than having a story reach out and pull you in to it. I had never really experienced that before that day.

I laid across my bed all afternoon, I read that book twice that day. That evening I came downstairs and my dad was sitting on our patio, I just stood there and he asked if I had finished the book. I promptly burst into tears, crawled up on to my dad's lap and cried myself to sleep.

I won't bore you with the details of the conversation that dad and I had about that story or my interpretations of the story itself. After that day, talking with my dad, I was quite certain of 2 things. My dad was the epitome of that quote "Still waters run deep" and that if one story could pull me in like that, there had to be more!! I was completely hooked and I wanted to write just like that when I grew up!

Even today, I will get lost in a story and find it so hard to leave that wonderous land that I will re-read it over and over until I need a new copy. And I like to think that you will read my adventures, my stories or my quirky observations and live them with me through my words. I could never hope to be a Ray Bradbury but if 1 person on this planet reads my words and gets lost in the experience than that is good enough for me.

There are times that it all just seems like too much for me to handle at one time and let's face it, nothing ever comes at me unless it all comes at once in an overwhelming wave. When those times hit me, I lay across my bed all afternoon and I usually read it twice :)

Till Next Time, Faithful Readers,

BEX

No shit Ma, there we were.....

Holy 7 Hell's this has been an adventure! Let's start out with the fact that I sat around waiting for the entire day yesterday, I wrote a blog and that was it. Finally at 4pm we took the boy to Grandma's and me and Dave were off and running. It started out innocently enough, just gonna stop by one of our bars and have a couple beers. It always begins innocent enough! Next thing ya know we're having a conversation with a guy named Wayne that involves Obama in a sex swing getting fisted by George W. No shit Ma, there we were.......

We decided after MANY beers to go by our buddy Terry's place. *Sigh* Somehow I end up reassuring a crying girlfriend (Not mine) that being adopted is ok. Wasn't paying attention to how that came about but hey, whatever. No shit Ma, there we were......

Get a call from a high school buddy inviting us to come have beers at his house. Always starts out innocent enough. Evidently this was around the same time that "Murphy" perked up and started paying attention. Many beers later, Dave passes out in the chair and the rest of us decide it's sleepy time. Now this is the one really shiny spot in an otherwise bizarre story, Oh my freaking Gods I slept freaking awesome!!!! Wake up and do the whole "Dude, gonna collect my roomie and head back home" thing. Walk into the room......"Where's Dave??" "What do you mean, where's Dave?" "I had a Dave, I left my Dave in that chair right there, there's no Dave in that chair, where is Dave?" "DAVE???" No Dave, Dave left. Awesome. My phone's dead. Awesome. I can only remember 1 god damn phone number, My Dad. Call the dad and spent 10 minutes trying to get him to call my mom who has Dave's number, to call Dave to tell him "Asshole, you left me here and I don't even know where here is!!!!" I'll save you the specifics dear reader but there was a couple of HOURS of phone tag. Finally my buddy decided to call me a cab. As luck would have it Dave calls right after we call a cab, so we cancel the cab and I can hear the taxi driver cussing out my buddy out from across the room. 10 minutes later Dave calls to inform us that his tire is flat. Yeah. Awesome. At this point the phrase for today is repeatedly "Are you fucking kidding me??" Okay, find another taxi company because we are definitely NOT calling the angry guy back. 15 minutes later I'm finally in a cab heading back to the suburbs THANK FUCKING GOD!!! Now let's back track for a minute because there is some funny shit occurring while all this craziness is ensuing. My buddies son comes over. The boy is adorable, shy and there is a strange girl in his world, you can understand the kid needs a minute to collect himself and you could see him trying to puzzle this out on his own. Let's face it readers, I don't make allot of sense to myself so I can't make a whole lot of sense to a 7 year old, actually it turns out I make perfect sense to a 7 year old!! Of course his eyes get as big as plates as soon as I take my hat off and he see's the gloriously Pink hair. At this point I'm in all futility trying to start a conversation with a kid that's still trying to figure out who the hell I am!! Army, thank god for the Army. My buddy kept walking out of the room and seriously, not kidding, as soon as he would walk out I was bombarded by a staccato machine gun fire of questioning, LMAO!! He'd come back in the room, silence.......leaves the room, BAM a hundred questions in 10 seconds or less, back in the room, silence......leaves the room, BAM here come the questions!! I was cracking up until he asked me about killing "Bad Guys", he's 7. How does a person answer that question without scarring a 7 year olds brain forever? Man, I just got my buddy back I don't want to be responsible for fucking up his kid 10 minutes after I met him!!! I did what any sane adult would do, I changed the subject and ran away. I ran as quickly as I possibly could. No shit Ma, there we were.......

