Happy Holidays and why this pisses me off!

Hate to burst your bubble but here's a news flash for all my "Christian" relatives, friends, readers, general public that continues to post the increasingly annoying and persistent "It's NOT happy Holidays, it's Merry Christmas!" bullshit on every single social media site on the entire internet......Christians are not the only religion with a holiday that falls in December you ignorant, uneducated, self centered, inconsiderate fucks. In fact, let's set the record straight here. Christianity is ONLY 2,000+ years old, as far as religions go, that puts you all in the adolescent stage. Judaism, Hinduism, Muslim, Buddhism they all predate you by a couple thousand years. Oh and please let us not forget that half of Christianity's "Holiday's", their rituals and ceremony's are all based on Paganism so that when Christianity infiltrated an area there was less rioting by the general public. Where do you think your tradition of a "Christmas" Tree comes from???? Oh and for all of you posting "Put Christ back in Christmas" and then posting pictures of your children and grandchildren on Santa's lap, you are the worst hypocrite! FYI: Santa out dates Christianity also. But if your so worried about Christ's birthday why propagate the Santa story??? Not very Christian of you if your saying those presents are from Santa and not brought to the kiddies by Christ.

Now I know that your getting pissed off at me but wait a minute because I am going to make a valid point here. I am not bashing Christianity!! I am not. But it does bother me that some (not all) Christians preach tolerance and blatantly are intolerant of something simple as a holiday phrase. I say "Happy Holidays" because it's POLITE to acknowledge that not every one is a Christian. did you ever stop to think that someone's feelings may in fact be hurt if you wished them Merry Christmas and they in fact do not or can not celebrate it due to a religious difference than your own??? Stop and reflect, how would you feel? I've taken to replying to "Merry Christmas" by looking that person dead in the eye and saying "Thanks, I'm Jewish!" it's a gentle yet firm reminder that not every person out of 7 billion on this spinning ball of mud is Christian.

Although after this little stint in a retail environment during a holiday season, I beginning to believe that holiday spirit loosely translates to homicidal psychopath! I have never seen so many seriously pissed off people, I mean like really truly angry, hostile people. The general public does not seem to comprehend that I am not personally responsible for their inability to actually read a sales flyer and that I did not personally take all those popular toys and set them on fire out back to insure that their children's holiday is ruined entirely. People, I am a cashier/sales floor associate. The CEO has not called me recently to gather my professional input on sales and neither have the shareholders, these decisions believe it or not, are made by people in a MUCH higher tax bracket than I, so please for the love of all that is fucking holy stop yelling at me!!!

Okay, really didn't set out to sound like I was bashing Christianity but that's how I came off so please accept my apology! I really just wanted to make a valid point of tolerance towards holiday's and point out that some preach it but don't exercise it as they should.

Faithful Readers remember all year to be tolerant and kind and considerate to fellow human beings.

And if it's not too much to ask, don't yell at the cashier/sales person, they're human too ya know!!!

BEX :)
Happy Christmahanukwanzanewyear!

Well played Mr. Tatum, Well played!

I'm not generally one for chick flicks unless they are exceptionally funny and I mean really truly laugh out loud funny. How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days, Sweet Home Alabama, those are my kind of chick flicks because they crack me up. I personally like action films but even with those I tend to be a bit picky, especially so with action films based of my favorite comics or cartoons! Nothing pisses me off more than an X-Men or Hulk movie because they completely jacked up the story line like a couple million true fans wouldn't notice! I find it annoying. With that being said, I discovered a loop hole in my snotty movie critique. Channing Tatum.

Channing freaking Tatum! That guy is WAY too pretty to be passed by with a click of my remote! I physically can not pass his image by because I know he's going to be funny, natural, charismatic, sensitive and drop dead, panties wet, sexy on fire times 100, gorgeous in every damn movie he's in!

I have sat through some of the most awful chick flicks to ever be made because of this man. Dear John had me sobbing like a little bitch, The Vow had me sobbing from my very soul over lost True Love and ready to go beat Rachel McAdams with a fucking baseball bat for breaking my man Channing's heart! I sat through 2 HORRIBLE GI Joe movies for this man. I fucking watched Step Up! Seriously watched that flick because he was in it and a man that pretty will not be ignored by this BEX, NOBODY PUTS CHANNING TATUM IN A CORNER!!!! I sat through the movie Fighting, which is worse than Step Up trust me!

Then he released Magic Mike. 110 blissful minutes of Channing Tatum stripping. Great God in Heaven thanks be to you!

Thus solidifying my future heart wrenching viewing of horribly depressing chick flicks and bad comic movie reboots forever.

Well played Mr. Tatum, well played Sir!!

Till next Time,

BEX (NO, John, don't open that letter!!!!) 

Coffee overdose, Politics, and funny true life events!

Working long hours, walking every where I go, eating like a starving super model and having a really ass backwards schedule is really paying off for me! Lost those stubborn, stupid 15 pounds and only 3 pounds away from my goal weight, SWEET! LOL, yes I realize that this is possibly the worst and most unhealthy way to lose weight but I've tried all the "Right" ways and gotten no where so fuck it! I'm happy and sexy, that's all that matters. Being that I have a seriously messed up schedule, I end up watching allot of late night TV. There are like 20 different types of diet supplements geared towards women in their 40's with "Stubborn Belly Fat". And it got me to thinking, I have the most success losing weight and getting tone working out when I consciously stop eating on a regular basis and replace it with some sort of exercise. I've tried supplements and they almost NEVER work. So it may sound rude but here's my thought: Put down the god damn fork and go for a walk ya tubby bitch!

I don't intake allot of caffeine generally. I have 1 sometimes 2 cups of coffee in the morning and then it's water all day long. I don't drink soda pop. Maybe once a month I'll buy a Pepsi but a 16 oz Pepsi will last me 2 days. What I noticed as I went to go set my coffee down and my hand was shaking like a strung out meth addict, is that my caffeine intake has radically grown thanks to the weird hours that I am keeping. Now I am up to a pot of coffee and 3 Mountain Dew's a day. I just noticed this because I am off today and not on my usual hurry up and get to work mode. I don't have to be constantly On and Up, up, up today. Wouldn't all those people laugh if they figured out my cheery, people person, social, hap hap happy disposition is all caffeine induced! Probably not, given my cynical anti-social true personality. The Evil Bex can't wait to spring that on them after Christmas, mmwwhahahahaha!!!!Ya know, when they figure out that me smiling generally means something is going to explode rather soon :)

I am a Republican, I voted for Romney. There, I said it. I don't care who you voted for and I suggest you not care who I voted for as it is neither of our business. Obama won the election, okay, well good. At least I have 4 more years of snarky blog fodder. That being said, I noticed a trend that is kinda disturbing to me and I can't put my finger on the why of it. There have been various late night jokes and SNL skits about Romney losing but they've actually been kinda easy going on the guy like even the comedy world seems to feel sorry that he lost. No attacks, no mean spirited "I told you so's" just really light hearted minor funnies. I was all geared up to be furious at people for attacking my loser candidate and then......nothing. Nobody did. Huh, I have to wonder if maybe, just maybe, people voted closet Republican this year?

Again, had myself all geared up for constant negativity being that I am in a retail environment. Haven't gotten it yet, *Knocks On Wood*, seriously all of my customers are super nice. Even when we are slammed and the lines go down the aisles everyone has been friendly. Was not expecting that at all. My co-workers are alright, there's 3 out of 20 that I could live without happily but I just avoid them to the best of my ability. I actually made friends with one person. Try not to die from shock but yes it is another female, I know! Crazy, right!?! I like it there, it's a pretty cool place to work. Really went into it with the whole negative attitude of yeah, it's a distraction but it's still WORK, UGH! Glad to be wrong, it's much more fun than I anticipated. But with all things in Bex World, there are some seriously bizarre occurrences. Last Friday the trend was a new sport I like to call: Inebriated Retail Triathlon or the IRT. Rules: Participant must be drunk, not buzzed but assed out, slurring drunk! Stumble down the aisles, bouncing off each side WITHOUT knocking down displays, find item by asking sales person in drunkenesse, get to cash register while following the aisle rule again and pay for your purchase WITHOUT passing out anywhere inside the store. Yesterday I modified the Rules to include Stoner Hippies with Nerf guns.

I was honestly surprised but the first person that I saw drunk there, thought it was a fluke. But it continued all night so I just sat back and watched, following at a safe distance to see who won and who tried to break the rules of IRT, laughing at the ones that took the baby doll aisle as there return route, freaked out and failed when all the dolls with their motion sensors sprang to life in almost demonic fashion! Hehehehehe!!!! Thinking about making an exclusion to the rules or adding a sub-rule pertaining to that one baby doll aisle because honestly, that aisle is fucking spooky, creepy, weird when your a sober employee! It's got to be a 100 times worse for a drunk shopper!

