It's no big lie. Been going through a really emotional time in the past 4 weeks trying to get over me and Tony splitting up. Today, after many texts and conversations tony finally came to see me. I thought I was emotionally fortified for this. Yep, not so much. He always acts like a bad used car salesman and I always fall for the "look I'm ignorant" act, but not today. I acted strong through his let's be friends shpiel. I sobbed after I heard the door shut. But I did text him that after all those conversations and texts I had hoped he had come to be a grown up, discovered drugs were bad and that he wasted a good opportunity to lead a successful life and wanted to come home. He said he was going to come back and I waited and.............
In the mean time, something only 3 people knew came back to my oldest son mysteriously. And he hates me for something that wasn't intentional, quite the opposite, I meant to keep that which wasn't intentional and was quite happy in that decision. It was stress and an accident.
on top of this, yeah it hurt to see Tony today. More than you can imagine. Even more to keep the hurt in and not cry in front of him.
Jesus, when does this get easier???? I'm so over this constant pain. This much loss all at once, I think I'm passed one and another pops up.
I had so hoped that I was wrong through all of this and for one time in life I was right. I don't want to be right because it hurts too much to be right.
Evidently Tony found drugs or something else to lose himself in and this wasn't as important as I thought it was to fix.....what does that say about me????
BECKY
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Why? Things that make no sense to me at all
Okay so it's been awhile since my last post and I apologize. Haven't really been in the mood to write as I've had some things that I needed to work through. Which segues into today's topic quite nicely. There are things in this world that I just don't understand at all. Been trying to figure out how to deal with this recent break up and of course everyone has an opinion. One of the funnier ones belongs to Joe, his theory is "fuck your way past it". Yep. Joe believes that you pack your life full of as much meaningless sex as possible until your past the break up. I don't fully understand how being a whore helps an emotional wound but it's Joe so I smiled and nodded. Terry and Dave are of the "stay drunk for as long as possible" school of thought. Which isn't a bad school of thought, that is until the hangover hits at which point your sick and miserable. And all 3 of them have deemed that I am not to be left alone for extended periods of time which is sweet but annoying. Finally made a break for it and got some "Me" time in.
Which leads me to the next thing I don't understand at all. After watching quite a few movies in the past few days I've discovered that scientists are dumb. In every movie involving alien life forms, there are 10 people screaming to NOT bring said life form back to the A) heavily populated science center or B) the heavily populated science center located on the spaceship that is our only means of escape. And then there's one scientist that pulls rank and brings the damn thing back to either A or B after it's wiped out a town, colony, massive spaceship,planet. WTF?? Why don't the ten screaming people knock out the scientist, thus thwarting the impending doom?? Why?? I think I hate alien movies now.
In the news today is a story about a research ship that was studying these 4 sharks when out of no where a 10ft Great White breached and landed his 1100lb ass on the ship. After fighting to keep the shark alive because they couldn't get it off the boat, they got some help and used a crane to remove it. 1/2 hour later they found the same shark, stuck on land! So they fought to keep it alive AGAIN and towed it out to open water. At some point you have to ask "why"?? The shark may have lost it's will to live or it was Darwin's theory of only the strongest species survives, either way at some point after "why" you just need to walk away.
Well faithful readers, I have to get going and accomplish something. Promise that I'll write again soon, thanks for sticking with me through all this!
Till Next Time,
BEX
Which leads me to the next thing I don't understand at all. After watching quite a few movies in the past few days I've discovered that scientists are dumb. In every movie involving alien life forms, there are 10 people screaming to NOT bring said life form back to the A) heavily populated science center or B) the heavily populated science center located on the spaceship that is our only means of escape. And then there's one scientist that pulls rank and brings the damn thing back to either A or B after it's wiped out a town, colony, massive spaceship,planet. WTF?? Why don't the ten screaming people knock out the scientist, thus thwarting the impending doom?? Why?? I think I hate alien movies now.
