Where the hell is that little elf from the Rudolph cartoon that wanted to be a dentist so damn bad?????
Since I've been home I have used one dentist and I didn't really care for them. First off, they never really want to work, they just want to pull your tooth if you don't have insurance. I don't like that plan unless I have to. And the dentist they usually stick me with is an oompa loompa sized woman with a seriously thick and scary German accent. That accent mixed with her coming at me with a surgical steel instrument that looks as if they used it in the movie Hostel.....uuuummm, NO!!!! But I still go every year and get my check up, except this year.
I've had a problem with my front tooth for quite awhile and for some reason Dr. Mengele has yet to fix it after almost 4 years of seeing the scary little imp.
Well my plan has been to do some self improvement this year. Started with cutting my hair back to it's normal militant shortness, dying it pink again and going for a facial and skin consultation. Next on the list was to get some sort of Health/Dental insurance and take care of that.
Murphy must have heard my plan because he circumvented me bigger than shit as would be expected in Bex Universe.
I have a bad habit of grinding my teeth in my sleep and had promised myself to get a night time mouth guard but of course forgot. Sure enough, took a nap and cracked a damn tooth!
The Great and Biblical Quest begins.....
Immediately I start calling dentists. Half of them want $200 for me to walk through the damn door. The other half want $70 to walk through the door. Both halves are giving me quotes for a crown and the procedure ranging between $800-$1600. They won't accept payment plans but will accept me making payments and when I've reached $1600, they'll fix the tooth. What, really??? Isn't that considered torture???? I think my ex-dentist Dr. Mengele has put my name out in the dental community.
During this process it was brought to my attention that there's a credit company out there that works directly with dentists. Well I've been on the fast track to fixing my credit after having my identity stolen 4 times and making serious progress. Evidently not enough progress for them, DENIED. So I went after other insurance options. I make too much for Medicaid, too much for Healthy NY and because I'm self employed no normal insurance company will touch me with a ten foot pole even though I get a structured payment every month and am set to get it for the next 4 years. Wtf???
At the last minute I get a return phone call from one of the many sadists, oops I mean dentists. They were super cool and want me to come in on Thursday to go over my finances, set me up with a plan, look at the tooth and decide on the best course of action. No charge. I almost died of shock negating my need for a sadist, oops I mean dentist.
Here's the ironic, Murphy twist to the story and your immediately going to see it and start laughing.
I have a fear of dentists. A debilitating, paralyzing fear of dentists. I usually have to take a xanax just to go in for a freaking cleaning. Shoot at me and I take it better than the thought of going to the dentist. The reason behind this fear is that my childhood dentist was super aggressive and not exactly caring of how other people felt as he's propped on top of you with some malicious looking instrument and coming at your face with super human speed.
He's the dentist that accepted me.
I'll let ya know how this plays out, if I'm not knocked out on xanax. Wish me luck!!!
BEX