I play in my head the entire time that I'm there. IRT, imagining the Animal Planet aisle coming to life, the gynormous 2 headed Red Dragon springing to life and eating the stick figure stock guy that in my mind looks like claymation, Oompa Loompas in the Wonka aisle rolling the fat chicks through the store singing the song as they all turn into giant blueberries. The Toy Story aisle coming to life only instead of being wholesome family fun waking up the exact opposite. Sometimes and I'm not exaggerating, I laugh out loud at the stuff going on in my head while I'm there. I try not to because it creeps people out or they want to know what I am thinking. WTF am I supposed to say?? "Well, I was imagining that blonde getting chased out of action figures by a foul mouthed, drunk, womanizing Buzz Lightyear trying to fondle her." No, don't think that would fly. "Oh I was picturing all the specimen bugs in the Science aisle swarming that chick I do not like, kinda like the movie The Craft." Um no. "I was picturing the store as a Tim Burton film." Eh, that one might be okay. You get the idea. I do have a repeat customer that looks EXACTLY like Pat Benatar. I've even taken to calling her Ms. Benatar, her and her husband love it and think it's hilarious. Seriously, first time I saw her I stopped dead in my tracks and thought it WAS Pat Benatar, freaked me right the fuck out! She is one of my favorite people and I look forward to seeing her on weekends, lol. I see her and ask her to sing a different Benatar hit, evidently she's a fan too. HAHAHA, even at the toy store Bex has regulars! Too funny!

My recent experiences have prompted me to question one thing though. How come Canadian's are so pissed off all the time? I have not met a nice Canadian in a month! Even at Wegmans Grocery store I came across a group of truly pissy Canadians at midnight. wtf is that about????? I'm sorry you feel the need to shop all the way down in New York but damn don't take it out on us! You have free health care, we have better mall's it's a fair trade for you Canada person! Oh and just FYI, Canadian accents and sarcasm do not translate and/or mix particularly well. Just sayin' is all.

Faithful Readers, I hope you were as entertained as I was. It's nice to sit down and chat with you as we use to. It's nice to resurrect this habit :)

Till Next Time,

BEX (Drunk chick down in aisle 3!)

It's Been Awhile!

Wow, didn't realize that it had been 2 1/2 months since I had last written! My sincerest apologies, Faithful Readers! This Summer was not allot of fun what with one dramatic event after another, it had unfortunate consequences but some eye opening beginnings after the nuclear endings. Usually I find myself unable to do anything but write after these traumatic events because I want to make certain that someone besides myself is witness to the truly crazy happenings in my World! However this was entirely different, I found myself witnessing one crazy moment after the next in rapid succession with no break in between and to be honest it kinda of threw me for a loop. I have needed, more than any other time, seclusion and privacy to sort it all out. I failed, LOL!

Come to find out my near obsession with making sense of things sometimes only makes me crazy! In fact it seems that sometimes crazy is just crazy with no sense to be found, I learned the valuable lesson: Walk away and give it not one more thought!

So that being said, I got up, shook it all off and started a new job! Nothing special, just part time through the holidays. I may get the chance to stay on after but I am not stressing it right now. It's a fun job and I'm having fun with it, for now that's all I need or want. It has kept me very busy though, yet another reason that I have found myself unable to write recently!

All in all, life is busy but quiet and very domestic. Exactly the way I prefer it! And it's the way I want to keep it until after all of the Holiday craziness!

I will try to write more in the coming days, for now just wanted to assure you that I hadn't disappeared :)

Till Next Time Faithful Readers!!

BEX

Controlling your Karma

For a minute there I truly wanted to write one hell of a nasty ass blog. I wanted to purge my soul of all the negative, immature, unnecessary, bullshit that has been brought to me in my home in less than a week. Purge it all and give you, Faithful Reader, the chance to contact a person that was right in the middle of it with me to clarify my facts Not the absolute fabrication that some would have you hear about this past weeks events.

I reconsidered for one reason and one reason alone. It's not fucking worth it.

Controlling your Karma isn't as hard as you would think. Do the right thing, not just for you but for others. We are all connected on this big spinning blue marble. Don't act maliciously for self centered reasons, don't act maliciously for any reason! Think before you act and before you speak, the energy that you put out into the World will come back to you three fold. If you consistently do bad things, bad things will begin to happen to you. Everything happens for a reason.

Be grateful for the people that touch your life with happiness, love, friendship. These are the people that you cherish! Be grateful for those that bring smiles and warmth and light to you. If you don't then when the darkness in life comes you will regret it the most because you will be alone in that darkness with no one to take your hand and walk through it with you.

When I was younger, I use to hold grudges. As I became older I realized what a waste of energy that is. And just recently I realized that the best way to deal with people that will drag you down, take advantage and take you for granted is this: walk away. You can't save everyone and you can't help those who don't want to be helped. You can only do so much. If a person wants to take your generosity and repay it with negativity, laugh. Because you will not be the one to suffer for it.

I may not have allot but I am grateful for what I have and for the people in my life. I have friends and family that love and respect me, I have a home, wonderful children. I have allot of love, loyalty, friendship and goodness to share.

Life is too short and no one gets out alive, Faithful Readers. Control what you put out into the Universe before the Universe comes back and kicks your ass!

BEX! 

Allot of hard lessons

Haven't really felt like writing in a while. Too much on my mind, too much stress, too much pent up anger over situations that I let control me instead of me controlling the situations.

My dad and my friend Maverick say that I am too accommodating to people that take advantage of me. I have never really looked at it that way. I always saw it as giving someone the opportunity to be the good person that I see inside of them. People don't always see other people the same way that I do, no matter how they act I always try to look for the good in a person, see the light inside of them that might not be apparent to everyone else on the planet. I give multiple chances to people and I don't like to say goodbye to anyone that's been in my life because I like to believe that eventually they'll see in themselves what I see in them.

I had to walk away from one person that I care about very much. It's all just better if there is distance between the two of us. The whole situation is just unhealthy for us both, no one's fault, no one to blame, it just plain does not work. If he called me up today and said he needed me, I'd be there without a second thought. However, I have to have boundaries for my own mental and emotional well being. Nothing really to be done about it but shrug, accept it as it is and move along. Keep it all black and white. ;)


Kicked my room mate out finally. He did something that I considered disrespectful and dishonorable to another friend of ours. I told him exactly that. He got pissed that I questioned his honor and decided to spear me off my bed and attempt to choke me out in front of my kid. Yep that about shows you his idea of "Honor". Considering he's lived off of me for 8 months and only in the past 3 weeks started contributing a whopping $35-$70 a week, yeah not feeling the loss. And as far as the "friendship" goes well, with friends like that who needs enemy's?? There's too much bullshit in the last 12 years to begin to list. Every single person that's been in my life in those years has had something to say about this situation and I have continually turned a deaf ear, now I'm listening. Now I am done. But just because I am done does not mean the multitude of you can begin with the "I told you so's" because my dad already beat you to it!

My buddy's girlfriend passed away this week. She wasn't someone that I knew particularly well but I liked her and my heart hurts for him. He loved her. Been doing my best to help him through it and be there for him when he needs it. It's been rough on him and it makes my heart ache to see him hurt because he's such a strong person and has already had so many negative things happen to him this year. I believe that he will be able to work through this all and I hope that good things come soon to him.

Today has been a disappointment, something happened that hurt my feelings. But after everything that has happened recently, I realized how completely insignificant it was and I felt stupid for feeling hurt even for a moment.

I once wrote that out of destruction comes creation. It was a blog about things coming to an end so that other things can begin.

I will turn and walk away from all of this having learned allot of hard lessons. I will take away from this what I have learned and I will be a better person for it. Tomorrow the sun will rise on a new day and with it the opportunity for me to be the person that I have not given myself the chance to be. I have changed my path significantly, I will begin to change my stars and for once in a very long time, I have hope and a  smile that isn't forced or fake.

"After all, tomorrow is another day!"

Till next time Faithful Readers,

BEX THE OPTIMISTIC :)

A requiem for unrequited love

I've sat and considered what to write for awhile now and this blank page just keeps being........blank. I've considered writing every single detail down for the sake of getting it all out of my head and attempt to make some (Any) sense out of all that has transpired in just a few short days. I've considered writing all that I am feeling so that I could sort it out. Here is what I came up with:

I am hurt. You and your actions and your insecurities and your need for false, plastic, shallow gratification. All of this hurt me because I let it hurt me. That doesn't excuse you but I do share the blame. I never should have let this happen because I knew better but I let my heart lead me, I saw what I wanted to see, I acted on  hope.

There is no animosity, no anger, because even though I blinded myself and saw what I wanted to see, some part of me has always been painfully aware that you would revert to this behavior, I know you better than any person on the planet. That knowledge unfortunately, brings me no peace but does afford me a sliver of understanding. Not acceptance just understanding.

My friendship does not have an expiration nor does my loyalty but I, myself have boundaries for my own health and well being. I can only handle so much before I become physically ill. Spent all day Tuesday throwing up because of this situation and another unrelated incident with my egg donor that decided to go off her medication.

I digress.