In the news today is a story about a research ship that was studying these 4 sharks when out of no where a 10ft Great White breached and landed his 1100lb ass on the ship. After fighting to keep the shark alive because they couldn't get it off the boat, they got some help and used a crane to remove it. 1/2 hour later they found the same shark, stuck on land! So they fought to keep it alive AGAIN and towed it out to open water. At some point you have to ask "why"?? The shark may have lost it's will to live or it was Darwin's theory of only the strongest species survives, either way at some point after "why" you just need to walk away.
Well faithful readers, I have to get going and accomplish something. Promise that I'll write again soon, thanks for sticking with me through all this!
Till Next Time,
BEX
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Canales in Liverpool
Boycott Canale's restaurant in Liverpool as they refused to donate even a lunch for 4 Marines on funeral detail that have to pay for expenses out of pocket. Manager said it "Wasn't their problem" WTF????
Who treats our soldiers that way??
Fucking disgusting!
BEX
Who treats our soldiers that way??
Fucking disgusting!
BEX
Friday, July 1, 2011
First Day
I've gone through Hell in the past 7 days. Damn it's only been a week, feels like forever has passed! I've sobbed and I've stayed in bed crying for a day not talking with anyone. I've raged and I've lashed out, I've pretended to smile and laugh with my guys, pretended that I was alright when inside it felt as if a hole had been ripped open where my heart once was. I've grieved and tortured myself and cried some more. Once I started crying the tears wouldn't stop, all day I layed in bed and the tears wouldn't end until my eyes were so swollen that no more tears could escape.
Today. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I woke up, had coffee, showered, dyed my hair, got dressed and put on my makeup. I made myself get up and be myself. I made my bed and cleaned the apartment. I made myself feel and I feel ok. It still hurts beyond all words and the hole where my heart was is still empty of anything but pain. But I figured out that each day there will be a reminder but to get past it and keep marching along.
I can't let the loss keep knocking the wind out of me. I have to get up and keep going because that's what I do.
The truth is that I haven't been myself for 6 months, not wholly me. I conformed to what he wanted and/or liked. I was completely in love with Tony and now it's over.
Every day will be a trial but every day I will take one step and another and another.
I will smile and laugh with out faking it. I will be me, every day.
Till Next Time, Faithful Readers,
BEX
Today. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I woke up, had coffee, showered, dyed my hair, got dressed and put on my makeup. I made myself get up and be myself. I made my bed and cleaned the apartment. I made myself feel and I feel ok. It still hurts beyond all words and the hole where my heart was is still empty of anything but pain. But I figured out that each day there will be a reminder but to get past it and keep marching along.
I can't let the loss keep knocking the wind out of me. I have to get up and keep going because that's what I do.
The truth is that I haven't been myself for 6 months, not wholly me. I conformed to what he wanted and/or liked. I was completely in love with Tony and now it's over.
Every day will be a trial but every day I will take one step and another and another.
I will smile and laugh with out faking it. I will be me, every day.
Till Next Time, Faithful Readers,
BEX
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Who needs sitcoms, watch the News!!
This all just happened in the past hour of me watching CNN and our local NBC affiliate, channel 3 WSTM.
Seen on ch 3 WSTM, Ticker for the current story: "President Obese to visit Troops at Ft. Drum"
Is that Obama's new secret alter ego/identity?? Obama is bad enough, now we have President Obese to deal with!!
On CNN: "France to pull troops out of Afghanistan."
Wait......France has troops in Afghanistan?
Wait......France has troops!?!?
"Police find Jackass star Ryan Dunn was drunk and speeding when killed in car accident."
Nothing peculiar there until the next line "Westboro Baptist Church plans protest at Ryan Dunn's funeral."
Uuuuummmm.......They get their asses handed to them protesting Military funerals, this is a funeral for a star from JACKASS!! Has no one in the congregation seen this show or movies?? They tortured each other and they were all BFF's what do you think these guys are going to do to the Westboro peeps??? Plus the Jackass guys are all crushed over losing a brother! Westboro, please rethink this protest for your own good.
"Pilot rant caught on open mic."
