LOL, Sorry I'm getting a giggle out of my own title for this blog. Follow me on this one because it's going to all time funny! If you don't get giggles out of this one, you've got to be a humorless zombie!!
We joke sometimes because it seems that I have the ability to influence policies worldwide. Businesses, Major Corporations, Social Networks, The Military, Individuals, Families, you get the point that none our immune to my influence whether direct or indirect. I can be very charismatic when I choose to be. However, I can also be as aggravating as I am charismatic if the mood strikes me. Now we've already covered the fact that certain weaker personalities will try very hard to imitate me in previous blogs. And we've also discussed how some stronger personalities will attempt to break me because they view me as some sort of threat to themselves. There is also that group that endeavors to change me for their own comfort because they misunderstand me. Very few people actually realize that the key to understanding me at all is truly 100% that I am that frighteningly simple. Recently someone thought that was just impossible and kept trying to read more into it until one day he looked at me and laughed and said "wow you really are that simple." I pride myself on keeping things black & white and as simple as possible.
So here is another shining example of how my influence is far reaching. Someone I was with actually is asking new interests what kind of music they listen to in an attempt to avoid my genre of preferred tunes. How fucking funny is that?? On another level, all of this past weeks drama has been caused by someone that is jealous because they aren't a part of my life and desperately wanted to gain my attention back. These are just 2 of the most recent examples. There are many many many more.
This blog is specifically for those individuals that just can't seem to get enough of the awesomeness that is me! You know your reading this blog right now just hoping that I mention you. Praying that I'll confess some sort of emotion towards you. You know your stalking this page, I know your stalking this page, just suck it up and send me an email ya coward! I'm not as mean as some would like to think, I most likely will email you something nice back.
For you, here are some tidbits about me that you can have:
I REALLY am a simple person, stop trying to overthink me!
I have Pink hair and 22 tattoos because it's an outward expression of my inward personality, not because it's "Cool". If anything it's a bitch being this expressive.
I will not leave the house if my nails are not perfectly polished!
I am obsessive about Music!
I do believe in true love despite recent events, I will always be a hopeless romantic.
Just because I don't believe in monogamy doesn't mean that I don't practice it.
I want an English Bulldog more than anything else in the world!!
I will text rather than call if given a choice, I hate talking on the phone.
Chain smoke when I'm writing.
Once I fall in love with someone it doesn't go away. If I loved you in my life there's a good chance that I still love you. My love has never been fickle.
I honestly, deep down in my very soul, without a doubt in my mind, do not care what you think of me nor do I care if you like me. If we are friends than I love you with all of my heart and you own a piece of me. But for the general population of the world, I don't care.
This amount of self confidence, self assurance, and lack of insecurity is honest and true. I really do believe in myself this much. Very few things will shake that and if they do it's just for a moment, then I discard it and move on.
Isn't much that ever affects or touches me.
Well faithful readers that's it for now. Don't forget the Party is Saturday!!
Bex!!
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
At Night....
I visit at night.
I walk through your dreams.
I lay next to you in sleep and kiss away the nightmares, soothing the cares of a worried brow till there is nothing left to trouble.
Mending broken hearts so they may dance together again here if not in waking moments.
In dreams I will exist, in the between I will linger, in the awake I will rest until it is time for you to dream.
We will watch the twilight of each evening together and part when the sun is breaking.
I will hold your hand in many places and we will walk amongst the stars.
I will exist in your dreams where nothing can touch us and curse the sun for taking you away.
These places of imagination, of only feeling and non reality are my home within you.
If I could take away the lies and hurts others have caused, If I could heal your wounds, I don't know that I would just for the chance to walk with you in the light.
Here in dreams I can keep the hurts away forever, here there are no questions to burden the feelings, here in dreams the love is pure, untouchable by others jealousy.
Your smile in dreams is the only light, your eyes reflecting scenes is all I wish to see.
In dreams I will exist, in the between I will linger, in the awake I will rest until it is time for you to dream.
BEX
I walk through your dreams.
I lay next to you in sleep and kiss away the nightmares, soothing the cares of a worried brow till there is nothing left to trouble.
Mending broken hearts so they may dance together again here if not in waking moments.
In dreams I will exist, in the between I will linger, in the awake I will rest until it is time for you to dream.
We will watch the twilight of each evening together and part when the sun is breaking.
I will hold your hand in many places and we will walk amongst the stars.
I will exist in your dreams where nothing can touch us and curse the sun for taking you away.
These places of imagination, of only feeling and non reality are my home within you.
If I could take away the lies and hurts others have caused, If I could heal your wounds, I don't know that I would just for the chance to walk with you in the light.
Here in dreams I can keep the hurts away forever, here there are no questions to burden the feelings, here in dreams the love is pure, untouchable by others jealousy.
Your smile in dreams is the only light, your eyes reflecting scenes is all I wish to see.
In dreams I will exist, in the between I will linger, in the awake I will rest until it is time for you to dream.
BEX
I'm calming down a bit now but I have something to say
I've calmed myself down a bit but I'm still a bit hostile. This week has been filled with drama whores bent on starting some shit with me.
Do you know why people do this? I do. It all comes down to jealousy. That's what this whole mess has been about. Pure jealousy. Jealousy that I am me, Jealousy over my feelings, Jealousy that this person was no longer a part of my life.
I'm so sorry that you have no personality of your own that sucks chica. But don't lash out at me because I have an over abundance of personality and people like me. We aren't in school, this isn't the Valley, you shouldn't feel so insecure that you need to start something because you feel less popular than me. Here is my advice, Get some real friends (not the ones you've never even met on your internet site) Make yourself pretty and go have fun! Be comfortable in your own skin sweetheart, stop trying to be me and go find yourself.
I'm not sorry that you aren't a part of my life. I left you months ago because you were an utter twat! I haven't answered any of your 2am text messages since July for a reason! The one time I hang out with you in months and you turn around and lie about what happened just to insure that I'd never get back with Frank. Well it worked. Congratulations, you are now lower than snail cum in my book! It's all good. See, it didn't work the way that you thought it would. You purposefully set out to hurt me, but guess what? I'm not hurt. Pissed off, you bet! Hurt, no. Because I actually expected this. Dave and I had a whole conversation on how this was going to play out, we knew you were coming with this shit.
Here's what I came to say.
This isn't high school. And I'm sorry that I fed my energy into this bullshit even for one minute! You will not effect my life further because you trouble making ass monkey's do not exist in my Universe. I do not tolerate drama, lying, games and bullshit. Unfortunately I let you bring that crap right to me this week and I reacted instead of ignoring you. It will not happen again. This is "Bex World" and you are not welcome in it. I have been trashed by much better than you, Much better people have attempted to take me down and they have failed. I realize your jealousy of me drives you into a frenzy but I do not care. If you put this much energy into your own life that you just expended trying to ruin mine, you would have all of your dreams come true. I will move forward and this will be discarded along the way like the trash that it is. Try harder next time sunshine.
BEX!
Do you know why people do this? I do. It all comes down to jealousy. That's what this whole mess has been about. Pure jealousy. Jealousy that I am me, Jealousy over my feelings, Jealousy that this person was no longer a part of my life.