My friendship will always be here but being an intensely emotional person, I need some distance for the time being for my own well being. For whatever reason, we seem destined to share our lives, each of our paths seems to intertwine with the others' and I don't see that ever changing, I hold out the hope that someday the pieces of the puzzle will fit together by themselves. Because I did find my "Jack" he's just tragically broken and lost even if he doesn't admit it and refuses to see it by leading a shallow existence unbefitting the incredible person that I see inside of him. I really hope that no matter what happens, someday he sees in himself what I see.

For now, there is nothing that I can do. I can live my life, that is all. I won't let go but I won't hang on either, if that makes any sense. But I can't keep falling down this rabbit hole because it kills a small piece of me every time. It's time for me to climb up into the sunshine again. Preferably in a nice pair of heels :)

Till Next Time,
BEX


PS. Sorry that this one is such a downer, let us all hope that an adventure(Preferably, please God, a pleasant one) befalls me soon :)

Untitled, I can't think of one.

I love to write. There's no better feeling than when the words just pour out onto the page, expressively and descriptively in the correct amounts to create a visual world. I love when it just overcomes me and an hour later I have a tiny masterpiece. Love to write about what I am passionate about in this crazy little world, politics, news, my adventures, friends, foes, whatever strikes me at that moment.

My passion for writing will quickly turn to soul shredding hatred for writing on days like today when I have something that I want to get off my chest, something that is really annoying the hell out of me and it gets stuck. It's not really writer's block so much as it's like ketchup that gets stuck in the neck of the bottle, you pound on the bottle where the "57" is etched in the bottle because this is a secret of the people who grew up where this shit is bottled and then suddenly.......your staring at a goopy lake of ketchup where a second ago was a nice plate of french fries.

Stuck.

I have deleted the same paragraph 3 times. And re-written that paragraph 3 times in a feeble attempt to express what is stuck in my head.

The words are not flowing properly today and usually I get lost in the words as I am writing them but today I am painfully aware of every movement of my fingers on the keyboard. It makes me very self conscience of what I am doing, which makes it impossible to be creative in any way.

So I sit here at my desk, re-reading the words over and over trying to find a path for them to follow but there is no path because it's stuck. I sit here at my desk, staring at the ceiling, the page, humming to the tunes that I am listening to, bouncing my knee in anxious frustration. I sit here at this desk and the cursor on the page is flashing at me in angry impatience and the red line for spell check glares at me in accusation until I fix my mistakes. I stare out the window and I have to wonder if this isn't more than just my thoughts getting bottled up, if it's me bottling up what I am feeling to an extent in my life that even my writing is coming out in a convoluted mess.

Is this all just a shitty metaphor for my life in it's current state? Is the self awareness that I am experiencing watching myself write really a sign of an existential crisis that I am not acknowledging?

?

How do you know if your going through an existential crisis? What is an existential crisis? Is everyone's existential crisis different because we are all at different realizations of our own existence? In essence, my existential crisis might just be a shade of gray in someone else's World while being bright red in mine.

HA! Shade of gray, funny how life comes full circle sometimes and puts us in the same situation only different positions.

Oh whatever, I am giving up on this process because it is not working for me at all.

Till Next Time,

BEX

Bex Tattoo's Story

A Reader requested that I explain the stories and meanings of my Tat's. Let me begin by saying that it pumped my ego to get a request by someone other than my roommate, Mom or Dad, LOL! Each one of my tattoo's has come into being from adversity. After surviving a particularly trying time in my life, I have gotten a tattoo to remind myself that I survived, sometimes to remind myself that I am still me, sometimes a tat will begin as one thing and end up meaning something different when I am finished. I will explain all of the meanings (to me) for each one and some of the stories but not all the stories because some are immensely personal in a nature that doesn't seem publicly appropriate, I know that you will understand. 

"Slide" Back of my neck. 

I usually doze off during the tattoo process, the sound of the tat gun makes me sleepy for some weird reason. Not this particular tat. It was the longest 10 freaking minutes of my life and yes dear reader, I cried! Only 1 person in 8 years has ever guessed the origin of this one without me explaining it first. "Slide" is from Fight Club, a book and movie very close to my heart for multiple reasons. I got "Slide" to remind myself to let all the bullshit, all the materialistic, the impossible expectations, all of the Societal rules, all of it, to just slide off my back and remain true to myself at all times.

Back of my neck

"Theater Masks" 

My first tattoo. My oldest son, B, was born. I know it seems a bit cryptic to get a tattoo such as this because a child was born, let me attempt to explain before you pass judgement. It was funny because I discovered I was pregnant completely on accident at a Metallica/Danzig/Suicidal Tendencies concert, all because I drank 2 beers and promptly threw up and my BFF made a joke about me being pregnant because I have the alcohol tolerance of a sailor. It was a good thing in the sense that I was in a "Lost Soul" phase of life, doing allot of things that I shouldn't have been doing, fucking up the things that were important, then came this little life that suddenly I would be responsible for! It was tragic in that I was not prepared for any of it and I was alone, scared, uncertain. 

Damn, this is allot harder than I thought it would be. I'm only 2 into it and already emotionally exhausted and tearing up.

Back right Theater Masks 1st tattoo

 My forearms. 13, Shamrock and Forever Broken.
13 is my lucky number. I was born at 5:13pm and ever since when it comes to something lucky happening to me it always involves a 13 in some form. My Shamrock is for my pure Irish luck, Thank You "Murphy"!
Forever Broken hearts. I already wrote a blog about these. And to be honest, recent events that have brought the past full circle to me.....well, let's just say that it's all too fresh in my mind and heart to speak about right at this moment in my life. Read the past blog if your so inclined.

Outside Forearms

Aahh, my chest. 

The 2 Nautical Stars are a constant reminder that I am ROCKSTAR! No, seriously. Those 2 big Star's represent all that I feel is Disco, Rockstar, Fabulous about being me. 

Now the one in the center of my chest is a bit more dark. Ace of Spades, 8 ball, Dice. Life is essentially a game of chance, a good 75% of it is luck. Hence why there are flames around the dice, you figure it out. Also the one of the few tat's that I have that isn't symmetric. 

Chest piece (unfinished)

Outside right bicep

Both of my arms are essentially the same except for the characters on top. The left means Chaos and the right means Rage. Dragon's are a symbol of protection. Not going in to detail on this one. Essentially, I had a family member that was in DEEP with drugs and decided to entwine their life with mine so completely that it affected me in nightmarish ways and I had no control of my life at all. My absolute, unadulterated rage that I felt in the midst of this complete chaos finally made me snap in a very physical and violent way (I choked then proceeded to punch said person in the mouth). The characters remind me of that pain and the dragon's protect me from letting myself into situations like that again. It's a simple progression down my arm that serves as a reminder. Negativity at it's worse (Characters) Talismans protection (Dragon's) Positive endings (Pink Stars)

Outside left bicep

LOL, didn't realize this picture was upside down! 2nd Tattoo. A Christmas present from my brother Ryan. My tiny little tribal fairy. Was going through a whole new level of Hell at the time. My marriage was disintegrating before my eyes and it wasn't until later that I found out the why of it all, my youngest son was born premature by almost 2 months, and the emotional terrorism that I was allowing to be exacted upon myself was coming to an unexplainable and almost devastating end. But in the middle of it, Ryan bought me my tiny, tribal fairy and she has listened to me through it all :)

Inside left forearm

I actually have this design on the inside of both wrists. They are tribal wings with a little blue orb in the center to signify the cool, calm, blue center of my being surrounded by my personality's ability to fly. I designed it myself and had them placed on my wrists because when I was a teenager I put both arms threw a window. The scarring looked like dark scratches thank God but for some reason or another, everyone always assumed it was a suicide attempt. Let me assure you, it was not. But I got tired of the questions, I designed the image and covered the scars forever!

Inside left wrist

I got the tribal fairy on the inside of my right forearm directly after I got the outsides of my biceps finished so that I'd have a second fairy to listen to me and as a symbol that all that craziness was completely done and over with. She is my victory fairy! Originally she was a full colored fairy that I found on the flash in a tattoo shop in Orlando. The image didn't suit me, so I spoke with the artist and he transformed it to a black tribal for me!

Inside right forearm

Inside forearms and wrists

On the inside of my left bicep is SPQR. Senatus PopulusQue Romanus. The Senate and People of Rome. It's been used on many things in Roman culture, hell it's even on manhole covers! It was also tattooed on the arm of soldiers in the Roman Legion, which is why I got it. Above all else I am a soldier.

On the inside of my right bicep is my father's initials, J.H.V.M because my Dad is my best friend. No matter where I go he's always with me.

Inside bicep's

Yes I REALLY have Pink hair

"Chaos and Candy" Bex Universe is always chaotic, sometimes more, sometimes less but you can't have the sweet without the sour. Chaos makes me appreciate the Candy sweetness of living my life.

Outside forearms

My Key

I wear an antique skeleton key around my neck. It is the key to my heart and my next tattoo. 