Usually I'd put in an acronym however this time, screw it....LAUGHED MY FUCKING ASS OFF!!!! This is more awkward than speaking loudly and the music stops. Went on a rant about "Gays, Grannies and Grandes" WTF is a Grande?? I thought it was a cup of coffee!
"Lady GaGa in Tokyo to help boost tourism"
After the radiation scares in Japan, is Lady GaGa the face you want associated with your city? And after all the radiation scares do we want Lady GaGa any where near this place? Am I the only one to ever read a comic book? This is a Stan Lee comic waiting to go wrong or worse yet a new take on Godzilla (which I'd be cool with if it doesn't have Matt Broderick in it)
"Amish man caught sexting a minor, asked for sex in his buggy."
WTF??? WOW, I got nothing on that one.
"Longtime FBI fugitive James 'Whitey' Bulger nabbed"
It took us less time to catch a terrorist half way around the World than it did to catch a criminal in our own Country. ahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! Too funny.
"Lindsay Lohan tests positive for alcohol on house arrest and is called back to Court."
Why is anyone surprised? Why is this news? Why haven't we found a way to deport her somewhere? It's like Bin Ladens body, we can't find a Nation to take it, oops her.
"Winklevoss twins finally drop case against Facebook"
Is it me or does Winklevoss or Winklevii, sound like either a disease or a doctor from 1940's Germany that you REALLY do not want practicing on you. Save your money twins and buy a new name.
Ok so that struck me as funny this morning.
Be Safe Be Well and Till next time Faithful Readers,
BEX
Seen on ch 3 WSTM, Ticker for the current story: "President Obese to visit Troops at Ft. Drum"
Is that Obama's new secret alter ego/identity?? Obama is bad enough, now we have President Obese to deal with!!
On CNN: "France to pull troops out of Afghanistan."
Wait......France has troops in Afghanistan?
Wait......France has troops!?!?
"Police find Jackass star Ryan Dunn was drunk and speeding when killed in car accident."
Nothing peculiar there until the next line "Westboro Baptist Church plans protest at Ryan Dunn's funeral."
Uuuuummmm.......They get their asses handed to them protesting Military funerals, this is a funeral for a star from JACKASS!! Has no one in the congregation seen this show or movies?? They tortured each other and they were all BFF's what do you think these guys are going to do to the Westboro peeps??? Plus the Jackass guys are all crushed over losing a brother! Westboro, please rethink this protest for your own good.
"Pilot rant caught on open mic."
Usually I'd put in an acronym however this time, screw it....LAUGHED MY FUCKING ASS OFF!!!! This is more awkward than speaking loudly and the music stops. Went on a rant about "Gays, Grannies and Grandes" WTF is a Grande?? I thought it was a cup of coffee!
"Lady GaGa in Tokyo to help boost tourism"
After the radiation scares in Japan, is Lady GaGa the face you want associated with your city? And after all the radiation scares do we want Lady GaGa any where near this place? Am I the only one to ever read a comic book? This is a Stan Lee comic waiting to go wrong or worse yet a new take on Godzilla (which I'd be cool with if it doesn't have Matt Broderick in it)
"Amish man caught sexting a minor, asked for sex in his buggy."
WTF??? WOW, I got nothing on that one.
"Longtime FBI fugitive James 'Whitey' Bulger nabbed"
It took us less time to catch a terrorist half way around the World than it did to catch a criminal in our own Country. ahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! Too funny.
"Lindsay Lohan tests positive for alcohol on house arrest and is called back to Court."
Why is anyone surprised? Why is this news? Why haven't we found a way to deport her somewhere? It's like Bin Ladens body, we can't find a Nation to take it, oops her.
"Winklevoss twins finally drop case against Facebook"
Is it me or does Winklevoss or Winklevii, sound like either a disease or a doctor from 1940's Germany that you REALLY do not want practicing on you. Save your money twins and buy a new name.
Ok so that struck me as funny this morning.
Be Safe Be Well and Till next time Faithful Readers,
BEX
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Silent Fury
No I'm not getting emotional, lol! This is my favorite band, Silent Fury.