I'm so sorry that you have no personality of your own that sucks chica. But don't lash out at me because I have an over abundance of personality and people like me. We aren't in school, this isn't the Valley, you shouldn't feel so insecure that you need to start something because you feel less popular than me. Here is my advice, Get some real friends (not the ones you've never even met on your internet site) Make yourself pretty and go have fun! Be comfortable in your own skin sweetheart, stop trying to be me and go find yourself.
I'm not sorry that you aren't a part of my life. I left you months ago because you were an utter twat! I haven't answered any of your 2am text messages since July for a reason! The one time I hang out with you in months and you turn around and lie about what happened just to insure that I'd never get back with Frank. Well it worked. Congratulations, you are now lower than snail cum in my book! It's all good. See, it didn't work the way that you thought it would. You purposefully set out to hurt me, but guess what? I'm not hurt. Pissed off, you bet! Hurt, no. Because I actually expected this. Dave and I had a whole conversation on how this was going to play out, we knew you were coming with this shit.
Here's what I came to say.
This isn't high school. And I'm sorry that I fed my energy into this bullshit even for one minute! You will not effect my life further because you trouble making ass monkey's do not exist in my Universe. I do not tolerate drama, lying, games and bullshit. Unfortunately I let you bring that crap right to me this week and I reacted instead of ignoring you. It will not happen again. This is "Bex World" and you are not welcome in it. I have been trashed by much better than you, Much better people have attempted to take me down and they have failed. I realize your jealousy of me drives you into a frenzy but I do not care. If you put this much energy into your own life that you just expended trying to ruin mine, you would have all of your dreams come true. I will move forward and this will be discarded along the way like the trash that it is. Try harder next time sunshine.
BEX!
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Drama seeking douche bags and a thing called honor!
People need to stop starting shit on Facebook. How fucking simple minded, immature, dishonorable, skanky and two faced is it to start shit on a fucking social network??????
I live my life by a code of honor. If you have something to say to someone have the nutsack to face that person! Face them and have the common courtesy to give them a chance to speak their mind and if an ass beating ensues than so be it! Fucking COWARDS start shit on the internet. Hide behind the fucking internet so that you don't have to face someone, wtf is that???
I am so sick of people that are so unhappy in their lives that they have to push that shit off on your life because your happy. You want to run your mouth you silly, immature bitches? Fucking face me so that I can make you swallow your fucking teeth.
I am not a negative person but now you have fucked with me.
BE PREPARED I WILL RUIN YOUR FUCKING LIFE NOW COCKSUCKERS!
I live my life by a code of honor. If you have something to say to someone have the nutsack to face that person! Face them and have the common courtesy to give them a chance to speak their mind and if an ass beating ensues than so be it! Fucking COWARDS start shit on the internet. Hide behind the fucking internet so that you don't have to face someone, wtf is that???
I am so sick of people that are so unhappy in their lives that they have to push that shit off on your life because your happy. You want to run your mouth you silly, immature bitches? Fucking face me so that I can make you swallow your fucking teeth.
I am not a negative person but now you have fucked with me.
BE PREPARED I WILL RUIN YOUR FUCKING LIFE NOW COCKSUCKERS!
Tremble for my beloved
In your eyes I see the mists of Avalon, the castles of Camelot, Moonlit meadows dripping stardust in the humid air. In your eyes there are dreamscapes of Sun and stars existing in far off lands of make believe. I have seen your visions in your minds eye and wanted to dance on the lakes of your imagination in your arms, I've wanted to sit with you on clouds in purple skies, I've existed in this place simply by looking into your eyes.
Touches as smooth as silk and satin. The feel of just your finger tips tracing my skin brings unknown ecstasy in unknown sensations. Tasting the tingles from your lips and the sweet smell of your skin lingering in my head, drunk on your essence, on your very light and being.
Your words ringing in my ears. The sound of your voice sending chills everywhere as you whisper my name.
Oh but to lose myself in this moment and lose all time, to exist in your presence and drink of your soul forever would be too much to request. To just live in this moment, exist in this moment will sustain my heart.
Touches as smooth as silk and satin. The feel of just your finger tips tracing my skin brings unknown ecstasy in unknown sensations. Tasting the tingles from your lips and the sweet smell of your skin lingering in my head, drunk on your essence, on your very light and being.
Your words ringing in my ears. The sound of your voice sending chills everywhere as you whisper my name.
Oh but to lose myself in this moment and lose all time, to exist in your presence and drink of your soul forever would be too much to request. To just live in this moment, exist in this moment will sustain my heart.
Is this my heart all a flutter....
Is this my heart all a flutter,
Or is it the jalapeno's and Peanut Butter?
When in bed so close together in each other's arms we lay,
You talk of your feelings and I'm trying to find a quick get away.
My pulse races when your near by,
Because damn it I accidentally looked you in the eye!
And now there's no chance for escape,
My brain cells you will rape,
With your obliviously ignorant observations,
During which I will think of gnawing through my wrists to exit this conversation.
Is this my heart beating to fast, for you, in my chest
Or is it the thought that you will come to your senses and give it a fucking rest?
The thought of a love that endures forever makes my emotions soar,
Until I hear your shrill voice as you come through the door.
Was sitting in my truck warming it up to take Joe to work and was thinking about a couple of my friends and their ongoing plight in relationships. This is what popped into my head so I scribbled it on a napkin (why is it always a napkin that's nearby me when the Muse hits?) And here it is for your amusement. Oh, the first 2 lines are totally me, jalapeno's & peanut butter rock!! Try it!!
Forever your unspoken thoughts,
BEX!
Or is it the jalapeno's and Peanut Butter?
When in bed so close together in each other's arms we lay,
You talk of your feelings and I'm trying to find a quick get away.
My pulse races when your near by,
Because damn it I accidentally looked you in the eye!
And now there's no chance for escape,
My brain cells you will rape,
With your obliviously ignorant observations,
During which I will think of gnawing through my wrists to exit this conversation.
Is this my heart beating to fast, for you, in my chest
Or is it the thought that you will come to your senses and give it a fucking rest?
The thought of a love that endures forever makes my emotions soar,
Until I hear your shrill voice as you come through the door.
Was sitting in my truck warming it up to take Joe to work and was thinking about a couple of my friends and their ongoing plight in relationships. This is what popped into my head so I scribbled it on a napkin (why is it always a napkin that's nearby me when the Muse hits?) And here it is for your amusement. Oh, the first 2 lines are totally me, jalapeno's & peanut butter rock!! Try it!!
Forever your unspoken thoughts,
BEX!
Too funny for words
Some stuff that's just made me laugh very recently, Status shuffle, Perry Mason, My son's, crazy new stalker neighbors and of course being ME!
These may come out of order so be aware of that. I'll start small. Perry freakin' Mason! For some reason one of the premium movie channels I have on Fio's shows old Perry Mason movies starting at like 5am. Lately the insomnia has been killing me, so I've been up till about 6. Old Perry runs around with the help of his assistant solving all these wild little crime mysteries and then the criminals are like "aww shucks Perry Mason busted me, damn he's good!". I want to know how come the criminal element isn't going "Hey this Perry guy keeps catching us, $10,000 to the first person to shank this fat motherfucker!!" Seriously, how did this guy not get killed? I realize it's television and all fictional and stuff but come on a little reality would be nice, at least let him get taken hostage and have to like gnaw through the ropes to get away or have him get sliced and end up with a bad ass scar across his big melon! Those movies suck and I can't figure out why, with all the movies out there they are showing Perry fucking Mason!!