I hope that you enjoyed reading this one because for me it was extremely emotional, hopefully you got the answer's you were seeking my requesting reader or at least a bit more insight into me as a person. If by chance you did not receive the answer you were looking for than I do apologize but guarantee that if you ask me directly I will in fact answer. 

Till Next Time Faithful Readers,

BEX

A Positive Affirmation

Affirmation: The assertion that something exists or is true.

I was having a conversation after the consumption of many drinks, with a friend. I've kept it in the back of my mind for a couple of days, mulling it over, considering every angle, puzzling it's definitions, contemplating it's existence, comparing it's contents to situational observances. After all of this meditation, reflection, musing, I have come to a very important conclusion.

Nothing.

That is my conclusion, nothing.

I can tell you that you are a beautiful person but it's up to you to choose to believe it. I can tell you that you are worth the world after so many have made you believe that you are not but it's up to you to truly see in your heart your worth as a person. I can't take away the pain of a broken heart, I can only try to make you smile and I can't take away your tears, I can only hold you when you cry and dry them when your done. I can tell you that no matter what happens to us in this world, you will always have my deepest friendship, my loyalty and above all else my unconditional love. I may not talk to you for years at a time but you can still call me up and I will be there for you faster than you can ask me. I may not like or approve of some of your actions, it may make me angry but that doesn't mean that I love you any less. I love you and always will, the dynamic of it may differ through time but the love never fades, it grows every time I see the light of your heart. You will always have a place in Bex World.

A Positive Affirmation.
Affirmation: The assertion that something exists or IS true.

I am Bex. I exist. I am true.

I do not choose my clothing based on what someone else may think is attractive, I do not put my makeup on because someone else may think it's pretty, I do not subscribe to conventional beauty ideas. My body is not perfect, I do not look like a super model, I do not have long flowing hair, I do not have flawless skin, I will never look like the cover of a magazine.

I choose my outfits, shoes, makeup, jewelry on a daily basis, based on what makes me feel good about me. I have short hair because I look good in short hair and it's comfortable and easy to maintain and in all honesty some of the devices and hair care products that people with long hair have to deal with kinda intimidate and in some cases down right fucking scare me. Those devices look like something straight out of the Inquisition! 

I do not have tattoo's because all the cool kids have ink. Each is a story, each tattoo is a permanent reminder of some situation I overcame. Each is a reminder of victory over adversity.

I have pink hair because I like it, I look sexy in pink hair and it suits me both physically and my personality. I don't color my hair pink for anyone else's approval, I do it because pink hair is mine, it is Bex.

I am Bex. I look the way that I want to look, act the way I want to act, I have my own individual beliefs, I am truly my very own and no one here or in the after life will ever change who I am. I will always speak the truth to myself and also to you. I will not conform my beliefs, my value's, my personality, my appearance or my life. You may not love me but you at least have to respect me for that reason alone.

I may not be 18 year old super model pretty but I am gorgeous and painfully beautiful in my Bex way. I am beautiful because I smile a real smile not one created by plastic and expensive dental work, I laugh a real laugh from true feeling, I love true and deep because it is real and not fake.

And you may think that this is about you but it isn't. This is about me reminding myself of how lucky I am to be Bex because sometimes even I can lose myself in the day to day trivial bullshit.

My conclusion of nothing is because I can't make you see yourself as I see myself or even as I see you. It's something you have to come to on your own. You have to see your beauty and your self worth and your inner light. I can only show you and tell you but you have to be the one to believe in yourself.

I am a very self assured person with one hell of a healthy self esteem and I know for a fact what my self worth is. Sometimes I wish I could lend that out to people I know for just 5 minutes.

Till Next Time,
BEX :)

Some casual observations for you

I've been noticing that the News recently is lacking something very significant, such as, oh I don't know maybe, NEWS. Seriously I do not want to see that a dog named Cooper likes to ride in the sidecar of his owners motorcycle and a major headline is not a family of morons standing on the side of the road waving thank you signs at firefighters in Colorado. And no I do not want to hear that the lead singer of Sugarland is pregnant because I don't give a flying fuck. I generally watch HLN because the news anchors are fun and they're usually on the ball with breaking news. Lately I've found the news faster online than what they're reporting.

That wild and crazy world leader Putin met with our President and relations between the 2 of them were showing signs of strain. Really?? Now there's something new, a world leader showing strain speaking with our President, hhhhmmmmm........could it be because our President is an alienating asshole that has isolated every single one of our allies with his single minded agenda's? Hell Syria's President Assad was one of our closest allies up until last year as was Mabarek in Egypt and Netanyahu in Israel. He ostracizes any leader that doesn't tow the line for his agenda. At least the fences were mended slightly with Israel so far but I don't know how long that duct tape will hold. And it kinda cracks me up that he's pissed off at Putin for supplying Syria's military because we're supplying the Rebels.

Oh and let's not forget Obama's blatant disregard for our own governments legal process with that new immigration law he just passed for anyone that was a child up to 30 years of age that entered our Country illegally. Hey thanks Obama! I don't qualify for food stamps, medicaid or any other social program but now the illegals can get free food, health insurance, scholarships, small business loans, home loans, car loans. That's awesome! So while Obama is doing all of this for people that aren't even citizens, that broke the fucking LAW by entering this Country, I ask you this: What's he doing for us, the citizens, the people born in this Country LEGALLY? Where are the jobs, the loans that don't require perfect credit scores, the health insurance and assistance with groceries? Where is the help for the real people of America???

Everyone is so saddened by the passing of Rodney King, the "Snooki" of the 90's generation. Yeah, I said it. Rodney King was a fucking media whore that profited off an amateur video that only showed the last 5 minutes of the incident. Yeah he was beat by the cops. But does anyone remember that he was doing 110mph on the highway, refused to pull over because he KNEW a breathalyzer would have put him 2 1/2 times the legal limit thus violating his parole which he was on for armed robbery, he got off the highway and proceeded to speeds exceeding 80mph through a RESIDENTIAL neighborhood. When King finally pulled over his 2 passengers exited the vehicle without incident, nothing happened to them, do you understand that? Nothing happened to his passengers. King on the other hand threw 2 police officers off of himself, punched a 3rd officer, got tasered, stood up and went after the cops which promptly turned into the beat down the public saw 3 minutes of. Rodney King was no civil rights hero, he was no activist, he was no one to be idolized by a community unless your community idolizes 3 strike felons. King was a manipulative media whore that strategically released books and interviews as his bank account saw fit. All you liberal cry baby's can shed tears but I say good riddance to another criminal and leech.

Okay, okay, okay. I know, I'm climbing off my soapbox. Here's some funny stuff to get you through the day!

Kurt Cobain's daughter Francis Bean Cobain (right there should have been the first clue of copious drug use) is offering $5,000 reward for her missing cat. Am I the only one that thinks her mom, Courtney Love came to visit and accidentally ate the cat while she was high? C'mon, it's not by a long shot the craziest thing Love has done, it's a plausible theory.

Microwave cooking directions on food is obnoxious. I pulled out a package of frozen burgers that my mom gave us the other day and I'm reading the instructions on how to nuke these tasty, convenient slabs of processed yumminess. "Cook for 65-75 seconds then let stand for 1 minute." Wait, wait, wait. Your telling me these assholes couldn't just write "Cook for a minute 5 seconds-1 minute 15 seconds." seriously? It was too tough to write that? Instead I lost 10 seconds of my existence because to me, in my mind, it became one of those horrible word problems from math class. A train left the station in Chicago heading to New York travelling at 100mph and the driver had 2 1/2 times the legal amount of alcohol in his system..........42! The answer is always 42 and yes I know where my towel is, thank you Ford Prefect and Arthur Dent!

Little things like that annoy me to no end.

 Till Next Time Faithful Readers,

BEX (you'll find me in the second booth at The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe because I give up on Earth)

Are you F***ing kidding me?????

In a previous blog titled "No, shit ma...there we were" I explained a day in Bex World. Most of you would think that days like that are a rarity, a fluke. In all actuality I have days like that constantly! "Murphy" loves screwing with me on a day to day basis. I'm sure in your warm, comfortable, safe life, faithful reader that your thinking that I may be exaggerating or embellishing these little stories but if anything, I'm understating allot. Again, I usually keep this my strictly business blog but I think due to circumstances we'll make an exception. And the story begins like this "Once upon a Saturday........"

Fade to 24 hours ago......

Friday. Friday should be a happy day. It's the beginning of the weekend! Parties, concerts, BBQ's, beer, friends. I love the weekend because I honestly never know what it will bring. I've honestly attempted to lay low for the past couple of days, just wanted to ride out the rest of the week and get to the weekend but evidently the Universe thought differently!

