Holy 7 Hell's this has been an adventure! Let's start out with the fact that I sat around waiting for the entire day yesterday, I wrote a blog and that was it. Finally at 4pm we took the boy to Grandma's and me and Dave were off and running. It started out innocently enough, just gonna stop by one of our bars and have a couple beers. It always begins innocent enough! Next thing ya know we're having a conversation with a guy named Wayne that involves Obama in a sex swing getting fisted by George W. No shit Ma, there we were.......
We decided after MANY beers to go by our buddy Terry's place. *Sigh* Somehow I end up reassuring a crying girlfriend (Not mine) that being adopted is ok. Wasn't paying attention to how that came about but hey, whatever. No shit Ma, there we were......
Get a call from a high school buddy inviting us to come have beers at his house. Always starts out innocent enough. Evidently this was around the same time that "Murphy" perked up and started paying attention. Many beers later, Dave passes out in the chair and the rest of us decide it's sleepy time. Now this is the one really shiny spot in an otherwise bizarre story, Oh my freaking Gods I slept freaking awesome!!!! Wake up and do the whole "Dude, gonna collect my roomie and head back home" thing. Walk into the room......"Where's Dave??" "What do you mean, where's Dave?" "I had a Dave, I left my Dave in that chair right there, there's no Dave in that chair, where is Dave?" "DAVE???" No Dave, Dave left. Awesome. My phone's dead. Awesome. I can only remember 1 god damn phone number, My Dad. Call the dad and spent 10 minutes trying to get him to call my mom who has Dave's number, to call Dave to tell him "Asshole, you left me here and I don't even know where here is!!!!" I'll save you the specifics dear reader but there was a couple of HOURS of phone tag. Finally my buddy decided to call me a cab. As luck would have it Dave calls right after we call a cab, so we cancel the cab and I can hear the taxi driver cussing out my buddy out from across the room. 10 minutes later Dave calls to inform us that his tire is flat. Yeah. Awesome. At this point the phrase for today is repeatedly "Are you fucking kidding me??" Okay, find another taxi company because we are definitely NOT calling the angry guy back. 15 minutes later I'm finally in a cab heading back to the suburbs THANK FUCKING GOD!!! Now let's back track for a minute because there is some funny shit occurring while all this craziness is ensuing. My buddies son comes over. The boy is adorable, shy and there is a strange girl in his world, you can understand the kid needs a minute to collect himself and you could see him trying to puzzle this out on his own. Let's face it readers, I don't make allot of sense to myself so I can't make a whole lot of sense to a 7 year old, actually it turns out I make perfect sense to a 7 year old!! Of course his eyes get as big as plates as soon as I take my hat off and he see's the gloriously Pink hair. At this point I'm in all futility trying to start a conversation with a kid that's still trying to figure out who the hell I am!! Army, thank god for the Army. My buddy kept walking out of the room and seriously, not kidding, as soon as he would walk out I was bombarded by a staccato machine gun fire of questioning, LMAO!! He'd come back in the room, silence.......leaves the room, BAM a hundred questions in 10 seconds or less, back in the room, silence......leaves the room, BAM here come the questions!! I was cracking up until he asked me about killing "Bad Guys", he's 7. How does a person answer that question without scarring a 7 year olds brain forever? Man, I just got my buddy back I don't want to be responsible for fucking up his kid 10 minutes after I met him!!! I did what any sane adult would do, I changed the subject and ran away. I ran as quickly as I possibly could. No shit Ma, there we were.......
No, reader, we are only half way through this little debacle. We have reached the half way point and if you are not drinking a beer by this point in the story, you sir are a pussy!
One of my buddies family friends was there and he had me cracking up because honestly I thought our house was the only place on the planet to hear some completely random craziness. He comes out and asks my buddy if he came into his room's doorway last night. ??? "No, wasn't me" "Huh, looked like a bear" ????Silence "A Bear." "Yeah looked like a bear." My buddy's dad comes in the room. "Hey were you standing in the doorway last night?" "No, why?" "Huh, must've been a bear." Remember this it's very important.
I'm in the taxi, my buddy gave me $45 for a taxi, it came to $44.20. Seriously. Didn't even get a kiss on the cheek for that anal raping. Taxi driver's cell rings and I hear him tell the person "Yeah, I'm in Liverpool, really? Really? Wow I'm sorry!" Hangs up, looks at me and asks "Did you cancel a cab earlier? Cuz that guy is 6 foot 3 and pissed off!" Fuck me silly, Are you fucking kidding me right now?? I get home FINALLY, 4 hours after this all began. Phone immediately on the charger, look at the flat tire, look at Dave and shake my head "I can't believe that just happened". So Dave is explaining to me that he left because he woke up freezing and we were no where to be found "I looked in the rooms downstairs and even stood in the living room for a minute wondering if I should wake this guy up and ask him where ya were." I found the Bear, Dave is a missing Bear. No shit Ma, there we were......and there was a Bear.