Being me is always a laugh, even when it's not. Yesterday was one of those awesome days when my Muse was working in short, witty bursts. Here are a few of my gems from yesterday, please feel free to steal a few but at least treat them like quotes and give me proper credit because it takes a lot of work to be this funny! " Ever look at one of your ex's and think WOW was I drunk through that whole relationship? If that's love I'd rather drink battery acid! Ever listen to something your kid says and wonder if he was switched at birth? How did you manage to escape Darwins Theory? Your intelligence called, it wants you to know that your not worth the effort it's leaving you. Sorry buddy! Some people aren't even worth the energy of using the brain cells damaged by alcohol! I feel my brain cells jumping to their death every time you breathe, damn oxygen thief!".
I make me laugh sometimes but this segues into my next topic very nicely.
Status Shuffle or How I can steal someone else's humor. Now don't get me wrong, I will use a quote from someone because it's funny or poignant. I will repost a status for the same reasons. And sometimes the shit you find on Status Shuffle is hilarious!!! I'm not arguing that. What cracks me up to no end are the people that ALWAYS use Status Shuffle! Every time they are online their status is from this page. Can you not come up with an original, creative thought all on your own? Is it physically impossible for you to exercise your very own humor and wit? The point of the Status is to let the world know what your doing, thinking, saying. The world wants to keep updated on you and your thoughts not the stolen thoughts of others. Hey, if you need help I'm here for you buddy! I can come up with some Cracker Jack stuff, lmao! Is that the best you got?? I don't think so, work harder!
Back to being me. My Son's Brian and Ian are endless sources of amusement on so many different levels. They are exact polar opposites. B is exactly like me and Ian is not. Ian is his own little personality and I'm not exactly sure where it came from lol. I do know for a fact that eventually Ian is going to despise me and B with all his little heart. We wouldn't be so hard on him if he didn't make it so easy! For one reason or another B had to explain the difference between our dysfunctional dynamic and what he called a "Real Family", Ian sat and listened to this, he looks at me, looks at B, looks back at me and says "I want a real family". B and I burst out laughing and Ian smiles, shakes his head and says "Nah, that's just boring!" Feels pretty fine knowing my offspring have an appreciation for my unorthodox life. Ian frequently says some off the wall shit that just makes me look at him and really wonder if he's mine though. I'm prepping a steak for dinner. Ian: Is that chicken? Me: No Ian: It looks like chicken. Me: It's not. I look at the steak and then stare at Ian. Ian: It could be chicken. Me: Except that it's Beef! Ian: The Beef could be chicken if it really wanted to be. And Ian walks away! WTF? I stare at the Beef and find myself wondering if it could be chicken if it really wanted to be?
Brian is a whole different story. I honestly do feel bad for him sometimes because he is so much like me. B, as he is called doesn't look at the world through a kids eyes and he never has. He has a quick intelligence and wit that sets him apart. He also has my impatience for stupidity and lack of common sense. It drives him nuts! And I laugh my ass off when someone says something to him that makes no sense and I see the conflict behind his eyes, "Punch him in the mouth to prevent the stupid shit from falling out or walk away and pretend I didn't hear it?" Frequently he will laugh in these situations and people take that as oh he thought I was funny but it's really him thinking your a fucking moron! It's hard for me at 35, to control my thoughts and energy sometimes so I know his struggle is twice as hard, I remember how tough it was on me at that age. But last night he was telling me his thoughts on some of the stuff that goes on around him living at his dads house. I was crying I was laughing so hard!! The look on his face when he was talking about some of the shit his 2 year old brother does. B has no tolerance for little kids, he never has. He does ok for a very short period of time but then he's just wondering why this little person doesn't just grow up? He was telling me a story about how this kid ducks behind this desk and covers his eyes to become invisible and B is like "Mom I'm too big I can't get him back there and then he will just bolt out yelling and laughing and I'm sitting there going WTF is wrong with this kid!?!" I was cracking up because B is dumbfounded by this kid! He obviously doesn't remember Ian being that little.
Crazy ass stalker neighbors. This new dude moved into our apartment complex. Joe (my neighbor) meets this dude and tells me I gotta meet him he's a wicked cool dude. I meet this guy Don and immediately dislike him. In fact we went to school with this guy! I didn't like him then and I don't like him now. I told Joe to keep him away from me. Well Don has taken it upon himself to be Joe's new best friend and is text stalking him! Don keeps sending messages like "Can I make you breakfast, Can I come over, Are you mad at me, I can see into your apartment at night" Creepy shit like that!!! Poor Joe is freaking out and constantly trying to use me as an excuse to escape this guys clutches. Having had this happen to me in the past, I'm enjoying the hell out of watching this!!
Too funny for words friends.
I'm going to laugh when Death finally comes for me and He looks like Grim from The Grim adventures of Billy and Mandy!
Till next time,
THE AWESOME ADVENTURES OF BEX!!!
These may come out of order so be aware of that. I'll start small. Perry freakin' Mason! For some reason one of the premium movie channels I have on Fio's shows old Perry Mason movies starting at like 5am. Lately the insomnia has been killing me, so I've been up till about 6. Old Perry runs around with the help of his assistant solving all these wild little crime mysteries and then the criminals are like "aww shucks Perry Mason busted me, damn he's good!". I want to know how come the criminal element isn't going "Hey this Perry guy keeps catching us, $10,000 to the first person to shank this fat motherfucker!!" Seriously, how did this guy not get killed? I realize it's television and all fictional and stuff but come on a little reality would be nice, at least let him get taken hostage and have to like gnaw through the ropes to get away or have him get sliced and end up with a bad ass scar across his big melon! Those movies suck and I can't figure out why, with all the movies out there they are showing Perry fucking Mason!!
Being me is always a laugh, even when it's not. Yesterday was one of those awesome days when my Muse was working in short, witty bursts. Here are a few of my gems from yesterday, please feel free to steal a few but at least treat them like quotes and give me proper credit because it takes a lot of work to be this funny! " Ever look at one of your ex's and think WOW was I drunk through that whole relationship? If that's love I'd rather drink battery acid! Ever listen to something your kid says and wonder if he was switched at birth? How did you manage to escape Darwins Theory? Your intelligence called, it wants you to know that your not worth the effort it's leaving you. Sorry buddy! Some people aren't even worth the energy of using the brain cells damaged by alcohol! I feel my brain cells jumping to their death every time you breathe, damn oxygen thief!".
I make me laugh sometimes but this segues into my next topic very nicely.
Status Shuffle or How I can steal someone else's humor. Now don't get me wrong, I will use a quote from someone because it's funny or poignant. I will repost a status for the same reasons. And sometimes the shit you find on Status Shuffle is hilarious!!! I'm not arguing that. What cracks me up to no end are the people that ALWAYS use Status Shuffle! Every time they are online their status is from this page. Can you not come up with an original, creative thought all on your own? Is it physically impossible for you to exercise your very own humor and wit? The point of the Status is to let the world know what your doing, thinking, saying. The world wants to keep updated on you and your thoughts not the stolen thoughts of others. Hey, if you need help I'm here for you buddy! I can come up with some Cracker Jack stuff, lmao! Is that the best you got?? I don't think so, work harder!