Friday began in an off manner. I wasn't hearing from someone important to me, the feud between mom and I came to a full blown explosion when I found out she was sticking her nose where it did NOT belong and I jacked my neck up sleeping! Who does that?? By the time my roommate showed up, I was a hair away from just losing it completely. As shitty luck would have it, both my roommate and my son were sleeping elsewhere. Generally I love it when that happens and would have loved it except that my important person decided to disappear completely, *Poof* gone. If misplacing people were a super power, I'd blow Stan Lee's fucking mind!! So I sat and watched TV by myself and drank some beers. Super freaking boring. I truly thought that was a bad enough end to a crappy week. Let me put this past week in perspective for you, it was so bad that speaking to my son's dad's wife was the highlight of my week. Yeah....

I wake up much earlier than my brain deemed necessary this morning. Thankful as all hell that it is cloudy because I honestly do not think I could've handled Sunshine. I wake up and the stupid damn cat is sleeping on my face. Awesome because I'm allergic to the stupid damn cat! Oh, hilarious, my eyes are so swollen from the stupid damn cat that I can barely open them! Still no word from the important person, okay we will proceed with the broken heart at full speed ahead. Okay well, let's go make some coffee. Made myself something to eat while I'm waiting on the liquid happiness to finish brewing! Except that the liquid happiness machine decided to be possessed by some truly malevolent spirit and I did not notice. Poured myself a cup of liquid happiness not looking, took a sip and very nearly died. I like strong coffee but this was utterly and completely undrinkable. It was quite literally the consistency of sludge from the bottom of Onondaga Lake. And tasted what I would imagine to be about the same. I quickly slammed water to try to get that out of my mouth while looking at the machine and realizing it only brewed half the water for a 10 cup pot, the other half of the water is now a small pond on the counter. Okay, well....clean everything up and decide to go do something harmless like check my email. HA! I'm sitting at my desk and I realize the cat is meowing in a weird way and there is a scratching noise. And it triggers a memory. A few months back the stupid damn cat was in heat. Always a good time but this time, the only time in 4 years, my female cat scented, sprayed what ever you call it, right into my $500 designer fucking handbag. Are you fucking kidding me??

I jumped out of my chair when realization hits me like a brick wall, there's Cuddles spraying to her furry little heart's content in my walk in closet, right in my laundry basket, looking up at me with big innocent kitty eye's. Oh come on!!! Really?? Chase her out of my room, trip over air, land on my face. Yeah, okay....Now I have a bruise on the side of my face and a strip of rugburn and my neck feels like someone took a bat to it. Stupid, damn cat stops looks at me and prances, PRANCES away! I said screw it and mixed half a sludge with some water because honestly I'm really fixing to snap now and there's only 4 beers! I'm sipping my sludge when I hear Cuddles again, sounds like she's in the hall so I go look. Nope not in the hall, it's coming from my room. There her little furry highness is in the closet spraying my backpack. 7 Hell's! Chase her out and slam the door this time.

There was an actual hour of quiet, a whole hour.

And then my son's stepmom called me again. The drama my egg donor began at the start of the week came to an explosive end. It's gotten so spun out that she'll be lucky if the cops aren't called on her and they don't charge her with kidnapping.

Want the true kick to the ball's? It's only 2:30 in the afternoon.

Will a faithful reader bring a Bex a beer?

Till Next Time,

BEX Giving Up!

It Feels Good To Be......ME!!!

Which is funny because there is absolutely nothing happening in Bex World right now. I'm waiting on someone to get in touch with me so I'm kinda stuck in a hold pattern, waiting to land. It should annoy me because I hate waiting and I really hate when someone thinks it's okay to keep me waiting, it's not. For those of you that get a kick out of my knack for injuring myself, I have managed to screw up my neck twice in two weeks. Can you guess what I was doing to sustain an injury that feels like whiplash? Jesus, you guy's have some seriously smutty minds! Get your mind out of the gutter! I was sleeping. Seriously. I hurt myself sleeping. Freaking hurts and of course I never relax, I carry all my tension in my neck and shoulders so as you can imagine, it feels like getting hit with a bat constantly. But it honestly does feel good to be me. I'm not going to stress about other people and once I am done writing I am going to prop up on my pillows and read. I am not going to rush the day and I am not going to let the little things or things I have no control over or small minded people piss me off like they did yesterday. Liberating, isn't it?

Today's news was rather banal, so I switched it off and turned on my tunes. I just retrieved some of my "Lost" music so it's been a minute since I had listened to it, it made me dance. Sometimes in life you have to stop for 5 minutes and dance, no thinking, just let go and dance.

Before switching off HLN News, there was a story that made me giggle a bit. In Missouri, a woman was caught shoplifting in a Wal-mart. Okay, big whoop, right? Except she had a portable meth lab in her purse and started making meth in the loss prevention office! Really wish they had caught that on a viral "People In Wal-mart" video. Really?? Your waiting to be arrested in a loss prevention office and you begin making meth? WOW! Even I can amuse myself for a half hour in a boring office, how bored was she? I want to know 3 things, 1) What went through the cop's and manager's minds when they caught her making meth in an office waiting area? 2) Please oh please tell me what excuse she gave! 3) How big was that fucking purse!?! Is a purse portable meth lab even possible? I just know what I see on TV and the labs are always big enough to explode your trailer and the next 3 trailers down, how do you fit that in a purse?

Bex Rainbow Shout Out goes to Fort Polk, Louisiana! They had a same sex marriage on post in a church despite the fact that same sex marriage is against State law there. It was an active duty soldier holding a private ceremony on a military base, perfectly legal. Ha, fuck you bigoted law! Of course the local news crew found the toothless redneck that commented "I just don't believe those people have a place in our military." Well Johnny Q. Backwoods, I got news for you and this may come as a shock....Gays have been in the military since the dawn of time, sunshine, they just don't have to hide anymore. However, Mrs. Johnny Q. Backwoods went on camera and stated that she was all for it. I think her lack of teeth got considerably less that evening after seeing Johnny's face in reaction to that. Kinda makes you wish Lafayette (True Blood) was a real person, doesn't it???

 Well Faithful Readers, I wish there were more on my mind to share with you! As much as my neck hurts, it's a beautiful day outside and the Sun waits for no one, so off I go...

..Till Next Time,
Suntan Bex :)

A Bex Memory For You....

My dad was never a big reader, it was always my mom. When I was 8, my dad was going through some boxes of his and found a couple of old paperback books. The kind of paperback's that were marked $.70 retail price, lol. I can honestly say that the first 2 that he handed me completely made me tune out and try to wiggle around him to see what other more interesting treasures may be hidden in that box! I wasn't allowed in our back closet so when dad was in there, I was in there or at least trying to get a peek at what wonders could possibly be in there. There had to be wonders in those boxes and suitcases if I wasn't allowed in there because I was never forbidden anything in our house.

As I was trying to serpentine my way around him, he handed me a paperback. "This book is something that you should read, read it front to back and come tell me what you think." I looked at it skeptically at first, this book looked like it had been through hell and back and took several detours along the way. It dawned on me that if this book looked that worn, it meant that dad had read this book many times and it was important enough to be placed, carefully in a box and kept in the forbidden area. He had handed me a copy of Farenheit 451by Ray Bradbury. I left dad to continue his adventures and went directly to lay on my bed and read.

I started reading at a severely young age and I comprehended all that I read. However, as any cerebral person will tell you, reading, comprehending what you read is a completely different creature than having a story reach out and pull you in to it. I had never really experienced that before that day.

I laid across my bed all afternoon, I read that book twice that day. That evening I came downstairs and my dad was sitting on our patio, I just stood there and he asked if I had finished the book. I promptly burst into tears, crawled up on to my dad's lap and cried myself to sleep.

I won't bore you with the details of the conversation that dad and I had about that story or my interpretations of the story itself. After that day, talking with my dad, I was quite certain of 2 things. My dad was the epitome of that quote "Still waters run deep" and that if one story could pull me in like that, there had to be more!! I was completely hooked and I wanted to write just like that when I grew up!

Even today, I will get lost in a story and find it so hard to leave that wonderous land that I will re-read it over and over until I need a new copy. And I like to think that you will read my adventures, my stories or my quirky observations and live them with me through my words. I could never hope to be a Ray Bradbury but if 1 person on this planet reads my words and gets lost in the experience than that is good enough for me.

There are times that it all just seems like too much for me to handle at one time and let's face it, nothing ever comes at me unless it all comes at once in an overwhelming wave. When those times hit me, I lay across my bed all afternoon and I usually read it twice :)

Till Next Time, Faithful Readers,

BEX

No shit Ma, there we were.....

Holy 7 Hell's this has been an adventure! Let's start out with the fact that I sat around waiting for the entire day yesterday, I wrote a blog and that was it. Finally at 4pm we took the boy to Grandma's and me and Dave were off and running. It started out innocently enough, just gonna stop by one of our bars and have a couple beers. It always begins innocent enough! Next thing ya know we're having a conversation with a guy named Wayne that involves Obama in a sex swing getting fisted by George W. No shit Ma, there we were.......

We decided after MANY beers to go by our buddy Terry's place. *Sigh* Somehow I end up reassuring a crying girlfriend (Not mine) that being adopted is ok. Wasn't paying attention to how that came about but hey, whatever. No shit Ma, there we were......

