Clarifying and Informational Bullshit

Every couple of weeks, I get a mini vacation from my kids. B goes off to his Dad's and Ian goes to my Mom's. Even though they're teenagers and really don't need me it's still nice when they go away and I get the whole apartment to myself! I can wander around in my panties and Tshirt all I want, eat total crap for every meal and watch what I want to watch without 1 complaint, I can drink till I pass out on the living room floor, go out where and whenever I choose with whom ever I want. It's very empowering to have them gone until.......suddenly, I realize I'm bored. I'm bored out of my fucking skull!!! The house is clean, everything is done and there's no one asking me to make dinner or fix something, wtf am I supposed to do with all of this free time?? I haven't been drinking since October with one weekend being the exception so there's no beer in the house and even if there was I wouldn't drink it because I hate drinking alone, I don't want to go out because it's fucking cold outside and NOBODY looks good in that many layers of clothing, ever! And there's only 3 people on the planet that I can share a comfortable silence and my space with, 2 aren't talking to me and 1 is out of town. So it turns into a different version of the insomnia game, find something that will keep me occupied until I get bored enough to do something else. There's only one problem with this game, if I'm already bored it doesn't work because I don't want to do anything! I don't want to read because I don't want to sit still, already caught up on all the shows that I follow and have re-watched the older episodes 100 times, I could clean my bathroom but if I clean mine I have to clean the boys bathroom and if I do that I'll want to clean the kitchen again and then I might as well run the vacuum and dust and there is that cobweb that I've been ignoring, wonder how many others there are, might as well do that too. Nah, don't want to do all that, that's too much work. LOL, do you see what I mean? So I decided on a blog and my laundry that really didn't need to be done. Keep up with me on this one because my ADD has been outstanding today!!

I want to clarify myself. Often times I have a particular expression that I use that could be super offensive to some. I don't mean it that way! I say "Gay" allot, probably more than I say "Fuck". It's Gay, your Gay, How fucking gay is that?!? Now here's the part that cracks me up, it's not my Gay friends or even my Gay family members that get upset when I use this particular word, it's my straight laced, conservative friends that get their panties in a twist when I say it. Normally I don't give a flying squirrel's fuzzy ass if this offends, when have I ever censored myself outside of the company of children and clergy?? NEVER!! Your a grown up (I hope) don't like my words, expressions or mannerisms go the fuck on with yourself and don't come back! But it was brought to my attention that not everyone on the planet knows me half as well as they should and that I can be taken out of context by that minority of people. SIDENOTE: My ADD is so bad I just lost my lighter in 3 ft of workspace, no joke. Can not find it!!

Okay back to Gay! Bex definition of gay is NOT pertaining to anyone's sexuality EVER! I could care less who you sleep with as I am 100% certain you could care less who or what I sleep with. When I say something is Gay, I mean completely stupid. Example; "Your going to wear that out, it's Gay!!" means Purple and Orange do NOT match and I don't want to be seen with you and if we do happen across a Homosexual male he will beat you to death with his ultra cool lamb skin Prada messenger bag and I will NOT save you, in fact I will buy him lunch and trade super cool, secret bargain shopping spots with him! "You're Gay" equals dumbass, "it's Gay" equals I don't like it, no really, it's fucking stupid and I refuse to like it ever. "How fucking Gay is that" equals really, you need an explanation for that? Ok "How fucking Gay is that" equals Dumbass, I don't like it, no really, it's fucking stupid and I refuse to like it ever!

There are some things I consider super Gay in my Universe. You have to let my shower run for 5 minutes before you jump in or else it's freezing cold if someone hasn't already showered that day. If someone's already been in, no warm up necessary. Turned on the shower today, let it warm up, jumped in and 2 minutes later nothing but cold water! GAY! Laundry room heat is turned off because the apartment people are cheap asses so you freeze to death handling your wet clothes, GAY! The fact that I can not comfortably sit home, knowing that I am not going out anywhere at all, doing laundry in a pair of cargo pants and a T-shirt and STILL have to wear makeup, GAY!

