......The End

My heart hurts for the choices that you made that will forever keep you from being the person that you could be, the person that I saw. It hurts for the lies that you've told and by doing so, destroying the honor that you could have held inside yourself. I feel sorry for you that you felt the need to get so drunk that you don't even remember verbally attacking me, my sons', my mother and my best friends. Why would I forgive you for that? You thought you were so slick talking to Kayla but here's the funny part, you don't remember that I told you and your mother about my family's past with drug addiction but that I also told you that my Mom has been clean for 17 months. And anyone that's known me for 5 minutes can tell you that I have never touched the stuff and they'll straight up laugh in your face for calling Dave a crackhead. You found out old news from a drug addict that hasn't spoken to me in 3 years and has continually proven a coward by running away from me, congratulations for finding a mouth breather as low as yourself. My heart hurts that you felt the need to lower yourself to such subterranean levels, to act so viciously towards me and my people when we did NOTHING to you but offer you our friendship, love and a home.

What really hurts me though, truly breaks my heart, I let myself believe in you and I hurt an unbelievably good person because of you. I acted against my own values and I hurt someone innocent that did not deserve the way I treated him. I almost lost a faithful friend. Almost.

It always bothered you that I do not say goodbye to people. And that is a part of me that I would  not and will never change. Until now. Because for every rule there is an exception. I will not forgive and I will not forget, not in this lifetime, not in the next. Your hateful, malicious behavior, your obscene continuous  pathological lying, all of this and so much more that you have done and said combined together ensures that my forgiveness will not exist where you are concerned. Hell, your own people will not stand behind your behavior and lies, what does that say about the person you are deep down inside when your own family and friends do not and will not back you but instead they tolerate you at best.

Because of your actions I went against my peoples' advice and my own instinct, I contacted 2 law enforcement agencies and made them aware of the situation. The next step is to file the report, submit all of my evidence against you and your insignificant other and, well....you know what comes next. Do not push me, it will not be advantageous to you in any way. You've seen me slightly aggravated, you do not want to see me pissed off.

You make my heart hurt not because I have feelings for you, my heart hurts to see a blatant waste of what could have been a decent human being and instead became everything black and evil a human could become until there is no humanity left in them anymore.

For your own best interest, forget that I exist. The consequences of continuing to stalk me will not be pleasant.

Know this for a most certain fact: You no longer exist in my Universe, no one that is within your life exists in my Universe. You have destroyed the rights that you had to share my world and all within it and all that encompasses it. You do not exist.

Sincerely,
Rebecca Dawn Van Marter-Ragsdale (BEX)

Real quick

Just so that you don't think I have fallen off the edge of the Earth, Faithful Readers...Yes I am still here. I apologize for the long hiatus and sadly will not be making this a very long blog either. Between writer's block and personal turmoil I am hard pressed to remember a more uninspiring time in my life. Ok, so that was the bad news now for the good news, been thinking about something a friend said to me a couple of days ago and in one week most of my stress will have been handled so that I can once again turn my focus back to what is and should always be most important to me. I've begun to pursue some of my favorite hobbies once again. I believe that for now I need a little me time. So once all that has been wrong gets set to right again, I will concentrate on things that make me happy, my writing, my photography, urban exploration and let's not forget that Summer is coming and that always leads to high adventure in Bex Universe! Faithful Readers, my apologies for being gone so long once again. Assuredly I will return very soon!!!

Much love Faithful Readers Till Next Time :)

BEX

My Dad.

I have the greatest memories of my Father. We played basketball till he had to get ALLOT of sticthes, we worked on cars of every make, we went 4x4'ing, we played. Played like kids. And we still do. My Father instilled a child like wonder in me that evidently will not fade away. I started writing because of my Dad, I was published because of my Dad, and I will not end my writing as long as I have my Father's love. I felt insanely out of place, bitter, angry, recently. My Dad set me right. I will share what he wrote because it touched me and made me realize I was not being true to who I am but it also made me cry. It made me cry because only he can call me out on being what I am not. Here it is:

HEY PEANUT, JUST READ YOUR BLOGG ON VALLENTINES DAY AND LOVE. FOR THE MOST PART I AGREE,,BUT, YES THE BIG BUT THERE IS ONE LOVE THAT IS PURE AND TRUE, AND THAT IS THE LOVE I HAVE FOR YOU. I HAVE NEVER FOUND A LOVE THAT WARMS MY HEART AS MUCH, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY TRUE LOVE. DONT EVER SAY YOU QUIT ON LOVE FOR THAT WOULD MEAN YOU NO LONGER LOVE ME,, AND THEN MY HEART WOULD BE BROKEN BEYOND REPAIR. NEVER FORGET HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU. I MISS YOU SO MUCH IT HURTS. MAYBE IM YOUR JACK IN A DIFFERANT WAY. ILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU.  I LOVE YOU PEANUT !
 
                                                                                                                             DADDY, ALWAYS AND FOREVER !!!


BEX

Saint Valentine's Day Part 2 I am Jack's raging bile duct.

