Controlling your Karma

For a minute there I truly wanted to write one hell of a nasty ass blog. I wanted to purge my soul of all the negative, immature, unnecessary, bullshit that has been brought to me in my home in less than a week. Purge it all and give you, Faithful Reader, the chance to contact a person that was right in the middle of it with me to clarify my facts Not the absolute fabrication that some would have you hear about this past weeks events.

I reconsidered for one reason and one reason alone. It's not fucking worth it.

Controlling your Karma isn't as hard as you would think. Do the right thing, not just for you but for others. We are all connected on this big spinning blue marble. Don't act maliciously for self centered reasons, don't act maliciously for any reason! Think before you act and before you speak, the energy that you put out into the World will come back to you three fold. If you consistently do bad things, bad things will begin to happen to you. Everything happens for a reason.

Be grateful for the people that touch your life with happiness, love, friendship. These are the people that you cherish! Be grateful for those that bring smiles and warmth and light to you. If you don't then when the darkness in life comes you will regret it the most because you will be alone in that darkness with no one to take your hand and walk through it with you.

When I was younger, I use to hold grudges. As I became older I realized what a waste of energy that is. And just recently I realized that the best way to deal with people that will drag you down, take advantage and take you for granted is this: walk away. You can't save everyone and you can't help those who don't want to be helped. You can only do so much. If a person wants to take your generosity and repay it with negativity, laugh. Because you will not be the one to suffer for it.

I may not have allot but I am grateful for what I have and for the people in my life. I have friends and family that love and respect me, I have a home, wonderful children. I have allot of love, loyalty, friendship and goodness to share.

Life is too short and no one gets out alive, Faithful Readers. Control what you put out into the Universe before the Universe comes back and kicks your ass!

BEX! 

Allot of hard lessons

Haven't really felt like writing in a while. Too much on my mind, too much stress, too much pent up anger over situations that I let control me instead of me controlling the situations.

My dad and my friend Maverick say that I am too accommodating to people that take advantage of me. I have never really looked at it that way. I always saw it as giving someone the opportunity to be the good person that I see inside of them. People don't always see other people the same way that I do, no matter how they act I always try to look for the good in a person, see the light inside of them that might not be apparent to everyone else on the planet. I give multiple chances to people and I don't like to say goodbye to anyone that's been in my life because I like to believe that eventually they'll see in themselves what I see in them.

I had to walk away from one person that I care about very much. It's all just better if there is distance between the two of us. The whole situation is just unhealthy for us both, no one's fault, no one to blame, it just plain does not work. If he called me up today and said he needed me, I'd be there without a second thought. However, I have to have boundaries for my own mental and emotional well being. Nothing really to be done about it but shrug, accept it as it is and move along. Keep it all black and white. ;)


Kicked my room mate out finally. He did something that I considered disrespectful and dishonorable to another friend of ours. I told him exactly that. He got pissed that I questioned his honor and decided to spear me off my bed and attempt to choke me out in front of my kid. Yep that about shows you his idea of "Honor". Considering he's lived off of me for 8 months and only in the past 3 weeks started contributing a whopping $35-$70 a week, yeah not feeling the loss. And as far as the "friendship" goes well, with friends like that who needs enemy's?? There's too much bullshit in the last 12 years to begin to list. Every single person that's been in my life in those years has had something to say about this situation and I have continually turned a deaf ear, now I'm listening. Now I am done. But just because I am done does not mean the multitude of you can begin with the "I told you so's" because my dad already beat you to it!

My buddy's girlfriend passed away this week. She wasn't someone that I knew particularly well but I liked her and my heart hurts for him. He loved her. Been doing my best to help him through it and be there for him when he needs it. It's been rough on him and it makes my heart ache to see him hurt because he's such a strong person and has already had so many negative things happen to him this year. I believe that he will be able to work through this all and I hope that good things come soon to him.

Today has been a disappointment, something happened that hurt my feelings. But after everything that has happened recently, I realized how completely insignificant it was and I felt stupid for feeling hurt even for a moment.

I once wrote that out of destruction comes creation. It was a blog about things coming to an end so that other things can begin.

I will turn and walk away from all of this having learned allot of hard lessons. I will take away from this what I have learned and I will be a better person for it. Tomorrow the sun will rise on a new day and with it the opportunity for me to be the person that I have not given myself the chance to be. I have changed my path significantly, I will begin to change my stars and for once in a very long time, I have hope and a  smile that isn't forced or fake.

"After all, tomorrow is another day!"

Till next time Faithful Readers,

BEX THE OPTIMISTIC :)