Which brings up a funny story. One of B's little followers knows that I don't like her. It's nothing personal, just don't like most teenage girls, actually to be honest I don't like any human being at all not even my own between the ages of 12 and 22 years. That is the most useless group of people on the planet. Anyways, she was kissing my ass. She came in and said something along the lines of how pretty I was that day and how she had never seen me wear makeup before. SIDENOTE: My lighter was in my pack of smokes the whole time, GAY!

Back to makeup. I don't ever go with out makeup. EVER! My idea of going without makeup is putting on concealer, mascara and lip gloss. If and that's a big if, I am forced to leave the house before my shower I will wear a baseball cap and my biggest pair of sunglasses so that no one sees me without my makeup on, seriously ask Nicole she's seen me do this today. I look like a CIA Witness protection applicant! This little girl swears she's never seen me in makeup. If your going to kiss my ass, please make it believable! The only time makeup comes off of this face is late at night before bed when I am certain it's too late for anyone to pop over.

And here's the Informational Bullshit! I've tried some new things recently and I feel the need to share and keep you from making the same mistakes that I did. Guys, you might want to skip to the end. Girls pay attention! As most know, I am addicted to anything concerning Beauty and Fashion. One of the latest fix all fads has been this light face cream with a touch of concealer called BB Cream. It's full of vitamins and nutrients and is supposed to even your skin tone and do all manner of fabulous for your face! CAUTION: Do not use this if like me you use a moisturizer in the morning!! Not unless you want to look like your going through Puberty round 2. It's too greasy! Tried 2 different brands, Olay and Garnier both were too oily. Tried cutting out my moisturizer and all it did was make my skin dry, oily AND broken out. Garnier Anti wrinkle eye roller, supposed to get rid of those fine lines under your eyes. 3 weeks, no difference. Olay ProX facial 2 speed cleansing brush, great but only use every few days otherwise it takes off all the dead skin and then the new skin and your skin has no time to heal and it kicks into overdrive! Hyalrounic acid, not noticing a big difference to be honest but I'm in the early stages of testing so I'll get back to you on that. Neosporin eczema essentials is a must have!! Works miracles if like my son you have eczema, seriously in 2 days it was all gone!! Awesome product, 4 Bex Stars! Pink lied to me, Cover Girl Clump Crushing Mascara does in fact clump badly. Oh and one last thing, Green Days 3 new albums all suck! Do not download that shit, want crappy over produced radio pop download Ke$ha, her album is better if that tells you anything.

See, wearing makeup even on lazy days :) Keeping my world beautiful one lip glossed moment at a time!

Well Faithful Readers, we've wasted some time together and for that I thank you. However, don't be surprised if some weird thought comes into my head later and I post another blog LOL, and that's why we say....Till Next Time, Faithful Reader,

BEX The Bored!

Insomnia has got me pretty loopy this morning!

I haven't slept yet in the past 24 hours and for those of you that know me and/or read my blog, you know that this is a regular occurrence in Bex World. There are actually days that go by without me getting sleep which leads to me trying to find new and interesting ways to waste time. This blog page was actually born from my complete inability to sleep. See, here's how it is; insomnia is lonely as hell!! Your wide awake at 4 AM and guess what, unless your IM pal is in Kyrgyzstan  your screwed for chit chat! Internet is a wonderful thing with vast amounts of knowledge available in an instant however, even someone with my curiosity and ability to retain an incredible amount of information eventually will either get bored or draw a complete blank on what to investigate next. I once spent an entire 12 hours researching the name Ptolemy throughout history because I caught 10 seconds of some gibberish on the Science Channel about Ptolemy's Theorem and had until then only associated the name with ancient Egypt. 12 hours of my life, I lost 12 hours of my life to that blurb of curiosity that will never, ever, ever, EVER be useful at any point in any conversation that I could possibly have!

Watching television almost never works for me. No matter how many times I've watched a movie or how disinterested I could be in a show about ice fishing, there's ALWAYS something that will catch and hold my attention without fail! I will watch 18 hours of that survival show because God in Heaven knows I may fall into the icy wilds of Estonia and need to know how to survive with a hubcap, dental floss and a broken 8 track player!!!! Fuck you, Macguyver I watched that marathon of Dual Survival and the barefooted hippy bastard will save my life someday!!