They've opened for Brett Michaels and Goo Goo Dolls to name a few and I go to each of their shows. They are:
Mick Fury - Vocals, Guitar
Joe Nasty - Bass, Vocals
Ryan "The Breeze" Calabrese - Drums
I have to tell you, the quickest way to make me happy is to tell me that Silent Fury is playing near by and that we are on our way to the rock show. These guys are friends of mine because they are talented, fun, outgoing, loyal, and all around beautiful souls. I don't just go for the music, I go because of the whole experience and seeing them. In a music world inundated with fake music, these guys are "Real" Rockstars!! Help me get them all over the planet!!
Till next time Faithful Readers,
here is their video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RdqMx_hAHkM&feature=player_embedded
http://silentfury.net
Be Rockstars!!
BEX
They've opened for Brett Michaels and Goo Goo Dolls to name a few and I go to each of their shows. They are:
Mick Fury - Vocals, Guitar
Joe Nasty - Bass, Vocals
Ryan "The Breeze" Calabrese - Drums
I have to tell you, the quickest way to make me happy is to tell me that Silent Fury is playing near by and that we are on our way to the rock show. These guys are friends of mine because they are talented, fun, outgoing, loyal, and all around beautiful souls. I don't just go for the music, I go because of the whole experience and seeing them. In a music world inundated with fake music, these guys are "Real" Rockstars!! Help me get them all over the planet!!
Till next time Faithful Readers,
here is their video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RdqMx_hAHkM&feature=player_embedded
http://silentfury.net
Be Rockstars!!
BEX
Friday, June 3, 2011
6 days in the life of Bex
Now Faithful Readers you know that I try to keep the personal out of this blog however, the past 6 days have been surreal. So let's venture into my past few days. It's an ugly place so brace yourself.
Day 1 (Thursday) had been making plans with my buddies Terry and Dave that Memorial Day weekend would be epic. Thursday night we were all heading to Sharkey's to catch a band. Tony gets out of work at 9, so was going to have him pick me up then head home. My trashy neighbors down stairs that I've vented about before have a knocked up daughter probably a biscuit over 18 that was having contractions. I went down to check on her and in the process the toothless mom, Rose asked what our plans were for the weekend. I told her and got out of there as fast as possible because they live like west side scum. I'm OCD, can't be around disgusting without throwing up. So at 8 pm me and Terry head out. We meet up with everyone and have 2, count them, 2 beers. Tony comes in and we take off about a half hour later. At 10:20 pm I walk through my door to find a sheriff's deputy in my kitchen! The trashy neighbors had called the police to report that I had left a 9 yr old kid alone to go to the bar. Uuummmm, he's 11, 12 in September(9/11) hello? I was gone for less than 2 1/2 hours. Ian told the cop when she asked what he was afraid of he said ghosts. AS A JOKE!! She thought it was funny, her supervisor didn't. I now get to court for endangering the welfare of a child.
Day 2 (Friday) Ian went over to spend the night at Dave's cuz of the stupid bullshit with the trashy neighbors. B comes over and despite he and I clashing as usual, it was ok. I went to Mac's Bad Art to see a band that I like, met a good friend of Tony's. Tony has talked about this dude forever, you know me I can't walk up to strangers and make friends. However, this dude has been built up in my mind for 6 months so now I'm nervous. Don't know what he thought of me but I liked him and dug the hell out of his girl, she was one of us if you get my drift. Lost my phone that night. LOL! Came back here and proceeded to get wasted with Cameron.