No, reader, we are only half way through this little debacle. We have reached the half way point and if you are not drinking a beer by this point in the story, you sir are a pussy!

One of my buddies family friends was there and he had me cracking up because honestly I thought our house was the only place on the planet to hear some completely random craziness. He comes out and asks my buddy if he came into his room's doorway last night. ??? "No, wasn't me" "Huh, looked like a bear" ????Silence      "A Bear." "Yeah looked like a bear." My buddy's dad comes in the room. "Hey were you standing in the doorway last night?" "No, why?" "Huh, must've been a bear." Remember this it's very important.

I'm in the taxi, my buddy gave me $45 for a taxi, it came to $44.20. Seriously. Didn't even get a kiss on the cheek for that anal raping. Taxi driver's cell rings and I hear him tell the person "Yeah, I'm in Liverpool, really? Really? Wow I'm sorry!" Hangs up, looks at me and asks "Did you cancel a cab earlier? Cuz that guy is 6 foot 3 and pissed off!" Fuck me silly, Are you fucking kidding me right now?? I get home FINALLY, 4 hours after this all began. Phone immediately on the charger, look at the flat tire, look at Dave and shake my head "I can't believe that just happened". So Dave is explaining to me that he left because he woke up freezing and we were no where to be found "I looked in the rooms downstairs and even stood in the living room for a minute wondering if I should wake this guy up and ask him where ya were." I found the Bear, Dave is a missing Bear. No shit Ma, there we were......and there was a Bear.

I don't know if we will ever be invited back, my wild guess is no. But damn I had a good time and there was a story to tell after. Didn't get the chance to say my goodbye's to this awesomely quirky little group of people because I made my escape rather rapidly once given the chance, So it's left at until we meet again :)

Till Next Time,

BEX, The Lost And Stranded!

I Don't Know and that's what scares me(Oh and zombies)

4 stories in 2 weeks about people eating other people. I hate to say it.....I TOLD YOU SO!!!! Now look at all the fun stories about mysterious rashes popping up and put 2 and 2 together. As odd as this is going to sound, I am strangely ecstatic about the now upon us Zombie Apocalypse! Hooray!!! Finally!! I'll be fine, I've watched enough movies, read all the books, had extensive firearms experience and let's face it, it gives me free reign to shoot things in the head. How much happier could I be?? And as an added bonus, the list of people that I have compiled that I can't wait to put a bullet in well, they're a bunch of panicky pussies so I know for a fact that they'll all get bitten first and if they don't I have a genius plan for making damn sure they GET infected! Ryan, Garcia, I'll meet up with you in the Midwest, less populated more food sources, just give me a day or two to exact some revenge here first. Oh this is like Christmas and Disney land all together with guns and a free license to shoot EVERYBODY!! You can't see it but I'm doing a happy little dance right now.

It feels as if the Universe is in a really weird stand still right now and unless I'm reading this wrong, I've been through this ending before. I'm watching what's happening, just watching it and waiting. And the funny part is that I know what's going on, I've lived this particular cycle but other people are repeating history and blindly not knowing it or at least not identifying that they are. It's going to put me out for a bit but I'll be alright. Unfortunately though, I'm sitting still waiting and watching therefor my world is suffering. Now I know that was a really stupid thing to do, I perfectly understand where I fucked up. In my defense, my world kinda took a twisty 2 weeks ago so the reason I've been doing the watcher thing is because I needed the time to kinda put my pieces semi together again. I failed. But while I was failing myself, I'm watching someone else self destruct.

To sum up, I know how this play's out I don't know exactly how this is going to affect me completely and when I don't know I get a little scared because I am generally pretty in control of my chaos. But I will get the chance to perfect my head shots so I guess it all does have a happy ending :)

Till Next Time,

BEX (Follow me if you want to live and haven't pissed me off recently!)