Side note here: I want to see a more realistic survival show!! I do NOT need to know how to survive face eating sloths in Madagascar! I need to know important stuff like how to survive that creepy guy at the bar that looks like he's 2 seconds away from asking me if this rag smells like chloroform, I need to know how to survive in Central NY in winter when every pair of shoes that I own has open toes, I need to know how to survive ObamaCare!! C'mon smartass, barefoot hippy guy, you and GI Joe need to wonder twin powers activate and find me some REAL survival knowledge when I can't sleep for 2 damn days!!

And speaking of useless shit on television at 5 AM, how is it some jackass created an infomercial for DVD's called "Piano For Quitters" and I failed miserably at marketing this blog?? That defies all odds! I'm finding the piano guy and punching him in the balls.

Reading is no better than television. Went to the library yesterday(yesterday? Today? Wtf day is it?!?) to get some new reads and discovered that I physically need someone there to take my book away from me or I will stay up and read the whole damn book. It wouldn't be so bad except that it's book 3 in a 4 book series and I have to wait for book 4 to come into the library so now I'm stuck in a fiction limbo and my mind is racing down every possible scenario for book 4 and I CAN'T SLEEP!!!

Something interesting about my sleep patterns came to my attention, ironically on the day that I stopped sleeping(Irony, you bastard!). *Warning* advanced personal Bex knowledge comes next! I do not sleep well next to another human being unless I am completely and I mean COMPLETELY passed out drunk. And I mean to the point where you could hit me in the face with a pillow case full of rocks and I wouldn't flinch in my sleep. I do NOT like sharing my space, not even when I'm asleep evidently. I will kick the person next to me mercilessly, I will toss and turn, punch, start yelling in my sleep. But here's my natural defense against someone sleeping next to me that no one has ever escaped, I grind my teeth in my sleep. Not normal teeth grinding, I mean wake that person out of a dead ass sleep teeth grinding. If you go back into the vast Chaos And Candy archives from a year ago there was a wonderful blog about a fabulous dentist that fixed my tooth after an unfortunate teeth grinding incident!

That's not any new information to me, I already knew all of that. What I did not know is that there has been one guy that has managed to escape all of that behavior. Not one time have I done any of it while coexisting the same sleeping surface. Which becomes really god damned funny considering that he drives me bat shit crazy when I'm awake and it's been the second most tumultuous relationship that I've ever witnessed let alone been a half of. So I guess the moral of the story is to stay asleep and it'll all work out! I've been awake now for 30 hours so just about any kind of circular thinking justification makes complete sense to me at this point. I will read this later and question why someone didn't shut me up but considering I'm the only one here, I guess sleep deprived babble is acceptable this one time lol.

Okay, seriously Readers, my A.D.D. is sabotaging me pretty hard now and I can not concentrate on you, the news, having coffee and breathing all at the same time!

Till Next TZZZZZZZZZZZZ.......

BEX THE GREAT AND SLEEPY 

New blog post for the New Year!

As always, I spent New Years Eve at home with my boys. We always stay up all night on a movie marathon and lounging. I don't celebrate NYE for a couple of reasons, one is that when I do attempt to celebrate it something goes horribly wrong! For example one year I had a stalker crash his car through the security gate at our apartment, he got to our building when the cops stopped him with a loaded gun coming to kill us. That's just one example of some of the uber crazy that finds me every December 31st. And to be perfectly honest, there are way too many people out making bad decisions, being reckless and causing general havoc on New Years Eve and let's face it Readers if there's one thing I hate, it's competition. LOL!! This year being no different, just as I decided to brave the celebration I got word of a death in the family. Ok, now that's a big ass sign to stay in.

Life has been unusually quiet recently and I have my fingers crossed that the trend continues in the new year. After all, it's 2013 and good things always happen to me when the number 13 is involved. I'm not one for resolutions, I like who I am and don't feel the need to make myself promises.

Faithful Readers, I hope that if you choose to make resolutions that you succeed and I look forward to another year with you!

Till Next Time,

BEX :)

Happy Holidays and why this pisses me off!