Day 3 (Saturday) DFB day. Tony took Ian to my Mom's and picked up his buddy Jeremy. Cam was still here and possibly woke up as drunk as I was. At that point it's quit drinking or just keep going. Stopping would have meant massive pain, keeping going meant completely wasted. I went with wasted. Around 2 10 of us left for DFB. Dude you want to talk surreal, strangers were stopping to take pics with me cuz of my pink hair. And I ran into the bartender I got wasted the night before as soon as I walked in! Ran into people I haven't seen since high school (Steve C, big shout out) was running into everyone. And everyone kept feeding beer. Not sure what time it was but it was either leave or get very ill. So we came back here. Now before I go further let me explain. I like Tony's buddy Jeremy. He's a cool cat in my book. Well Jeremy was 20 x's as wasted as I was. We were chilling on the porch drinking listening to tunes. Jere decided that it would be okay to try to attempt to molest me 16 ways till sunday and I kept pushing him off. Finally it came to the point of me holding his shoulders and saying " Listen dude I like you, please don't make me knock you out." He backed off and then came at me. I cocked back still pleading that I did not want to hit him. At that point tony took him away. My biggest bitch about that is this: Yes I can hold my own and I dare anyone male or female to come up on me because I will drop you however, if my boyfriend is standing right there and it's his buddy....yeah I shouldn't be the one to drop the dude it's a loyalty thing for me. My guy should be there for that. But whatev, the drama was ceased. The rest of the night was quiet with a few more friends showing up of Tony's. Carson, who I previously despised was really cool and I kinda dig that dude now.
Day 3 (Sunday) Hungover as fuck!!! And let's add insult to injury, my allergies went fucking nuts. Never felt so bad in my whole life!! In the midst of all the pain, there's a knock at my door. Now rule of my home is this: My home is yours. Don't knock just open the door and announce who you are so that I don't hit you with my bat. So there's a knock I answer and isn't it the stupid pregnant bitch from downstairs! She had the nuts to stand at my door and ask if i want to have a beer with her. I nearly flipped! "Get the fuck off my doorstep and don't ever speak to me again." WTF???? After all that your going to come to my door with that shit!!! WTF??
Day 4 (Monday) Nothing really happened, quiet day. Tony and I covered some more stuff about our relationship and everything was really cool (should have been my clue)
Day 5 (Tuesday) Ran some errands and picked up Tony's buddy Marty who I think is just totally groovy. On the way back from picking up cigarettes at the rez don't we get pulled over, 1st the cop says tony got called in for driving recklessly. Then he changed it to a seatbelt ticket except he was wearing his seatbelt it just happened to be the same color as his shirt. We get back here and I stopped in to pay rent and speak to the property manager about the stench coming from the trashy downstairs neighbors and fill her in on all the bullshit. She decided to pay them a visit. Next thing I know I'm getting a call from the manager chick telling me that the toothless freaks told her I'm smoking meth up here with my buddy Terry! UUUuuummmm, I don't smoke cigarettes in my place and wouldn't know meth if you set it in front of me!!! Done a lot of drugs in my time never anything hardcore like that. I'm a drug snob, I'll admit it. Now for those that don't know me, I seethe on shit. At first I'll laugh shit off but then I think about it and get more n more pissed about it till I'm ready to blow up. So I'm sitting on the porch having a smoke and this stranger is walking across the lawn, the toothless bitch downstairs yells out "Are you the Child Protective Person I called on Ian and Becky?" Holy fuck, I lost it. I called the sheriff's department thinking that they work for the law abiding and guess what they tell me? Sorry can't do anything. FUCK THE POLICE!!
Day 6 (Wednesday) Had to run an errand to my mom's and got a coupon for a shoe store selling Birkenstocks on sale. She had already gotten me a pair so I thought it would be nice to get Tony a pair. Maybe spend the day tooling around just the two of us. Per usual he was busy on his computer and wanted none of it, so off I went on my own. Got him the shoes. Now earlier he had already been acting moody so I was fine with going out on my own, not happy about it because I like spending time doing things with him when I can pry him away from the computer. But oh well. Of course i come home and he hates the shoes. He's being moodier so I lay down for a nap. I wake up and it's 5 minutes before he's supposed to be at work. He left in a huff. I made dinner as usual and started doing our laundry. He gets home and immediately starts bitching. (His friend Jeremy and I had made a deal for a travel voucher worth $400 for $200. I told both of them that I wouldn't be able to do it today.) Evidently Jeremy was blowing up his phone on his way home from work while he was on the highway. Tony bursts through the door after work and lights into me about it. My answer is "If it bothers you than don't answer your phone on the highway." Evidently wrong answer. I told him his dinner was in the microwave as usual, he calls Jeremy. Immediately the tone in his voice says he's pissed, thinking I was doing then right thing I said fuck it just tell him to give it to someone else for the pure and simple reason that I don't want tony aggravated. He hangs up the phone and commences to scream at me, i try to explain that I said fuck it because it was hassling him. Instead of communicating he just keeps screaming at me in front of Ian and Marty. Then it took a turn for the personal. I'll save you the particulars.