One year ago I wrote a blog titled "Saint Valentine's Day" mostly out of sarcasm because there actually never existed a Saint Valentine and out of pure disgust for the sheer commercialism of this fake little "Holiday". And because I was a romantic at the time and believed that a significant other should show their love the other 364 of the year, spontaneously. Of course at this time last year I still believed in love and happily ever after. I still believed that finding love would be like the end of a John Hughes movie, where the guy realizes he's in love with the outcast girl as much as she is with him and shows up at her church/prom/yard to profess his love and win the girl despite adversity. I believed that if one truly loved you they would fight for your love no matter what. Last year I believed, but time and again in the past year my bitter rhetoric has been proven to me unequivocally, without question. The three times that I put myself out there was three times I got thrown back over drugs, cowardice and a pizza shop job. No, I don't believe anymore. And as I'm sitting here writing this blog I realize that there are 3 pages of handwritten notes that I'm ignoring because I don't feel like being funny for your sake today, faithful reader. I don't want to pretend that I see humor in a made up holiday that yearly seems to be a reminder at what an utter failure I am at finding a partner. Much like Fight Club, I am Jack's raging bile duct. They destroyed something beautiful and believing in me and now I am as jaded as one once thought I was. I don't believe in love, instead I believe it's a feeling of being comfortable with another person in your life and nothing more. I believe that attraction is just chemically based for breeding purposes, there is no passion just a biological means to an end to perpetuate the species. There is no love at first sight, only the thrill of new sex. If we were meant as a species to mate for life than you my married little reader would never find another person attractive. We as a species are programmed by our DNA to find the perfect mate to procreate with. You can sit there all day long and tell me that you love someone but it's all just comfortability and easiness of existence, we just paint the picture of "Love" to make ourselves feel better by putting an emotional worth on it instead of the callous truth of it. I want to destroy something beautiful. " I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every Panda that wouldn't screw to save its species. I wanted to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all the French beaches I'd never see. I wanted to breathe smoke." I have the insane urge to punch a giant red stuffed bear in the face, behead an overzealous store employee with a box of cheap chocolates as soon as they open their mouth to say "Happy Val..." or ram those damn flowers straight down their falsity spewing mouths. Yeah, I've learned my lesson all too well in the past 365. I've learned not to take care of anyone else but myself, to keep the key to my heart around my neck and never give it to another, I've learned that no one fights for love, they just walk away. So fuck Valentine's Day, fuck putting yourself out there for another and fuck propagating the lie of love because eventually "On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero." 


I'm off to have a near life experience. Till next time...


BEX

Funny, scary....all before my first cup of coffee.

"Jewish Indiana Jones admits NY Torah fraud"

I couldn't help but giggle as soon as I read this but ended up laughing straight out after I had read the article. Not only did he steal from his own charity, he made up stories of high adventure in Europe and Israel of hijinx retrieving lost pre-holocaust Torah's. Not only is this the dumbest crime that I had ever heard of, no. I wanted to laugh while slapping this man for propagating negative cliches. He was so cheap that he bought copies of the Torah from U.S. dealers and sold them to communities and temple for WAY over inflated prices. WOW, thanks dude because what we needed as a community was a little more negative impact.

"Anonymous" managed to intercept a conference call between the FBI and Scotland Yard which was made in an attempt for the two agencies to catch the "Anonymous" hackers. After I dried my eyes and recovered from rolling around my living room floor, I thought about this group for a few minutes and have decided that I am undecided about "Anonymous". There's a part of me that gets a kick out of this group making a serious mockery of these pretentious agencies. Ya know what I mean, the angry hippy in all of us that want's to see someone stick it to the "Man", purely out of societal and political frustration. "Anonymous" had gone after many aspects of government but now have focused their efforts on law enforcement agencies both big and small. hell they're even credited with hacking the Syracuse Police Department!!!

However, I do have an issue with this group and it's actions. We as a Global Society give Law Enforcement Agencies authority to police us as a Society because the average human being doesn't want to be confronted with the ugliness of our societal underbelly. We entrust these agencies to uphold the laws of our society but understand this: These agencies uphold the laws, they absolutely do not make the laws. If you want to lash out at someone, then lash out at the lawmakers and greedy politicians. I'm not talking about the wealthy that made it on hard work and education, I'm talking about the people in the Senate that JUST passed a law for themselves banning insider trading!! Uuummm, how long has this been illegal for everyday people??? Hell Martha Freakin' Stewart went to jail for this but evidently it's acceptable if your were a United States Senator. Don't go after Average Joe Schmo the Cop and publish his personal information all over the Web. Speaking from experience it sucks to have your identity stolen but your also putting these police officers and their families in danger of retaliation from dangerous, violent criminals.

I'm not saying that I blindly respect the police or their authority but I do acknowledge it and admit that with out it we would be thrown into an Anarchy of the worst caliber.

"Anonymous" please leave these guys alone except for the occasional tweak and instead help us as a Society bring about true change for the betterment of our Society by ridding ourselves of the hypocrite's that would destroy the poor and take a boot to the middle class all to make the rich richer.