Hate to burst your bubble but here's a news flash for all my "Christian" relatives, friends, readers, general public that continues to post the increasingly annoying and persistent "It's NOT happy Holidays, it's Merry Christmas!" bullshit on every single social media site on the entire internet......Christians are not the only religion with a holiday that falls in December you ignorant, uneducated, self centered, inconsiderate fucks. In fact, let's set the record straight here. Christianity is ONLY 2,000+ years old, as far as religions go, that puts you all in the adolescent stage. Judaism, Hinduism, Muslim, Buddhism they all predate you by a couple thousand years. Oh and please let us not forget that half of Christianity's "Holiday's", their rituals and ceremony's are all based on Paganism so that when Christianity infiltrated an area there was less rioting by the general public. Where do you think your tradition of a "Christmas" Tree comes from???? Oh and for all of you posting "Put Christ back in Christmas" and then posting pictures of your children and grandchildren on Santa's lap, you are the worst hypocrite! FYI: Santa out dates Christianity also. But if your so worried about Christ's birthday why propagate the Santa story??? Not very Christian of you if your saying those presents are from Santa and not brought to the kiddies by Christ.

Now I know that your getting pissed off at me but wait a minute because I am going to make a valid point here. I am not bashing Christianity!! I am not. But it does bother me that some (not all) Christians preach tolerance and blatantly are intolerant of something simple as a holiday phrase. I say "Happy Holidays" because it's POLITE to acknowledge that not every one is a Christian. did you ever stop to think that someone's feelings may in fact be hurt if you wished them Merry Christmas and they in fact do not or can not celebrate it due to a religious difference than your own??? Stop and reflect, how would you feel? I've taken to replying to "Merry Christmas" by looking that person dead in the eye and saying "Thanks, I'm Jewish!" it's a gentle yet firm reminder that not every person out of 7 billion on this spinning ball of mud is Christian.

Although after this little stint in a retail environment during a holiday season, I beginning to believe that holiday spirit loosely translates to homicidal psychopath! I have never seen so many seriously pissed off people, I mean like really truly angry, hostile people. The general public does not seem to comprehend that I am not personally responsible for their inability to actually read a sales flyer and that I did not personally take all those popular toys and set them on fire out back to insure that their children's holiday is ruined entirely. People, I am a cashier/sales floor associate. The CEO has not called me recently to gather my professional input on sales and neither have the shareholders, these decisions believe it or not, are made by people in a MUCH higher tax bracket than I, so please for the love of all that is fucking holy stop yelling at me!!!

Okay, really didn't set out to sound like I was bashing Christianity but that's how I came off so please accept my apology! I really just wanted to make a valid point of tolerance towards holiday's and point out that some preach it but don't exercise it as they should.

Faithful Readers remember all year to be tolerant and kind and considerate to fellow human beings.

And if it's not too much to ask, don't yell at the cashier/sales person, they're human too ya know!!!

BEX :)
Happy Christmahanukwanzanewyear!

Well played Mr. Tatum, Well played!

I'm not generally one for chick flicks unless they are exceptionally funny and I mean really truly laugh out loud funny. How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days, Sweet Home Alabama, those are my kind of chick flicks because they crack me up. I personally like action films but even with those I tend to be a bit picky, especially so with action films based of my favorite comics or cartoons! Nothing pisses me off more than an X-Men or Hulk movie because they completely jacked up the story line like a couple million true fans wouldn't notice! I find it annoying. With that being said, I discovered a loop hole in my snotty movie critique. Channing Tatum.

Channing freaking Tatum! That guy is WAY too pretty to be passed by with a click of my remote! I physically can not pass his image by because I know he's going to be funny, natural, charismatic, sensitive and drop dead, panties wet, sexy on fire times 100, gorgeous in every damn movie he's in!

I have sat through some of the most awful chick flicks to ever be made because of this man. Dear John had me sobbing like a little bitch, The Vow had me sobbing from my very soul over lost True Love and ready to go beat Rachel McAdams with a fucking baseball bat for breaking my man Channing's heart! I sat through 2 HORRIBLE GI Joe movies for this man. I fucking watched Step Up! Seriously watched that flick because he was in it and a man that pretty will not be ignored by this BEX, NOBODY PUTS CHANNING TATUM IN A CORNER!!!! I sat through the movie Fighting, which is worse than Step Up trust me!