Needless to say yes, i did get an apology across a counter the next day after i cried all night and he spent the night laughing with his buddy and sleeping out in the living room.
You all have this notion that I am made of steel and can take anything that comes my way. But I'm not and I can't. When it comes to someone that I love, someone that i gave my heart to, wounds inflicted will cut me deeper than you can ever imagine. I'm in pieces right now and the one person that could fix it has no concept of it so won't make the effort.
6 days in the life of BEX.
Day 1 (Thursday) had been making plans with my buddies Terry and Dave that Memorial Day weekend would be epic. Thursday night we were all heading to Sharkey's to catch a band. Tony gets out of work at 9, so was going to have him pick me up then head home. My trashy neighbors down stairs that I've vented about before have a knocked up daughter probably a biscuit over 18 that was having contractions. I went down to check on her and in the process the toothless mom, Rose asked what our plans were for the weekend. I told her and got out of there as fast as possible because they live like west side scum. I'm OCD, can't be around disgusting without throwing up. So at 8 pm me and Terry head out. We meet up with everyone and have 2, count them, 2 beers. Tony comes in and we take off about a half hour later. At 10:20 pm I walk through my door to find a sheriff's deputy in my kitchen! The trashy neighbors had called the police to report that I had left a 9 yr old kid alone to go to the bar. Uuummmm, he's 11, 12 in September(9/11) hello? I was gone for less than 2 1/2 hours. Ian told the cop when she asked what he was afraid of he said ghosts. AS A JOKE!! She thought it was funny, her supervisor didn't. I now get to court for endangering the welfare of a child.
Day 2 (Friday) Ian went over to spend the night at Dave's cuz of the stupid bullshit with the trashy neighbors. B comes over and despite he and I clashing as usual, it was ok. I went to Mac's Bad Art to see a band that I like, met a good friend of Tony's. Tony has talked about this dude forever, you know me I can't walk up to strangers and make friends. However, this dude has been built up in my mind for 6 months so now I'm nervous. Don't know what he thought of me but I liked him and dug the hell out of his girl, she was one of us if you get my drift. Lost my phone that night. LOL! Came back here and proceeded to get wasted with Cameron.
Day 3 (Saturday) DFB day. Tony took Ian to my Mom's and picked up his buddy Jeremy. Cam was still here and possibly woke up as drunk as I was. At that point it's quit drinking or just keep going. Stopping would have meant massive pain, keeping going meant completely wasted. I went with wasted. Around 2 10 of us left for DFB. Dude you want to talk surreal, strangers were stopping to take pics with me cuz of my pink hair. And I ran into the bartender I got wasted the night before as soon as I walked in! Ran into people I haven't seen since high school (Steve C, big shout out) was running into everyone. And everyone kept feeding beer. Not sure what time it was but it was either leave or get very ill. So we came back here. Now before I go further let me explain. I like Tony's buddy Jeremy. He's a cool cat in my book. Well Jeremy was 20 x's as wasted as I was. We were chilling on the porch drinking listening to tunes. Jere decided that it would be okay to try to attempt to molest me 16 ways till sunday and I kept pushing him off. Finally it came to the point of me holding his shoulders and saying " Listen dude I like you, please don't make me knock you out." He backed off and then came at me. I cocked back still pleading that I did not want to hit him. At that point tony took him away. My biggest bitch about that is this: Yes I can hold my own and I dare anyone male or female to come up on me because I will drop you however, if my boyfriend is standing right there and it's his buddy....yeah I shouldn't be the one to drop the dude it's a loyalty thing for me. My guy should be there for that. But whatev, the drama was ceased. The rest of the night was quiet with a few more friends showing up of Tony's. Carson, who I previously despised was really cool and I kinda dig that dude now.