Back to being me. My Son's Brian and Ian are endless sources of amusement on so many different levels. They are exact polar opposites. B is exactly like me and Ian is not. Ian is his own little personality and I'm not exactly sure where it came from lol. I do know for a fact that eventually Ian is going to despise me and B with all his little heart. We wouldn't be so hard on him if he didn't make it so easy! For one reason or another B had to explain the difference between our dysfunctional dynamic and what he called a "Real Family", Ian sat and listened to this, he looks at me, looks at B, looks back at me and says "I want a real family". B and I burst out laughing and Ian smiles, shakes his head and says "Nah, that's just boring!" Feels pretty fine knowing my offspring have an appreciation for my unorthodox life. Ian frequently says some off the wall shit that just makes me look at him and really wonder if he's mine though. I'm prepping a steak for dinner. Ian: Is that chicken? Me: No Ian: It looks like chicken. Me: It's not. I look at the steak and then stare at Ian. Ian: It could be chicken. Me: Except that it's Beef! Ian: The Beef could be chicken if it really wanted to be. And Ian walks away! WTF? I stare at the Beef and find myself wondering if it could be chicken if it really wanted to be?
Brian is a whole different story. I honestly do feel bad for him sometimes because he is so much like me. B, as he is called doesn't look at the world through a kids eyes and he never has. He has a quick intelligence and wit that sets him apart. He also has my impatience for stupidity and lack of common sense. It drives him nuts! And I laugh my ass off when someone says something to him that makes no sense and I see the conflict behind his eyes, "Punch him in the mouth to prevent the stupid shit from falling out or walk away and pretend I didn't hear it?" Frequently he will laugh in these situations and people take that as oh he thought I was funny but it's really him thinking your a fucking moron! It's hard for me at 35, to control my thoughts and energy sometimes so I know his struggle is twice as hard, I remember how tough it was on me at that age. But last night he was telling me his thoughts on some of the stuff that goes on around him living at his dads house. I was crying I was laughing so hard!! The look on his face when he was talking about some of the shit his 2 year old brother does. B has no tolerance for little kids, he never has. He does ok for a very short period of time but then he's just wondering why this little person doesn't just grow up? He was telling me a story about how this kid ducks behind this desk and covers his eyes to become invisible and B is like "Mom I'm too big I can't get him back there and then he will just bolt out yelling and laughing and I'm sitting there going WTF is wrong with this kid!?!" I was cracking up because B is dumbfounded by this kid! He obviously doesn't remember Ian being that little.
Crazy ass stalker neighbors. This new dude moved into our apartment complex. Joe (my neighbor) meets this dude and tells me I gotta meet him he's a wicked cool dude. I meet this guy Don and immediately dislike him. In fact we went to school with this guy! I didn't like him then and I don't like him now. I told Joe to keep him away from me. Well Don has taken it upon himself to be Joe's new best friend and is text stalking him! Don keeps sending messages like "Can I make you breakfast, Can I come over, Are you mad at me, I can see into your apartment at night" Creepy shit like that!!! Poor Joe is freaking out and constantly trying to use me as an excuse to escape this guys clutches. Having had this happen to me in the past, I'm enjoying the hell out of watching this!!
Too funny for words friends.
I'm going to laugh when Death finally comes for me and He looks like Grim from The Grim adventures of Billy and Mandy!
Till next time,
THE AWESOME ADVENTURES OF BEX!!!
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Quote from Twitter
RT@BlackRavenWings: 'Great minds discuss ideas,average minds discuss events,SMALL minds discuss people.'
That simple sentence carries a lot of weight doesn't it? Which are you, I wonder?
That simple sentence carries a lot of weight doesn't it? Which are you, I wonder?
Lessons, Smiles, and my party :)
This has been an interesting week to say the least. There are a few things that have specifically caught my attention that have given me the giggles. And there have been incidents that have helped put everything back in to perspective for me. I think I lost sight of my Universe for a minute but I got it back now. Friend Rich said he had read part of my blog and asked me why I was so negative. That kinda stopped me in my tracks and made me think. And right after he asked me that, this silly little girl started drama with me and has been pursuing that course rather avidly. Well faithful readers, I am a quick tempered person and I tend to go after people like this with a fury that makes Hell blush. I also sat and watched some silly broad do one of my Brothers dirty as could be. Here's my lesson learned: Karma is a bitch. It'll come back to both without my help. Okay I'm not that nice, I will be there when it all comes down sipping my drink laughing and pointing!
I feel very hopeful, once again very comfortable in being me. The past is behind me, the present is as much fun as I want it to be and the future is undetermined. Why don't you all come with me on this journey, it'll be an adventure!! We will try to catch fairies under mushrooms in the moonlight, search for a Unicorn, blow bubbles and dance under the stars together! I will cover you in a cloak of clouds and we will hunt our dreams together. The beauty of forever is but a step away and the willingness to accept that the unbelievable is sometimes easier than breathing. I'm glad that I've found me again, I kinda missed me.
I made the promise to myself this week that i would not let others drag me down again. I'm not by nature a negative person. A little cynical sometimes, but not inherently negative by any means. Yes I am an attention junkie, HELLO, PINK HAIR!?! But never at another's expense and never one of my brother's. Some people speak without paying attention to what is falling out of their mouths. Ironically the one condemning me is also trying very hard to BE me, even down to picking up my Ex. Well I say, You go Girl!! Damn right you want to be just like me when you grow up, I'm Punk Rock Spectacular!!! You have my endorsement baby girl! I will tell you, the catty negative shit has to go though because I've never been like that and it clashes with my inherently free spirited attitude. So my advice is to stalk me a bit harder and put some honest effort in to this little mission of yours, go forth with my blessing young grasshopper!!!
My Halloween Party is coming up fiendish readers. Please if your only able to stop by for a bit that is absolutely cool. But make the honest effort to stop by as I will enjoy seeing you as will many other guests. There will be new friends, old friends, probably people we don't even know. LMAO, guaranteed good times, smiles, laughs, memories to be made or I will throw you off my balcony! Just kidding....Or am I???? Check out the event on Facebook and RSVP, it's an open invitation to all that wish to attend and bask in the warmth and light that is the center of the Universe or Bex as I like to be called.
Okay time for a beer faithful readers, But before I leave one more thing. Please remember that life is too short and you don't know what is around the bend so laugh as hard as you can, be as silly as possible. Fall in love and don't fall out. If this were your last day would that person know how you feel, would you be remembered in a good light, would you be remembered at all? Make your mark on this world.
Love,
Bex!!!
I feel very hopeful, once again very comfortable in being me. The past is behind me, the present is as much fun as I want it to be and the future is undetermined. Why don't you all come with me on this journey, it'll be an adventure!! We will try to catch fairies under mushrooms in the moonlight, search for a Unicorn, blow bubbles and dance under the stars together! I will cover you in a cloak of clouds and we will hunt our dreams together. The beauty of forever is but a step away and the willingness to accept that the unbelievable is sometimes easier than breathing. I'm glad that I've found me again, I kinda missed me.