Then he released Magic Mike. 110 blissful minutes of Channing Tatum stripping. Great God in Heaven thanks be to you!

Thus solidifying my future heart wrenching viewing of horribly depressing chick flicks and bad comic movie reboots forever.

Well played Mr. Tatum, well played Sir!!

Till next Time,

BEX (NO, John, don't open that letter!!!!) 

Coffee overdose, Politics, and funny true life events!

Working long hours, walking every where I go, eating like a starving super model and having a really ass backwards schedule is really paying off for me! Lost those stubborn, stupid 15 pounds and only 3 pounds away from my goal weight, SWEET! LOL, yes I realize that this is possibly the worst and most unhealthy way to lose weight but I've tried all the "Right" ways and gotten no where so fuck it! I'm happy and sexy, that's all that matters. Being that I have a seriously messed up schedule, I end up watching allot of late night TV. There are like 20 different types of diet supplements geared towards women in their 40's with "Stubborn Belly Fat". And it got me to thinking, I have the most success losing weight and getting tone working out when I consciously stop eating on a regular basis and replace it with some sort of exercise. I've tried supplements and they almost NEVER work. So it may sound rude but here's my thought: Put down the god damn fork and go for a walk ya tubby bitch!

I don't intake allot of caffeine generally. I have 1 sometimes 2 cups of coffee in the morning and then it's water all day long. I don't drink soda pop. Maybe once a month I'll buy a Pepsi but a 16 oz Pepsi will last me 2 days. What I noticed as I went to go set my coffee down and my hand was shaking like a strung out meth addict, is that my caffeine intake has radically grown thanks to the weird hours that I am keeping. Now I am up to a pot of coffee and 3 Mountain Dew's a day. I just noticed this because I am off today and not on my usual hurry up and get to work mode. I don't have to be constantly On and Up, up, up today. Wouldn't all those people laugh if they figured out my cheery, people person, social, hap hap happy disposition is all caffeine induced! Probably not, given my cynical anti-social true personality. The Evil Bex can't wait to spring that on them after Christmas, mmwwhahahahaha!!!!Ya know, when they figure out that me smiling generally means something is going to explode rather soon :)

I am a Republican, I voted for Romney. There, I said it. I don't care who you voted for and I suggest you not care who I voted for as it is neither of our business. Obama won the election, okay, well good. At least I have 4 more years of snarky blog fodder. That being said, I noticed a trend that is kinda disturbing to me and I can't put my finger on the why of it. There have been various late night jokes and SNL skits about Romney losing but they've actually been kinda easy going on the guy like even the comedy world seems to feel sorry that he lost. No attacks, no mean spirited "I told you so's" just really light hearted minor funnies. I was all geared up to be furious at people for attacking my loser candidate and then......nothing. Nobody did. Huh, I have to wonder if maybe, just maybe, people voted closet Republican this year?

Again, had myself all geared up for constant negativity being that I am in a retail environment. Haven't gotten it yet, *Knocks On Wood*, seriously all of my customers are super nice. Even when we are slammed and the lines go down the aisles everyone has been friendly. Was not expecting that at all. My co-workers are alright, there's 3 out of 20 that I could live without happily but I just avoid them to the best of my ability. I actually made friends with one person. Try not to die from shock but yes it is another female, I know! Crazy, right!?! I like it there, it's a pretty cool place to work. Really went into it with the whole negative attitude of yeah, it's a distraction but it's still WORK, UGH! Glad to be wrong, it's much more fun than I anticipated. But with all things in Bex World, there are some seriously bizarre occurrences. Last Friday the trend was a new sport I like to call: Inebriated Retail Triathlon or the IRT. Rules: Participant must be drunk, not buzzed but assed out, slurring drunk! Stumble down the aisles, bouncing off each side WITHOUT knocking down displays, find item by asking sales person in drunkenesse, get to cash register while following the aisle rule again and pay for your purchase WITHOUT passing out anywhere inside the store. Yesterday I modified the Rules to include Stoner Hippies with Nerf guns.