Get a call from a high school buddy inviting us to come have beers at his house. Always starts out innocent enough. Evidently this was around the same time that "Murphy" perked up and started paying attention. Many beers later, Dave passes out in the chair and the rest of us decide it's sleepy time. Now this is the one really shiny spot in an otherwise bizarre story, Oh my freaking Gods I slept freaking awesome!!!! Wake up and do the whole "Dude, gonna collect my roomie and head back home" thing. Walk into the room......"Where's Dave??" "What do you mean, where's Dave?" "I had a Dave, I left my Dave in that chair right there, there's no Dave in that chair, where is Dave?" "DAVE???" No Dave, Dave left. Awesome. My phone's dead. Awesome. I can only remember 1 god damn phone number, My Dad. Call the dad and spent 10 minutes trying to get him to call my mom who has Dave's number, to call Dave to tell him "Asshole, you left me here and I don't even know where here is!!!!" I'll save you the specifics dear reader but there was a couple of HOURS of phone tag. Finally my buddy decided to call me a cab. As luck would have it Dave calls right after we call a cab, so we cancel the cab and I can hear the taxi driver cussing out my buddy out from across the room. 10 minutes later Dave calls to inform us that his tire is flat. Yeah. Awesome. At this point the phrase for today is repeatedly "Are you fucking kidding me??" Okay, find another taxi company because we are definitely NOT calling the angry guy back. 15 minutes later I'm finally in a cab heading back to the suburbs THANK FUCKING GOD!!! Now let's back track for a minute because there is some funny shit occurring while all this craziness is ensuing. My buddies son comes over. The boy is adorable, shy and there is a strange girl in his world, you can understand the kid needs a minute to collect himself and you could see him trying to puzzle this out on his own. Let's face it readers, I don't make allot of sense to myself so I can't make a whole lot of sense to a 7 year old, actually it turns out I make perfect sense to a 7 year old!! Of course his eyes get as big as plates as soon as I take my hat off and he see's the gloriously Pink hair. At this point I'm in all futility trying to start a conversation with a kid that's still trying to figure out who the hell I am!! Army, thank god for the Army. My buddy kept walking out of the room and seriously, not kidding, as soon as he would walk out I was bombarded by a staccato machine gun fire of questioning, LMAO!! He'd come back in the room, silence.......leaves the room, BAM a hundred questions in 10 seconds or less, back in the room, silence......leaves the room, BAM here come the questions!! I was cracking up until he asked me about killing "Bad Guys", he's 7. How does a person answer that question without scarring a 7 year olds brain forever? Man, I just got my buddy back I don't want to be responsible for fucking up his kid 10 minutes after I met him!!! I did what any sane adult would do, I changed the subject and ran away. I ran as quickly as I possibly could. No shit Ma, there we were.......

No, reader, we are only half way through this little debacle. We have reached the half way point and if you are not drinking a beer by this point in the story, you sir are a pussy!

One of my buddies family friends was there and he had me cracking up because honestly I thought our house was the only place on the planet to hear some completely random craziness. He comes out and asks my buddy if he came into his room's doorway last night. ??? "No, wasn't me" "Huh, looked like a bear" ????Silence      "A Bear." "Yeah looked like a bear." My buddy's dad comes in the room. "Hey were you standing in the doorway last night?" "No, why?" "Huh, must've been a bear." Remember this it's very important.

I'm in the taxi, my buddy gave me $45 for a taxi, it came to $44.20. Seriously. Didn't even get a kiss on the cheek for that anal raping. Taxi driver's cell rings and I hear him tell the person "Yeah, I'm in Liverpool, really? Really? Wow I'm sorry!" Hangs up, looks at me and asks "Did you cancel a cab earlier? Cuz that guy is 6 foot 3 and pissed off!" Fuck me silly, Are you fucking kidding me right now?? I get home FINALLY, 4 hours after this all began. Phone immediately on the charger, look at the flat tire, look at Dave and shake my head "I can't believe that just happened". So Dave is explaining to me that he left because he woke up freezing and we were no where to be found "I looked in the rooms downstairs and even stood in the living room for a minute wondering if I should wake this guy up and ask him where ya were." I found the Bear, Dave is a missing Bear. No shit Ma, there we were......and there was a Bear.

I don't know if we will ever be invited back, my wild guess is no. But damn I had a good time and there was a story to tell after. Didn't get the chance to say my goodbye's to this awesomely quirky little group of people because I made my escape rather rapidly once given the chance, So it's left at until we meet again :)

Till Next Time,

BEX, The Lost And Stranded!

I Don't Know and that's what scares me(Oh and zombies)

4 stories in 2 weeks about people eating other people. I hate to say it.....I TOLD YOU SO!!!! Now look at all the fun stories about mysterious rashes popping up and put 2 and 2 together. As odd as this is going to sound, I am strangely ecstatic about the now upon us Zombie Apocalypse! Hooray!!! Finally!! I'll be fine, I've watched enough movies, read all the books, had extensive firearms experience and let's face it, it gives me free reign to shoot things in the head. How much happier could I be?? And as an added bonus, the list of people that I have compiled that I can't wait to put a bullet in well, they're a bunch of panicky pussies so I know for a fact that they'll all get bitten first and if they don't I have a genius plan for making damn sure they GET infected! Ryan, Garcia, I'll meet up with you in the Midwest, less populated more food sources, just give me a day or two to exact some revenge here first. Oh this is like Christmas and Disney land all together with guns and a free license to shoot EVERYBODY!! You can't see it but I'm doing a happy little dance right now.

It feels as if the Universe is in a really weird stand still right now and unless I'm reading this wrong, I've been through this ending before. I'm watching what's happening, just watching it and waiting. And the funny part is that I know what's going on, I've lived this particular cycle but other people are repeating history and blindly not knowing it or at least not identifying that they are. It's going to put me out for a bit but I'll be alright. Unfortunately though, I'm sitting still waiting and watching therefor my world is suffering. Now I know that was a really stupid thing to do, I perfectly understand where I fucked up. In my defense, my world kinda took a twisty 2 weeks ago so the reason I've been doing the watcher thing is because I needed the time to kinda put my pieces semi together again. I failed. But while I was failing myself, I'm watching someone else self destruct.

To sum up, I know how this play's out I don't know exactly how this is going to affect me completely and when I don't know I get a little scared because I am generally pretty in control of my chaos. But I will get the chance to perfect my head shots so I guess it all does have a happy ending :)

Till Next Time,

BEX (Follow me if you want to live and haven't pissed me off recently!)

Summer time

Memorial Day Weekend is always the beginning of my Summer. It starts with an unending BBQ on Friday and Saturday then Sunday is the big KROCK DFB concert. I will be spending my Summer as I usually do, cooking out with friends and heading out to all the local concerts that I can. I always do what I can to support my local music scene but I put forth double the effort during the Summer months because I hate being inside when it's nice :)

Summer to me is a time to be free. Suntans, good music, great friends, cooking out, heading to the beach, ice cold beer, lots of laughs and making awesome memories.

This is going to be a damn fine Summer Faithful Readers,
Till next time,
BEX

Bears, Self Esteem and misc thoughts

I am completely bummed! By now you've all seen the image of the bear falling out of the tree after being tranqu'ed (yes I made that word up) to hell and back, in Colorado. According to Gawker poor falling bear has passed away after finding his way back to the highway and being hit by not one but 2 cars. Poor Falling Bear, your skills at tumbling out of a tree unconscious will be missed in the viral internet world. I don't know why the picture of the poor bear falling out of the tree makes me giggle wait, yes I do. Because at one point or another everyone on the planet has fallen like that at some point. Whether it be drunk, messed up or just gravity checking your sorry ass, everyone has tumbled off something looking just like that drugged bear! You don't have to admit it but I know that your reading this, nodding your head and remembering that fall, LOL. Hey Faithful Reader's it's all good, I trip over air so your fall was probably more dignified and deserving of applause than my goofy inability to stand on 2 feet for more than 5 minutes! So farewell Brave, Falling Bear! May Bear eternity treat you well!!!

Faithful Readers I'd like to think that we know each other pretty well and that while not always agreeing with my outspoken, militant opinions on certain subjects, we agree to disagree and respect each others thoughts. We've talked many times on the subject of self esteem. I guess, once again, I am just trying to wrap my mind around people that base their self worth on someone else's opinions and/or ideas. Yes everyone cares what other people think of them to some degree but I'm talking about those types of people that have to constantly show a false facade to the world in order to impress perfect strangers or people they barely know. What is the deal with that behavior??? I don't get it. I'm a pretty blessed person, I have my insecurities as does everyone but I also have a strong personality with a healthy self esteem. I'm Bex, no more, no less. I live by my own codes of conduct based on friendship, honor and loyalty. Like all humans I am fallible and sometimes fall off my path much like the Bear fell out of that sorry ass tree (exactly like the Bear) but I find my path again, always. I apologize to those that I hurt and move on with my life. Guess I'll never understand or at least I hope I don't :)

I've been keeping up on my Urban and Cemetery explorations. I've gotten some really good pictures!! Getting better at handling my camera, lol, it's pretty easy once you read the destructions!!! Thankfully I've found a pretty cool partner to wander with me that doesn't mind me doing my thing while rambling incoherently about secret society symbolism! And on that note Faithful Readers, Bex is outta here to go crawl through the woods to find cool stuff to explore!!!