I made the promise to myself this week that i would not let others drag me down again. I'm not by nature a negative person. A little cynical sometimes, but not inherently negative by any means. Yes I am an attention junkie, HELLO, PINK HAIR!?! But never at another's expense and never one of my brother's. Some people speak without paying attention to what is falling out of their mouths. Ironically the one condemning me is also trying very hard to BE me, even down to picking up my Ex. Well I say, You go Girl!! Damn right you want to be just like me when you grow up, I'm Punk Rock Spectacular!!! You have my endorsement baby girl! I will tell you, the catty negative shit has to go though because I've never been like that and it clashes with my inherently free spirited attitude. So my advice is to stalk me a bit harder and put some honest effort in to this little mission of yours, go forth with my blessing young grasshopper!!!
My Halloween Party is coming up fiendish readers. Please if your only able to stop by for a bit that is absolutely cool. But make the honest effort to stop by as I will enjoy seeing you as will many other guests. There will be new friends, old friends, probably people we don't even know. LMAO, guaranteed good times, smiles, laughs, memories to be made or I will throw you off my balcony! Just kidding....Or am I???? Check out the event on Facebook and RSVP, it's an open invitation to all that wish to attend and bask in the warmth and light that is the center of the Universe or Bex as I like to be called.
Okay time for a beer faithful readers, But before I leave one more thing. Please remember that life is too short and you don't know what is around the bend so laugh as hard as you can, be as silly as possible. Fall in love and don't fall out. If this were your last day would that person know how you feel, would you be remembered in a good light, would you be remembered at all? Make your mark on this world.
Love,
Bex!!!
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
With forever, there are unlimited possibilities
Today started with feeling sorry for myself. And then....
I started thinking. I started thinking a lot and I put on a movie for background noise. I put in Fight Club. Now that really got me thinking.
Yes the past few weeks have been emotionally turbulent but do you know what this is? It's a lesson as with all things of great difficulty in life. I've learned from it and now I'm discarding it. It's called the past because it's past you.
I'm ready for an adventure. I just narrowly escaped a fate that isn't mine. I had a near life experience and now I want adventures. I want to step outside and breathe the Autumn air and know that with forever ahead of me there are endless possibilities. I'm Becky and I can do whatever my little heart desires! I almost forgot how much fun it is to be me. You all should've slapped me! I am going out for drinks tonight with friends and this weekend if all goes as I hope, I'll chill with a buddy I haven't seen in a while and go catch one of my favorite bands. And if those plans fall through, I will go find something else because when your me it's always easy to find fun.
This is the first day of the rest of my forever and I'm a Punk Star,
Till next time,
BEX!
I started thinking. I started thinking a lot and I put on a movie for background noise. I put in Fight Club. Now that really got me thinking.
Yes the past few weeks have been emotionally turbulent but do you know what this is? It's a lesson as with all things of great difficulty in life. I've learned from it and now I'm discarding it. It's called the past because it's past you.
I'm ready for an adventure. I just narrowly escaped a fate that isn't mine. I had a near life experience and now I want adventures. I want to step outside and breathe the Autumn air and know that with forever ahead of me there are endless possibilities. I'm Becky and I can do whatever my little heart desires! I almost forgot how much fun it is to be me. You all should've slapped me! I am going out for drinks tonight with friends and this weekend if all goes as I hope, I'll chill with a buddy I haven't seen in a while and go catch one of my favorite bands. And if those plans fall through, I will go find something else because when your me it's always easy to find fun.
This is the first day of the rest of my forever and I'm a Punk Star,
Till next time,
BEX!
Good days and Bad days
I realize that this is just a difficult situation. A lot of you may not understand why I'm so down about this breakup and why I keep talking about it. I keep talking about it because it helps get all of the feelings out of my head and try to make sense of it all. This is the first time in a decade that I completely 100% let myself go and fall in love.
A friend told me that I would "have Good days and Bad days" getting through this and "It will take time to heal". But that wasn't entirely true. I'm not having Good days and Bad days, I'm having Good minutes and Bad all the rest of the time. Time to heal? I'm having a hard enough time trying to figure out how to get through the damn time. Yesterday I sank myself into tearing my bedroom and closet apart to reorganize. I did all the laundry, completely cleansed my room and my bathroom, reorganized my closet completely from top to bottom, re did the hall closet, completely deleted all of my old messages from my facebook inbox and all the pictures off my phone and computer. But in the process of this great purge I kept coming across things that belonged to Frank. I handled it okay yesterday, but today I'm not doing so hot. Today is just going to be an absolute waste because my feelings are in a tragic heart breaking mess.
A lot of the hurt comes from feeling betrayed and lied to. I feel like all the pretty fluff about "I want to grow old with you" "I love you" "You were meant to be with me" etc, all of that was a lie. It was a betrayal of my trust because it turned out to be not true and he knew that this was a HUGE step for me. He knew this and still hurt me. How could you not know that those actions would end our relationship? There's only so much that 1 person can take! But the absolute worst part of all this mess came as the conversation between us was ending. Because as I was finishing explaining why this was tearing me apart, he brought her up in the conversation again! Dude, really?? This is why I was walking away! I had to leave the room because I was a half step from breaking into total tears. And all he could say was "I'm sorry that I let her ruin our relationship." But if he was sorry wouldn't he have stopped me? Wouldn't he have put forth the effort to fix the problem? After all the promises of forever, all the promises of true love, wouldn't you have stopped your true love from walking out of your life forever? This is why I feel betrayed. Because I've fought against my own nature, my own insecurities, my own fears, I've put myself in positions that I'm not entirely comfortable with. I've done all of this because for one shiny moment in my life it, no he, was worth the risk. I saw what was inside and he was worth turning my whole world inside out. I took all that on because I didn't just see Happily Ever After, I saw Happily Ever After with Frank. I saw the potential for a truly happy wonderful life with him. I feel betrayed because evidently I was the only one that saw this. I would've turned the universe upside down for him and he wouldn't even ask me to stay. In these moments The part of me that believes in fairy tales can imagine him at my door asking for the chance to fix this because we are meant to be together, forever. Like Prince Charming coming to kiss Beauty awake. But then my brain kicks in and I realize that as much as I want that little story to play out, this is the real world and fairy tales do not exist. I was content in my loneliness until he promised me real love and now that my eyes were opened to this I can't shut them again and go back to sleeping. It would be so much easier if I could just let this go but I can't. I was a strong, independent person that could handle anything that life threw at me and now that is gone, all of my beliefs and dreams are gone. My self assurance has been toppled and now I don't know what to believe in. My self confidence is gone because I chose this path, I chose to let myself go and that was a bad choice. How can I trust me again? If I believed in Frank and everything he said and that was wrong, how do I believe in anything anymore?
"Time heals all wounds" No it doesn't, It gives you scars that are constant reminders.
Till next time,
Becky
A friend told me that I would "have Good days and Bad days" getting through this and "It will take time to heal". But that wasn't entirely true. I'm not having Good days and Bad days, I'm having Good minutes and Bad all the rest of the time. Time to heal? I'm having a hard enough time trying to figure out how to get through the damn time. Yesterday I sank myself into tearing my bedroom and closet apart to reorganize. I did all the laundry, completely cleansed my room and my bathroom, reorganized my closet completely from top to bottom, re did the hall closet, completely deleted all of my old messages from my facebook inbox and all the pictures off my phone and computer. But in the process of this great purge I kept coming across things that belonged to Frank. I handled it okay yesterday, but today I'm not doing so hot. Today is just going to be an absolute waste because my feelings are in a tragic heart breaking mess.