I don't know if we will ever be invited back, my wild guess is no. But damn I had a good time and there was a story to tell after. Didn't get the chance to say my goodbye's to this awesomely quirky little group of people because I made my escape rather rapidly once given the chance, So it's left at until we meet again :)
Till Next Time,
BEX, The Lost And Stranded!
We decided after MANY beers to go by our buddy Terry's place. *Sigh* Somehow I end up reassuring a crying girlfriend (Not mine) that being adopted is ok. Wasn't paying attention to how that came about but hey, whatever. No shit Ma, there we were......
Get a call from a high school buddy inviting us to come have beers at his house. Always starts out innocent enough. Evidently this was around the same time that "Murphy" perked up and started paying attention. Many beers later, Dave passes out in the chair and the rest of us decide it's sleepy time. Now this is the one really shiny spot in an otherwise bizarre story, Oh my freaking Gods I slept freaking awesome!!!! Wake up and do the whole "Dude, gonna collect my roomie and head back home" thing. Walk into the room......"Where's Dave??" "What do you mean, where's Dave?" "I had a Dave, I left my Dave in that chair right there, there's no Dave in that chair, where is Dave?" "DAVE???" No Dave, Dave left. Awesome. My phone's dead. Awesome. I can only remember 1 god damn phone number, My Dad. Call the dad and spent 10 minutes trying to get him to call my mom who has Dave's number, to call Dave to tell him "Asshole, you left me here and I don't even know where here is!!!!" I'll save you the specifics dear reader but there was a couple of HOURS of phone tag. Finally my buddy decided to call me a cab. As luck would have it Dave calls right after we call a cab, so we cancel the cab and I can hear the taxi driver cussing out my buddy out from across the room. 10 minutes later Dave calls to inform us that his tire is flat. Yeah. Awesome. At this point the phrase for today is repeatedly "Are you fucking kidding me??" Okay, find another taxi company because we are definitely NOT calling the angry guy back. 15 minutes later I'm finally in a cab heading back to the suburbs THANK FUCKING GOD!!! Now let's back track for a minute because there is some funny shit occurring while all this craziness is ensuing. My buddies son comes over. The boy is adorable, shy and there is a strange girl in his world, you can understand the kid needs a minute to collect himself and you could see him trying to puzzle this out on his own. Let's face it readers, I don't make allot of sense to myself so I can't make a whole lot of sense to a 7 year old, actually it turns out I make perfect sense to a 7 year old!! Of course his eyes get as big as plates as soon as I take my hat off and he see's the gloriously Pink hair. At this point I'm in all futility trying to start a conversation with a kid that's still trying to figure out who the hell I am!! Army, thank god for the Army. My buddy kept walking out of the room and seriously, not kidding, as soon as he would walk out I was bombarded by a staccato machine gun fire of questioning, LMAO!! He'd come back in the room, silence.......leaves the room, BAM a hundred questions in 10 seconds or less, back in the room, silence......leaves the room, BAM here come the questions!! I was cracking up until he asked me about killing "Bad Guys", he's 7. How does a person answer that question without scarring a 7 year olds brain forever? Man, I just got my buddy back I don't want to be responsible for fucking up his kid 10 minutes after I met him!!! I did what any sane adult would do, I changed the subject and ran away. I ran as quickly as I possibly could. No shit Ma, there we were.......
No, reader, we are only half way through this little debacle. We have reached the half way point and if you are not drinking a beer by this point in the story, you sir are a pussy!
One of my buddies family friends was there and he had me cracking up because honestly I thought our house was the only place on the planet to hear some completely random craziness. He comes out and asks my buddy if he came into his room's doorway last night. ??? "No, wasn't me" "Huh, looked like a bear" ????Silence "A Bear." "Yeah looked like a bear." My buddy's dad comes in the room. "Hey were you standing in the doorway last night?" "No, why?" "Huh, must've been a bear." Remember this it's very important.
I'm in the taxi, my buddy gave me $45 for a taxi, it came to $44.20. Seriously. Didn't even get a kiss on the cheek for that anal raping. Taxi driver's cell rings and I hear him tell the person "Yeah, I'm in Liverpool, really? Really? Wow I'm sorry!" Hangs up, looks at me and asks "Did you cancel a cab earlier? Cuz that guy is 6 foot 3 and pissed off!" Fuck me silly, Are you fucking kidding me right now?? I get home FINALLY, 4 hours after this all began. Phone immediately on the charger, look at the flat tire, look at Dave and shake my head "I can't believe that just happened". So Dave is explaining to me that he left because he woke up freezing and we were no where to be found "I looked in the rooms downstairs and even stood in the living room for a minute wondering if I should wake this guy up and ask him where ya were." I found the Bear, Dave is a missing Bear. No shit Ma, there we were......and there was a Bear.
I don't know if we will ever be invited back, my wild guess is no. But damn I had a good time and there was a story to tell after. Didn't get the chance to say my goodbye's to this awesomely quirky little group of people because I made my escape rather rapidly once given the chance, So it's left at until we meet again :)
Till Next Time,
BEX, The Lost And Stranded!
2 comments:
This blog is definitely Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs ;)
If only my life had the twists and turns you have Bex,......LOL
Post a Comment