Till Next Time,

BEX

"Fixing" Gay and using God

This story came across my path and I have to say it really infuriated me. A Pastor in N.C. had a sermon that was video taped and it went viral because his entire sermon was basically a gay bashing tirade. Pastor Harris told his congregation that if their daughters started acting too "Butch" to force them to dress like a girl, walk like a girl, smell like a girl etc. He told fathers that if they saw their sons' wrists getting limp to smack that wrist, man up and give the boy a good punch.

Let's begin MY tirade with this: Last time I checked Christianity preached that God was a loving God. There was no love being preached in Harris' sermon. How can you call yourself a Christian and be so damn hateful? Last time I checked God does the judging of his flock. I sure as hell don't remember a passage in the bible about giving clergy that right. In fact doesn't Commandment 9 state that you shall not bear false witness against thy neighbor? Pastor Harris is with out a doubt bearing false witness based not upon his religion but based instead by his own prejudices.

I can not fucking abide some ignorant jackass using religion to preach hate and prejudice.

Pastor Harris instead of trying to "fix gay" I think we should concentrate on fixing the epidemic of ignorance that people like you propagate. I want to see Christians like you, Pastor Harris, "fix" stupid because to me that would be the answer to allot of the world's problems. By fixing stupid of this magnitude we will eliminate religious groups that preach hatred and wipe prejudice right off the map! The World would be a shiny, judgement free, acceptance heavy, war free, happy little place!

Seriously. In this age of technology and scientific study why are there still people that deny the science and try to "Fix" genetics?? Doesn't anyone see how dangerous this is? Doesn't anyone remember the Nazi's?? They were hell bent on "fixing" the human race too, look at the scary shit they did!

And why, exactly should it be necessary to "fix" someone just because they aren't like you? Because let's be honest, that's what it's really all about. These nutty ass people can hide behind religion, call themselves fundamentalists or conservatives but it isn't family values that they want to fix, they just want everyone to conform and fit into neat little descriptions. No differences, no individuality, everybody the same.

I personally find that offensive. I don't want to live in a world without diversity, what a boring place that would be!

Besides, if you "fix" gay who in the world will compliment my gigantic, flashy, sparkly rings!?!?

Till next time,

BEX

Have you got anything, I got nothing!

Seriously, Faithful Readers I am not trying to avoid you but honestly there has been nothing to write about! I watch the news every single day, I read the paper, I watch the World around me and yet still I got nothing for ya! So I think I'll switch up once again and break my rule, I'll tell you what's going on around me. Don't get excitable, there isn't much going on in Bex Universe either.

There was one thing in the news that made me giggle. Yesterday a meteor scared Californians shitless! Big ball of fire and a loud boom had Cali residents screaming "Where the fuck is Bruce Willis!?!?"

No meteors in my Universe today but hey, there's always tomorrow!

New guy in my Universe though so who wants to place bets?? My money is on 3 weeks so I'm calling $20 on May 8. Joking people, I'm joking!!!! Of course I believe this will be a nice long relationship that will grow and flourish into the partnership (may 8). I am not pessimistic, I choose to call it realistic. Or maybe cynical. Hhhmm, is what it is and I feel no need to rush it, just enjoying the moment.


Yeah, people. I am sitting here in front of this laptop, listening to tunes and truly I have nothing to write for you. I'd love to be amusing and give you your 7 chuckles for the day but I can't even think of some witty anecdote for ya! So I'm going to hang up my keyboard for today and hope that something interesting happens in the next 24.

Till Next Time,
BEX :)

Peculiar observations of an insomniac

I'd forgotten how much I enjoy sunrise. I watch as the colors stretch themselves farther and farther up in to the sky from the golden horizon. Bringing vibrant, the morning. Beautiful. I always hear my favorite Frost poem in my head at sunrise, puts me at peace even if I've been awake for 2 days.

I have insomnia. Certain times in my life it hasn't been so bad and other times it gets out of control and times like now it's just annoying. Right now I'm battling through an every other day sleep cycle while trying to over come a cold. I get very sleepy, go lay down, float between asleep and awake for an hour and then I'm awake alert and no longer sleepy. Wish we could get an open line of communication between my brain and my body to give me a heads up when we're gonna play this game because I'd personally like to sleep.
It's difficult to explain but I'm going to attempt it. I'm awake all night but certain parts of my mind go to sleep. I don't feel particularly chatty or social, I kind of cocoon myself in my room and read or watch movies. My activities are limited to things that don't require allot of my attention or effort. So it is as if most of my brain is sleeping, the rest being amused by mindless entertainment. Around 6-7 AM I become fully alert again and ready to rock again. The funny thing being that I'm alert enough to make my usual sharp observations and catalog them away for future reference as I would if I were wide awake having coffee watching the news. Curiouser and curiouser......

In Belgium an AD Agency wanted a unique way to promote the cable channel TNT debuting. They put a big red button on a yellow pole in a town square and waited for someone's curiosity to get the best of them. When a hapless attention deficit victim was dumb enough to push the button, yeah......those Belgians are some weird ones! Push the button and an ambulance comes flying around the corner screeching to a halt right in front of the stunned protagonist, flinging open the doors and dropping a body at their feet! Then football players rush out and scoop it up, a bicyclist gets hit by the ambulance, crazy ensues!!! And as it all comes to a close, a giant banner comes down the side of a building with the TNT logo. Huh?? Now I know why most of Europe looks at us in that manner, bad television. Yep, all the world's problems solved right there. Stop subjecting them to our bad television! I don't like watching the 36 hour marathon of Law And Order and I'm an American for Christ's sake, what makes you think subjecting a Belgian villager to this kind of Gitmo style torture will make them happy? I'd hate us too for subjecting me that crap. Europe doesn't make us watch their television (BBC doesn't count, it's American with a better accent) so why would we do it to them especially when it is sensationalizing all the WORST parts of our culture?? Way to propagate hatred, American television!!!! Bad television.

Speaking of bad television, I was watching this really bad ass movie about the Roman 9th Legion when it occurred to me that there is something very wrong with these types of movies. Can you guess what it is? Think 300, Gladiator, Troy, Centurion, basically any movie you've seen in your life pertaining to Ancient Roman and Greek time periods and culture. Got it yet?? Is it driving you crazy trying to figure out what's wrong with these movies? It's kind of like that skit in Sesame Street "One of these things is not like the other".

Did you get it yet????

Define irony. All the movies that you watch based on these Ancient Roman and Greek civilizations have their people depicted by English, Irish, Scottish, Welsh, German, actors! How funny is it that the tribe people the Romans were trying to defeat are now portraying them as entertainment! That's like the Universe fisting them centuries later! So you thought you were global conquerors huh? Watch how I destroy your civilization and make the non-bathing barbarians not only take over your land but wipe you off the planet so thoroughly that they play you in movies! HA! This is like those horrible old western movies where all the Indians were white guys in bad makeup, are there really no Greek or Italian actors good enough to portray their own people???
To me it seems like the ultimate fuck you to these people. Then again I haven't slept in over a day so I might be more sensitive to these things lol. Still seems not right though however I will be chuckling to myself next time I see a movie like these and a guy from Cornwall playing a Roman.

I want to hit on the Mitt & Ann Romney story but to be honest it pisses me off so not sure about that. I think Ms. Rosen had every right to make the comment about Ann Romney. Yeah being a mom is a tough ass job with no gratitude, no pay, no rest, etc. However Ms. Rosen was correct in stating that Ann Romney hasn't worked (career, job) a day in her life so it doesn't qualify her to counsel her husband Mitt on what average working women are financially, economically or politically interested in or fearful of. Ann Romney has no idea what this group of American women want to hear because she's never had anything in common except procreation. Just because all women have a vagina does not make them all equal. Ok enough, it's just getting me aggravated. What's actually sort of funny is that like any good cat fight this too was caused by a guy. Mitt was the one that made the comments that led to all this, hahahahha!!! Way to get the spotlight off of ya for a minute, Mitt, good play!

In a previous blog I mentioned the express way to hell was to steal a blind 5 year olds puppy while she was playing with it. Evidently the robbers saw the error of their ways and returned the girls dog. Happy ending!

It's Friday the 13th. Thirteen is my lucky number and I love Fridays so let's hope for the best!!!

Till next time faithful readers,

BEX

Is it the News or the cold that's slowly killing me???

After watching this morning's serial-stupid news, I'm wondering if I in fact caught a virus from my laptop or if the News has infected me with a violent strain of stupid. Now I'm not going to bitch about the news being stupid too badly because let's face it, the news gets real and I have nothing to amuse you with Faithful Readers!