A lot of the hurt comes from feeling betrayed and lied to. I feel like all the pretty fluff about "I want to grow old with you" "I love you" "You were meant to be with me" etc, all of that was a lie. It was a betrayal of my trust because it turned out to be not true and he knew that this was a HUGE step for me. He knew this and still hurt me. How could you not know that those actions would end our relationship? There's only so much that 1 person can take! But the absolute worst part of all this mess came as the conversation between us was ending. Because as I was finishing explaining why this was tearing me apart, he brought her up in the conversation again! Dude, really?? This is why I was walking away! I had to leave the room because I was a half step from breaking into total tears. And all he could say was "I'm sorry that I let her ruin our relationship." But if he was sorry wouldn't he have stopped me? Wouldn't he have put forth the effort to fix the problem? After all the promises of forever, all the promises of true love, wouldn't you have stopped your true love from walking out of your life forever? This is why I feel betrayed. Because I've fought against my own nature, my own insecurities, my own fears, I've put myself in positions that I'm not entirely comfortable with. I've done all of this because for one shiny moment in my life it, no he, was worth the risk. I saw what was inside and he was worth turning my whole world inside out. I took all that on because I didn't just see Happily Ever After, I saw Happily Ever After with Frank. I saw the potential for a truly happy wonderful life with him. I feel betrayed because evidently I was the only one that saw this. I would've turned the universe upside down for him and he wouldn't even ask me to stay. In these moments The part of me that believes in fairy tales can imagine him at my door asking for the chance to fix this because we are meant to be together, forever. Like Prince Charming coming to kiss Beauty awake. But then my brain kicks in and I realize that as much as I want that little story to play out, this is the real world and fairy tales do not exist. I was content in my loneliness until he promised me real love and now that my eyes were opened to this I can't shut them again and go back to sleeping. It would be so much easier if I could just let this go but I can't. I was a strong, independent person that could handle anything that life threw at me and now that is gone, all of my beliefs and dreams are gone. My self assurance has been toppled and now I don't know what to believe in. My self confidence is gone because I chose this path, I chose to let myself go and that was a bad choice. How can I trust me again? If I believed in Frank and everything he said and that was wrong, how do I believe in anything anymore?
"Time heals all wounds" No it doesn't, It gives you scars that are constant reminders.
Till next time,
Becky
Monday, October 18, 2010
Winners and making losers
Someone told me that they've done nothing but lose over the past few years and that they are tired of losing.
That got me thinking and I've been contemplating it in the back of my mind for a bit now. What makes up the difference between winners and losers in this life? Are they born into it? Are some people just predestined to be either a Winner or a Loser? No I don't believe that. Losers aren't born they create themselves. And before I explain my theory on this, let me say that I have no respect or liking for this group of people.
See, Losers are the people that are always whining that they can't do something because of someone else. They pass the blame on to other people when in actuality it's they're own inability to act that holds them back. No one stopped you from acting except yourself. So you failed at something, a Loser will just give up. And usually use all their energy making excuses as to why they failed. Pathetic.
Winners. I love the Winners. Winners are those people that take the chances, they see what they want and they take it. Winners MAKE things happen instead of waiting for them to maybe happen like the Losers do. Winners take the future by the balls and they own it. If a Winner fails then they just keep trying till they WIN!
Winners and Losers are created by personality. If your weak minded then you'll always be a Loser. You will always be afraid to take what you want and you will be unhappy forever. If your strong minded you will always be a Winner, you will be happy because you create your own happiness and never accept less.
I'm a pretty simple person. I pride myself on keeping everything in perspective. I do not accept less than everything and I never will. There are times in my world when my friend Murphy pops up and uses me like a chew toy but I pick myself up and start again. I was asked recently "How do you do that, how do you let it go?" I've thought about my answer very carefully over the past 24 hours. I let it go because if I don't it will ruin my life and rob me of my relationships, it will rob me of my love, my happiness, and my peace of mind. Despite many road blocks and obstacles I let it go and I try again and again. Because I am a Winner. I believe in myself and therefor I can accomplish anything! It's too bad that some people won't rise to their potential and do the same, but I will. I will prevail and conquer. Because that is what I do.
Till next time,
Bex
That got me thinking and I've been contemplating it in the back of my mind for a bit now. What makes up the difference between winners and losers in this life? Are they born into it? Are some people just predestined to be either a Winner or a Loser? No I don't believe that. Losers aren't born they create themselves. And before I explain my theory on this, let me say that I have no respect or liking for this group of people.
See, Losers are the people that are always whining that they can't do something because of someone else. They pass the blame on to other people when in actuality it's they're own inability to act that holds them back. No one stopped you from acting except yourself. So you failed at something, a Loser will just give up. And usually use all their energy making excuses as to why they failed. Pathetic.
Winners. I love the Winners. Winners are those people that take the chances, they see what they want and they take it. Winners MAKE things happen instead of waiting for them to maybe happen like the Losers do. Winners take the future by the balls and they own it. If a Winner fails then they just keep trying till they WIN!
Winners and Losers are created by personality. If your weak minded then you'll always be a Loser. You will always be afraid to take what you want and you will be unhappy forever. If your strong minded you will always be a Winner, you will be happy because you create your own happiness and never accept less.
I'm a pretty simple person. I pride myself on keeping everything in perspective. I do not accept less than everything and I never will. There are times in my world when my friend Murphy pops up and uses me like a chew toy but I pick myself up and start again. I was asked recently "How do you do that, how do you let it go?" I've thought about my answer very carefully over the past 24 hours. I let it go because if I don't it will ruin my life and rob me of my relationships, it will rob me of my love, my happiness, and my peace of mind. Despite many road blocks and obstacles I let it go and I try again and again. Because I am a Winner. I believe in myself and therefor I can accomplish anything! It's too bad that some people won't rise to their potential and do the same, but I will. I will prevail and conquer. Because that is what I do.
Till next time,
Bex
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Irony, Murphy and their best friend Karma
Yep fine I've been a complete douche in my life and now I'm getting back what I deserve three fold. Thank you to my best friend Murphy who is never afraid to set me on track again just to knock me off again. I accept my Karmic debt without blinking, usually. Murphy and his sister Karma are usually my closest BFF's, so I accept what they throw at me. Karma I have generally earned so I take her with a smile, Murphy just likes to see how far I can be pushed before I go over the edge. Okay, I can generally deal with that without completely losing it. However, both at once tend to make me a wee bit self destructive.
There are a few times when Murphy, Karma and their best friend Irony all team up on me at once. Faithful Readers, these times are a little hard to get through.
On top of all the massive bullshit being laid at my feet, we get one more hit. It would seem that one of my best friend's is going to be the best man in a wedding this coming weekend. Normally a cool gig. But I'm feeling a little bitter. The complete psychopath that broke my nose (I beat him half to death with a baseball bat after) and gave my son his last name while I was too doped on Morphine to do anything or tell you my name at that point. The same freak of fucking nature that pops back into my life every time it's going well, that same lecherous, life sucking, lying, double dealing, sack of shit, is getting married this sunday??