I was honestly surprised but the first person that I saw drunk there, thought it was a fluke. But it continued all night so I just sat back and watched, following at a safe distance to see who won and who tried to break the rules of IRT, laughing at the ones that took the baby doll aisle as there return route, freaked out and failed when all the dolls with their motion sensors sprang to life in almost demonic fashion! Hehehehehe!!!! Thinking about making an exclusion to the rules or adding a sub-rule pertaining to that one baby doll aisle because honestly, that aisle is fucking spooky, creepy, weird when your a sober employee! It's got to be a 100 times worse for a drunk shopper!

I play in my head the entire time that I'm there. IRT, imagining the Animal Planet aisle coming to life, the gynormous 2 headed Red Dragon springing to life and eating the stick figure stock guy that in my mind looks like claymation, Oompa Loompas in the Wonka aisle rolling the fat chicks through the store singing the song as they all turn into giant blueberries. The Toy Story aisle coming to life only instead of being wholesome family fun waking up the exact opposite. Sometimes and I'm not exaggerating, I laugh out loud at the stuff going on in my head while I'm there. I try not to because it creeps people out or they want to know what I am thinking. WTF am I supposed to say?? "Well, I was imagining that blonde getting chased out of action figures by a foul mouthed, drunk, womanizing Buzz Lightyear trying to fondle her." No, don't think that would fly. "Oh I was picturing all the specimen bugs in the Science aisle swarming that chick I do not like, kinda like the movie The Craft." Um no. "I was picturing the store as a Tim Burton film." Eh, that one might be okay. You get the idea. I do have a repeat customer that looks EXACTLY like Pat Benatar. I've even taken to calling her Ms. Benatar, her and her husband love it and think it's hilarious. Seriously, first time I saw her I stopped dead in my tracks and thought it WAS Pat Benatar, freaked me right the fuck out! She is one of my favorite people and I look forward to seeing her on weekends, lol. I see her and ask her to sing a different Benatar hit, evidently she's a fan too. HAHAHA, even at the toy store Bex has regulars! Too funny!

My recent experiences have prompted me to question one thing though. How come Canadian's are so pissed off all the time? I have not met a nice Canadian in a month! Even at Wegmans Grocery store I came across a group of truly pissy Canadians at midnight. wtf is that about????? I'm sorry you feel the need to shop all the way down in New York but damn don't take it out on us! You have free health care, we have better mall's it's a fair trade for you Canada person! Oh and just FYI, Canadian accents and sarcasm do not translate and/or mix particularly well. Just sayin' is all.

Faithful Readers, I hope you were as entertained as I was. It's nice to sit down and chat with you as we use to. It's nice to resurrect this habit :)

Till Next Time,

BEX (Drunk chick down in aisle 3!)

It's Been Awhile!

Wow, didn't realize that it had been 2 1/2 months since I had last written! My sincerest apologies, Faithful Readers! This Summer was not allot of fun what with one dramatic event after another, it had unfortunate consequences but some eye opening beginnings after the nuclear endings. Usually I find myself unable to do anything but write after these traumatic events because I want to make certain that someone besides myself is witness to the truly crazy happenings in my World! However this was entirely different, I found myself witnessing one crazy moment after the next in rapid succession with no break in between and to be honest it kinda of threw me for a loop. I have needed, more than any other time, seclusion and privacy to sort it all out. I failed, LOL!

Come to find out my near obsession with making sense of things sometimes only makes me crazy! In fact it seems that sometimes crazy is just crazy with no sense to be found, I learned the valuable lesson: Walk away and give it not one more thought!

So that being said, I got up, shook it all off and started a new job! Nothing special, just part time through the holidays. I may get the chance to stay on after but I am not stressing it right now. It's a fun job and I'm having fun with it, for now that's all I need or want. It has kept me very busy though, yet another reason that I have found myself unable to write recently!

All in all, life is busy but quiet and very domestic. Exactly the way I prefer it! And it's the way I want to keep it until after all of the Holiday craziness!

I will try to write more in the coming days, for now just wanted to assure you that I hadn't disappeared :)

Till Next Time Faithful Readers!!

BEX