Wow, I was going for funny this morning and completely missed that mark. Think I should go have another cup before I take myself out into public to stand on my soapbox next time huh?

LOL, Till Next Time Faithful Readers,

BEX

Zuckerberg, ADOPT ME!!!!

I had to laugh when I saw an article about a 42 year old man that adopted his long time girlfriend. He's fixin' to lose everything because of a DUI lawsuit so Captain Stupid Schemes decided to put all his wealth in trusts for his children, including aforementioned girlfriend thus protecting his wealth from the family of the man he killed. Huh, that's a new one. For what ever the reason, I think I would be upset if my boyfriend wanted to adopt me. It just sounds so wrong on so many levels.

Now, if say I don't know, Mark Zuckerberg decided to adopt me to protect his money? I'm here for you, Mark! I'll protect it with what's left of my soul!!!!! Mark Zuckerberg who is already worth $17.5 billion as of November 2011, is about to make another $28 billion on the IPO deal.

I would gladly fetch your coffee, walk your dog, clean your house, wash your car, fetch your slippers and newspaper on all freakin' fours if you so wished, Zuckerberg.

I am sometimes annoyed with the fact that a talentless, unintelligent hack like "Snookie" gets mass media attention and yet somehow I got looked over by the Pop Media Gods. Now realize that I am not saying that I can act, sing (god help us don't ask me to do that) or dance. But if I may, I do think that I am rather witty and clever in a satirical, sarcastic sometimes caustic way much like a Colbert or Maher. Although I'd never think of putting myself in their category, plus they have incredible writers! It's not even my prowess at snarky humor that has my hackles up at not being "discovered" by these invisible Gods, no it's the fact that even a boring day in my life is full of so much odd, statistically impossible, completely unbelievable but truly real events that if it were a reality series it would spawn a sci-fi movie.

My Super God  Steve Jobs has passed away. So I entrust you, Mark Zuckerberg to be my new Super God. Thanks to a selfish twat in Florida who has cleared this legal path for us, Mark please feel free to adopt me!

Till Next Time Faithful Readers,
BEX

New World Order, sign me up!!!

Now we all know that I do NOT like conspiracy theories or theorists, however, please hear out my thoughts and read on.

*Side note, since the stupidity of people with personal agendas has died down in my life I will be enabling the ability to comment on my Blog again.*

Because I've had many dealings with actual conspiracist's and my rather insatiable curiosity towards all things unknown to me, I've done some research and for the most part tried to keep an open mind to everyone's theories. Now I know for a fact that those of you on the other side of my argument are going to toss out my ideas as ignorant or naive. But as I have attempted to see their side I ask they do the same.

There are many different organizations that get blamed on a regular basis for beginning the execution of a New World Order. The Freemason's, The Illuminati, The Odd Fellows, The Vatican, The Group of Bohemian Grove, Politicians, World Leaders (G20 Summit for example) Military. The list of is endless of groups that are supposedly taking over the world. As well as the group of people trying to "out" these diabolical evil geniuses.

My theory goes something like this, be prepared to be indignant.

I believe we should try out a New World Order. Because obviously this World Order IS NOT WORKING!!!

We have rampant poverty, WMD's in all the wrong hands, terrorism, Countries economies failing that will bring down the entire World's economy, War after useless war. Anywhere that you look in this World, there is nothing good to see. Our destruction is balancing on the edge of a razor blade and it's going to happen sooner than later people.

There are pluses to having a New One World Order. No more fighting useless wars over petty resources, religions, slights misconstrued. I'm not talking about NWO like 1984, Gattica or any of those other fear mongering movies. Just think of it more in a Roddenberry type of way.

One Order, one population that's not hungry or poor anymore. No more fear of a Nuclear weapon being unleashed because that particular Country is pissed off about Sanctions, Countries destroyed by war their people displaced with no respite.

One economy, one world to share resources and combine forces scientifically to find better ways! Imagine if these incredible scientific minds were allowed to all work together for the better of mankind, what could they accomplish for the world's population???

Now your going to tell me that a Roddenberry Utopian society is impossible given our destructive nature. But I believe we could learn another way and in doing so embrace a new way of life. Your going to tell me that putting ourselves under a One World Government will destroy all of our rights and our religions. But we have our rights taken away from us every single day! A woman's right to an abortion, SOPA, We're already tracked by our Social Security numbers, Licenses, Web searches, Credit Reports, banking accounts. That putting us under a One World Order will make the Rich Richer and the Poor Poorer. But if my way of looking at this is naive then your way of looking at it is cynical in the worst way.

Your telling me that the attempt of one world, one population, one society, free of war, famine, poverty is a bad thing to try. While right now, my friends are dying in wars in Countries that have no strategic worth, gas prices are astronomical for no reason, I can't afford to feed my family, and if i get raped or have an accidental unwanted pregnancy after the next election, well I'm fucked many different ways. My curiosity always leads me to research, Sopa passes and I'd better watch what I research. Etc, Etc, Etc.

The World needs a change in all ways. We need to change in all ways.

Till Next Time Faithful Readers,

BEX

We, as a world society, need to try something different.