My happy ending gets sucked out into the Universe and this soulless monkey fucker gets his happy day?? You have got to be fucking kidding me, right? Seriously?? Un-freakin-believable!!
A Very Pissy,
BEX!!!!
There are a few times when Murphy, Karma and their best friend Irony all team up on me at once. Faithful Readers, these times are a little hard to get through.
On top of all the massive bullshit being laid at my feet, we get one more hit. It would seem that one of my best friend's is going to be the best man in a wedding this coming weekend. Normally a cool gig. But I'm feeling a little bitter. The complete psychopath that broke my nose (I beat him half to death with a baseball bat after) and gave my son his last name while I was too doped on Morphine to do anything or tell you my name at that point. The same freak of fucking nature that pops back into my life every time it's going well, that same lecherous, life sucking, lying, double dealing, sack of shit, is getting married this sunday??
My happy ending gets sucked out into the Universe and this soulless monkey fucker gets his happy day?? You have got to be fucking kidding me, right? Seriously?? Un-freakin-believable!!
A Very Pissy,
BEX!!!!
I'm done, I'm hurt and I'm done
Ya know that I'm an inherently selfish person, utterly, completely self serving and self absorbed. I tried a different route recently. And I tried whole heartedly, I really did. But it ate my entire soul alive! I have a Bachelors degree in Psychology and I was reminded every fucking day more than once a day why I do not use that degree. I can't take listening to other peoples problems and I can't fucking stand listening to their past. It's called the past because it lies behind you, reliving it every day isn't healthy to begin with. However, when you forfeit a future because your not done reliving the past, well that's just wrong. When you watch the woman you said that you want to grow old with walk out the door because you spend too much time talking about your past and not any time talking about your future with her and you sit there and do nothing?? I have my fucking mother that just moved in for god knows how long, an issue with my apartment, 16 million issues with my truck, my best friend cancelled his trip to see me, I've got one friend being passively aggresively pissed off at me cuz I'm not around 24/7, my stepmother wants to forbid me from my father, and I get to listen to a play by play instant replay of the past 20 years of someone's love life that didn't include me down to every minute detail. EVERY DAY MORE THAN ONE TIME A DAY!! That's it! I can not take any more! Someone, anyone please just hold my head while I cry?? Please just hold my head and lie to me?? Just tell me it will be okay??
I don't want apologies for letting someone else from your past destroy us, I have to know that no matter what your past is that your present and future are ME AND YOU! Too many fucking ghosts of girlfriends/ ex wives past, fuck me I should've fucking charged by the hour for my clinical time! At least then I'd be broken hearted and able to shop to my broken hearts content.
I keep telling myself I'm pissed off. I am pissed off. Pissed because I asked everyone to leave me be for 24 and then I got bombed by 5 people. Come on give me a fucking minute to regroup here. But that's just the outer part of me getting pissed at the distraction. My feelings are pretty fucking destroyed at this point. Yeah, it was self inflicted this time. I broke it off, I left, I walked away. Hell I didn't even tell you guys I was giving a second try at this! Okay let's see if I can form my feelings into a coherent thought stream because right now I'm all over the place. It was a rather calm discussion that led up to all of this. But there were things said that stung like a mother fucker, I'd rather be fucking shot! Ya know what I don't even think pouring all this out in a blog is going to help so I'm not going to bother. And as much as I want him to show up at my door when I obviously need him or the phone to ring with him just saying yes I'm sorry I love you and you are my forever, I was wrong. I don't expect these things.
Today will be the past as soon as I lay my head down and I sleep. Tomorrow is the future until I'm in it. "Today was the loneliest day of my life, It's a day that I can't stand, such a lonely day shouldn't exist it's a day that I'll never miss, such a lonely day and it's mine.."
I will not do this again. I did this a decade ago and it's taken me this long to get over it and try again. But I swear I will not do it again. Lol, hell I almost look forward to the crying and pain it's gotta be better than the love that destroyed me. Pain is just a reminder that your still alive. Time to pull up the bootstraps, suck it up and prepare to move out. I will tuck this away in the secret place of my mind along with the other regrets we speak not of and no one will ever hear of it because I will keep it in that place where all of my soul damaging hurts go that no one knows about because I'm so "strong and independant". I will let this pain turn to hatred pure hatred because I can handle that and use it and no one will know the difference, it will be just another "Becky self inflicted explosion" the true Becky vets will endure and the newbies will either survive or not. Because honestly at this point I don't want anyone around me and I could give a fuck less who's left standing because evidently I bare a lot in common with a plague victim. Okay enough. I'm going to have my time and tomorrow is another day as Scarlett O'Hara once said. For all those in my past that I've made feel this way, feel good that Karma got me this time.
Becky
I don't want apologies for letting someone else from your past destroy us, I have to know that no matter what your past is that your present and future are ME AND YOU! Too many fucking ghosts of girlfriends/ ex wives past, fuck me I should've fucking charged by the hour for my clinical time! At least then I'd be broken hearted and able to shop to my broken hearts content.
I keep telling myself I'm pissed off. I am pissed off. Pissed because I asked everyone to leave me be for 24 and then I got bombed by 5 people. Come on give me a fucking minute to regroup here. But that's just the outer part of me getting pissed at the distraction. My feelings are pretty fucking destroyed at this point. Yeah, it was self inflicted this time. I broke it off, I left, I walked away. Hell I didn't even tell you guys I was giving a second try at this! Okay let's see if I can form my feelings into a coherent thought stream because right now I'm all over the place. It was a rather calm discussion that led up to all of this. But there were things said that stung like a mother fucker, I'd rather be fucking shot! Ya know what I don't even think pouring all this out in a blog is going to help so I'm not going to bother. And as much as I want him to show up at my door when I obviously need him or the phone to ring with him just saying yes I'm sorry I love you and you are my forever, I was wrong. I don't expect these things.
Today will be the past as soon as I lay my head down and I sleep. Tomorrow is the future until I'm in it. "Today was the loneliest day of my life, It's a day that I can't stand, such a lonely day shouldn't exist it's a day that I'll never miss, such a lonely day and it's mine.."
I will not do this again. I did this a decade ago and it's taken me this long to get over it and try again. But I swear I will not do it again. Lol, hell I almost look forward to the crying and pain it's gotta be better than the love that destroyed me. Pain is just a reminder that your still alive. Time to pull up the bootstraps, suck it up and prepare to move out. I will tuck this away in the secret place of my mind along with the other regrets we speak not of and no one will ever hear of it because I will keep it in that place where all of my soul damaging hurts go that no one knows about because I'm so "strong and independant". I will let this pain turn to hatred pure hatred because I can handle that and use it and no one will know the difference, it will be just another "Becky self inflicted explosion" the true Becky vets will endure and the newbies will either survive or not. Because honestly at this point I don't want anyone around me and I could give a fuck less who's left standing because evidently I bare a lot in common with a plague victim. Okay enough. I'm going to have my time and tomorrow is another day as Scarlett O'Hara once said. For all those in my past that I've made feel this way, feel good that Karma got me this time.
Becky
It's Complicated and other sayings to escape talking
I often have wondered if some people don't use the phrase "It's Complicated" as some sort of get out of jail free card. Think about it, if someone asks you to explain how come your significant other isn't around you just answer "It's complicated" and no further excuse or explanation is required. If you ask your significant other to explain the boundaries of your relationship, "It's complicated" will usually buy them enough time to escape that conversation by putting something shiny in front of your face!