Newt Gingrich's Campaign bounced a $500 check to the Utah Primary. Let's start out with: How's this rich bastard bouncing checks for a lousy $500?? Next: Who's in charge of his Campaign funds, Bernie Madoff?? Where did all the funds go that he's bouncing checks?? And: Am I supposed to feel as if he's somehow reaching out to us normal people by bouncing a check? It's the Utah Primary Newt NOT Wal-Mart!!! He can't keep his Campaign together and I'm supposed to feel comfortable and confident that he can handle the finances of a huge Country as President?

Epic Fail, Burger King, Epic Fail. Their multi-million dollar reboot to their franchise is just them stealing menu items from other restaurants and over pricing them. Nice, very original!

Express lane to HELL buddy! Someone in Hutchinson Kansas snatched a blind, 5 year old's service dog out of her front yard while she was playing with it. The only quicker way to hell other than stealing a blind kids, service dog out of her yard WHILE she was playing with it, being a Catholic Priest still rates number one on the quickest ways to hell. No one will ever beat them although apparently Teachers are trying REALLY hard!!! (google teacher dates student and be astounded and when did the teachers get hot? how come we had hags?)

Here's a gem I bet you missed!!! Both Miley Cyrus and Ashley Judd lashed out at tabloids for attacking their perspectiive "Body Issues" (Miley was Anorexia and Ashley has a puffy face) Both released statements about the Tabloids focusing a negative perspective on their bodies when it's clearly just food allergies and none of your damn business. Yep. Now wait for it........I want the pot head, stripper pole dancing, flunky child star turned Lohan Lite and the alcoholic, pill swallowing, child abuse victim, bipolar, bulemic, failed actresses to give me advice on my body image???? Oh hell no!!!

Cold is not getting any better and because I can't breathe, I can't sleep. Think 24 more hours and I will technically be classified as Zombie. Created by the toxic combination of cold medicine, allergy medicine and natural sleep remedies. "Zombie brought to proudly by Vick's and Zyrtec, if actual death has occurred please dial 1-800-BAD-DRUG and receive your full refund!!!"

Ok, time for me to go drool on myself. Till next time Faithful Readers,

ZOMBEX :)

Just laugh it off......

I promised my friends a blog about my birthday/Easter (Beaster) weekend yesterday. Sorry that it's a day late!!! Saturday I was supposed to have a party for my Birthday because as happens every couple of years, my Birthday falls on the same day as Easter. Now it's a pain in the ass in a normal year when Easter falls the week before or after but a direct pain in the ass when it falls ON my Birthday. Beaster years aren't that much fun to begin with, but this year it truly sucked monkey balls. I wasn't really feeling my Birthday this year, it's a Beaster year and so far my year has been bizarre and chaotic enough to make me go "Did you just see that, did that really just happen??" but I was willing to say "what the hell" and have the party. Well someone I really cared about kinda screwed me over on Saturday and that was just the straw that broke the back and I cancelled the party. Well my best buddy Dave wasn't willing to let me sit home and mope and surprisingly neither was my mom, so I got mandatory fun day. Mom gave me a handful of cash and said go out! We traveled down to the Rem and had some drinks with Dave's girl Mel who kindly came out to cheer me up even though she was sick. We went to a couple places and had a really good time, glad I got dragged out against my will lol!! Beaster Sunday I woke up much earlier than I wanted because people started texting me at 9 am. So I got up and for the first time in weeks remembered to file my unemployment claim on time, the irony being that I didn't notice my unemployment claim ran out and I was supposed to re-file. Damn!! Had I known that I definitely would not have blown through that much cash but oh well live and learn, right? Then my laptop crashed......Okay now I'm getting pissed off. Walk away from it all and sit down to a cup of coffee, holy hell I thought my sinus infection was gone why do I feel sick??? DAMN IT!!!! I caught Mel's cold!!! I finally go back to the laptop, get it all restored and begin running day long diagnostics to find the problem and as I'm doing this I re-filed my claim. As the day went on the computer turned out to not have a virus but it started to feel like I got one. About once a year I catch a cold and it kicks my ass completely for a week or so, this is my once a year cold. I feel horrible and each day I've held out hope that I'd feel better to no avail. Gram always said a cold took 3 days coming, 3 days staying and three days going. I'm on day 4, 5 more to go. I took a nice hot as hell shower thinking it would help un-congest me a little and make my head feel better. Faithful Readers, remember that I have the uncanny, never helpful ability to test gravity by tripping over air and catching the ground with my face? Your equilibrium is off when your ears get plugged up. Now add 2 and 2. Bex terrible coordination, plugged ears, tipped head to get the shampoo out and a wet soapy shower floor......Yeah, about that......my head hurts but thanks to the new bump and adrenaline rush I could breathe quite clearly for about ten minutes! Ggggrrrrr!!!!! Crappy ass Beaster weekend topped off with a concussion due to head cold, damn! Only in my Universe does this much happen in a 3 day period.

Enough about me! I was watching the news of course, what the hell else am I going to do when I'm trapped on the couch? Story about the Titanic 100th anniversary memorial cruise, punchline: Captain of the ship says hopefully we won't run into any icebergs because it's still a very real occurrence. 100 years later and we're still stupid enough to sail big ass ships in the paths of icebergs, hhhmmmm.......seems to me we could find a safer way to commemorate a ship sinking than possibly sinking our ship, just sayin'. The upside being that in 100 years people will sail a ship through the icebergs to commemorate our sunk ship too!!! Hooray!!

And since we are visiting the land of no common sense, let's pay a visit to it's newest community member. Ah, Ozzie Guillen! He's the Miami Marlins Manager, who evidently needs someone to stand next to him and cover his mouth before saying something incredibly stupid. It all began when Guillen was quoted as saying ""I respect Fidel Castro, You know why? A lot of people have wanted to kill Fidel Castro for the last 60 years, but that son of a bitch is still there."
Ha! HAHAHAHAHA!!! Your in Miami asshole!! You do not say that you respect the leader of a country that the population of your city fled from out of fear. What was he thinking? Oh he tells us what he was thinking, he says that wasn't what he meant that the Cuban to English translation was wrong. So now your telling me that you can't find a decent Cuban translator in a city full of Cuban Americans AND that your English is so bad that you can't A) Conduct an interview in English B) Don't understand English enough to realize there was a problem in translation!

Now understand that I actually agree with his remark. Castro has been poisoned, shot, blowed up and is still ALIVE! He's as bad as Rasputin!!! Fidel is yet another one of those people that I fully believe is a Jim Henson Muppet, being controlled by Jim Henson Productions, who actually control the World.


 CEO of Best Buy resigned. I don't know why and I don't care. You all know how I absolutely HATE Best Buy, maybe the CEO felt the same way. Hahaha Best Buy, even your CEO doesn't like you!!!!

Alright Faithful Readers, My kickass roommate just brought me cold medicine making any more writing today completely impossible if it's supposed to coherent. Gonna stare blankly at TV while drooling on my keyboard hoping to give the virus back to it, LOL!!!

Till Next Time,
BEX

LOL, funny snippets

Short one today because I've managed in 3 days to have a migraine, stomach flu and a damned annoying sinus infection, combination of all 3 have knocked me on my butt for a couple of days. The upside being that I've gotten to watch the news allot which bodes well for you Faithful Readers!

Everyone remembers the model that walked face first into a plane propeller after taking a site seeing flight back in December. She lost an eye and a hand and unless I'm mistaken, probably won't model again. She was walking forward to shake the pilot's hand and somehow MISSED the giant ass, spinning, loud, plane prop and walked face first in to it. Hhhhmmmm, now this story originally made me cringe and yet still get a chuckle out of the fact that the blonde jokes are all seemingly justified by this one woman in this one moment in time. Just when I thought it was just a blip, the truly funny began!!! Ms. Scruggs decided to sue the plane's insurance company. The insurance company offered her $200,000 settlement because she was a passenger and according to their policy that is what she was entitled to. She insisted on more because in her words she "was not a passenger as she had already completely exited the plane and was not in physical contact with the plane and was physically in contact with the tarmac." Needless to say they agreed on aforementioned settlement. LMAO!!! Seriously?? You are dumb enough to walk into a moving plane prop and you have the balls to sue the plane's insurance company??? I wouldn't given her that! I would have given her a smile, said thanks for the laughs and guess you'd better find a way to survive NOT based on your looks! Some times a dumbass can and will become dumber, who knew?

Octomom posed nude. Simultaneously nauseous and amused as hell. You have to give her credit, she has 14 kids and the balls to pose naked! Not to mention her complete almost nuclear way of putting herself back in the spotlight of reality stardom. Snookie gets pregnant, Nadya gets naked. WOW, so that's what desperation smells like!

The movie Twins is coming out with a sequel with Eddie Murphy playing Arnie and DeVito's lost sibling........wonder if they'll go with the housekeepers baby story line?? LOL!

Well Faithful Readers time for some cold medicine, TV, comforter and tea.

Till Next Time,
BEX