Day 3 (Sunday) Hungover as fuck!!! And let's add insult to injury, my allergies went fucking nuts. Never felt so bad in my whole life!! In the midst of all the pain, there's a knock at my door. Now rule of my home is this: My home is yours. Don't knock just open the door and announce who you are so that I don't hit you with my bat. So there's a knock I answer and isn't it the stupid pregnant bitch from downstairs! She had the nuts to stand at my door and ask if i want to have a beer with her. I nearly flipped! "Get the fuck off my doorstep and don't ever speak to me again." WTF???? After all that your going to come to my door with that shit!!! WTF??
Day 4 (Monday) Nothing really happened, quiet day. Tony and I covered some more stuff about our relationship and everything was really cool (should have been my clue)
Day 5 (Tuesday) Ran some errands and picked up Tony's buddy Marty who I think is just totally groovy. On the way back from picking up cigarettes at the rez don't we get pulled over, 1st the cop says tony got called in for driving recklessly. Then he changed it to a seatbelt ticket except he was wearing his seatbelt it just happened to be the same color as his shirt. We get back here and I stopped in to pay rent and speak to the property manager about the stench coming from the trashy downstairs neighbors and fill her in on all the bullshit. She decided to pay them a visit. Next thing I know I'm getting a call from the manager chick telling me that the toothless freaks told her I'm smoking meth up here with my buddy Terry! UUUuuummmm, I don't smoke cigarettes in my place and wouldn't know meth if you set it in front of me!!! Done a lot of drugs in my time never anything hardcore like that. I'm a drug snob, I'll admit it. Now for those that don't know me, I seethe on shit. At first I'll laugh shit off but then I think about it and get more n more pissed about it till I'm ready to blow up. So I'm sitting on the porch having a smoke and this stranger is walking across the lawn, the toothless bitch downstairs yells out "Are you the Child Protective Person I called on Ian and Becky?" Holy fuck, I lost it. I called the sheriff's department thinking that they work for the law abiding and guess what they tell me? Sorry can't do anything. FUCK THE POLICE!!
Day 6 (Wednesday) Had to run an errand to my mom's and got a coupon for a shoe store selling Birkenstocks on sale. She had already gotten me a pair so I thought it would be nice to get Tony a pair. Maybe spend the day tooling around just the two of us. Per usual he was busy on his computer and wanted none of it, so off I went on my own. Got him the shoes. Now earlier he had already been acting moody so I was fine with going out on my own, not happy about it because I like spending time doing things with him when I can pry him away from the computer. But oh well. Of course i come home and he hates the shoes. He's being moodier so I lay down for a nap. I wake up and it's 5 minutes before he's supposed to be at work. He left in a huff. I made dinner as usual and started doing our laundry. He gets home and immediately starts bitching. (His friend Jeremy and I had made a deal for a travel voucher worth $400 for $200. I told both of them that I wouldn't be able to do it today.) Evidently Jeremy was blowing up his phone on his way home from work while he was on the highway. Tony bursts through the door after work and lights into me about it. My answer is "If it bothers you than don't answer your phone on the highway." Evidently wrong answer. I told him his dinner was in the microwave as usual, he calls Jeremy. Immediately the tone in his voice says he's pissed, thinking I was doing then right thing I said fuck it just tell him to give it to someone else for the pure and simple reason that I don't want tony aggravated. He hangs up the phone and commences to scream at me, i try to explain that I said fuck it because it was hassling him. Instead of communicating he just keeps screaming at me in front of Ian and Marty. Then it took a turn for the personal. I'll save you the particulars.
Needless to say yes, i did get an apology across a counter the next day after i cried all night and he spent the night laughing with his buddy and sleeping out in the living room.
You all have this notion that I am made of steel and can take anything that comes my way. But I'm not and I can't. When it comes to someone that I love, someone that i gave my heart to, wounds inflicted will cut me deeper than you can ever imagine. I'm in pieces right now and the one person that could fix it has no concept of it so won't make the effort.
6 days in the life of BEX.
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