In fact, "It's complicated" can pretty much get you out of any conversational situation except maybe the police in which case you use the "terrible, explosive diarreah" excuse along with accompanying suitable facial expressions. Do not doubt me, it works. Anyhow, give it a try! Come up with some questions in your head that you just don't want to answer or a fight you know you can't win. Yep "It's complicated" works!
In fact there are quite a few phrases that can buy you some time to make your escape. But you have to have your timing right. Significant other asks a complicated question, answer this way: Baby I love you why are you asking me to explain something as all encompassing as my love for you? Or go this way: Isn't my heart and all my love enough for you (look appropriately sad)? It'll make them back pedal so fast that you can make a clean get away!! "Your making my heart hurt" also works pretty outstanding in making him/her stop whatever flow of conversation your trying to interrupt.
Buddies ask you to go out on friday night and you don't want to go because your tired of being the wingman and taking one for the team, no worries! "Dude can't got something going on with Mom, ya know how that is." As soon as they hear "mom" all guys relate and back down. Then your free to go to another pub that night and use someone else as the wingman, lol! If by chance ya get caught throw out there "that at last minute Mom's club (sewing, bridge, church, etc.) called an emergency get together" and your free. This also works if your boss wants you to stay late also by the way. If you don't have kids use Mom, never fails.
There are other phrases that of course you will want to avoid at any cost in your life. Especially with a partner! Never say "No that's not how it is" when explaining yourself to a significant other! That's how you get to a full blown argument in 1 step or less! "No, your wrong" will do the same thing. "I'm not ready for that kind of commitment" will lead to very raw feelings and a quick break up but when replaced with my handy dandy "Isn't my heart and all my love enough for you (look appropriately sad)?" yep next thing ya know your making out and the scary conversation is over. Oh and please avoid my usual screw up! When someone says I love you, thank you is evidently not an appropriate response, or so I've been told countless times! Don't ever start a conversation with"We need to talk" either. It puts the other person on the defensive and you will be wrong no matter what you say after it.
Well there is my short little spin on that! Use in good faith, friends.
Till next time,
Bex
In fact, "It's complicated" can pretty much get you out of any conversational situation except maybe the police in which case you use the "terrible, explosive diarreah" excuse along with accompanying suitable facial expressions. Do not doubt me, it works. Anyhow, give it a try! Come up with some questions in your head that you just don't want to answer or a fight you know you can't win. Yep "It's complicated" works!
In fact there are quite a few phrases that can buy you some time to make your escape. But you have to have your timing right. Significant other asks a complicated question, answer this way: Baby I love you why are you asking me to explain something as all encompassing as my love for you? Or go this way: Isn't my heart and all my love enough for you (look appropriately sad)? It'll make them back pedal so fast that you can make a clean get away!! "Your making my heart hurt" also works pretty outstanding in making him/her stop whatever flow of conversation your trying to interrupt.
Buddies ask you to go out on friday night and you don't want to go because your tired of being the wingman and taking one for the team, no worries! "Dude can't got something going on with Mom, ya know how that is." As soon as they hear "mom" all guys relate and back down. Then your free to go to another pub that night and use someone else as the wingman, lol! If by chance ya get caught throw out there "that at last minute Mom's club (sewing, bridge, church, etc.) called an emergency get together" and your free. This also works if your boss wants you to stay late also by the way. If you don't have kids use Mom, never fails.
There are other phrases that of course you will want to avoid at any cost in your life. Especially with a partner! Never say "No that's not how it is" when explaining yourself to a significant other! That's how you get to a full blown argument in 1 step or less! "No, your wrong" will do the same thing. "I'm not ready for that kind of commitment" will lead to very raw feelings and a quick break up but when replaced with my handy dandy "Isn't my heart and all my love enough for you (look appropriately sad)?" yep next thing ya know your making out and the scary conversation is over. Oh and please avoid my usual screw up! When someone says I love you, thank you is evidently not an appropriate response, or so I've been told countless times! Don't ever start a conversation with"We need to talk" either. It puts the other person on the defensive and you will be wrong no matter what you say after it.
Well there is my short little spin on that! Use in good faith, friends.
Till next time,
Bex
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Out of Destruction comes Creation
One of the most beautiful things throughout history is that in the wake of great destruction comes great creation. With every war and natural disaster the aftermath is always a great reformation. Every thing becomes more advanced in these periods, engineering, technology and even cultural cooperation even artists seem to find their Muse in these periods of rebuilding. Some of the most amazing works in Art, Music and Literature happen during these transitions. Humanity really is at it's best when we are working together to build something new.
Now while we are keeping that in mind it really is no different for the individual as it is for a society. Bare with me for a moment while I explain this theory.
I'm going to use myself for the main example because it makes for an easier explanation, however I got to actually watch someone else go through this recently and it made for an interesting perspective change.
As in most people's lives there comes a time when it all just becomes too much to take for me. Everything just becomes too much to handle all at once, there's too much turmoil, too much emotion, too many things coming at me all at the same time. As we have all witnessed, Murphy seems to go on these month long trips of meddling in my life. Anything that can go wrong, will go terribly wrong. During these periods I try to laugh through it but eventually if it doesn't let up, I tend to just snap and explode in multiple directions. Generally hitting the people closest to me. For the hardcore "Becky Veterans" it's business as usual. For those not use to this behavior it can be slightly traumatic to watch me systematically destroy every aspect of my life from the inside out. And probably more traumatic is watching the emotional destruction I put myself through during these self destructive moments.
From these nuclear events comes a great rebuilding. After the dust has settled, I can take the time to investigate every aspect of what caused the meltdown and assess the damage. If history is not learned we are doomed to repeat it. Out of this comes the great rebuild of my character to prevent repeating the Chernobyl size calamity. I build on my strengths and learn to shore up my weaknesses. I do not waste my time with self loathing or regrets because this doesn't build a better me. Learning from my mistakes and moving on builds a better me.
It helps to understand the past and your mistakes so that you don't repeat them but it helps more to learn and move on. You can't see where all the mistakes were made but for the mistakes you can see clearly, take those lessons and move on. Let the rest of the past that isn't so clear, go. Let it slide out of your current life or it will cloud your future. Out of self destruction comes the ability for a new beginning, don't waste that chance by living in the past. A new beginning is a universe of possibilities and great hope, to forfeit that chance is a greater crime against yourself.
Till next time faithful readers,
BEX!
Now while we are keeping that in mind it really is no different for the individual as it is for a society. Bare with me for a moment while I explain this theory.
I'm going to use myself for the main example because it makes for an easier explanation, however I got to actually watch someone else go through this recently and it made for an interesting perspective change.
As in most people's lives there comes a time when it all just becomes too much to take for me. Everything just becomes too much to handle all at once, there's too much turmoil, too much emotion, too many things coming at me all at the same time. As we have all witnessed, Murphy seems to go on these month long trips of meddling in my life. Anything that can go wrong, will go terribly wrong. During these periods I try to laugh through it but eventually if it doesn't let up, I tend to just snap and explode in multiple directions. Generally hitting the people closest to me. For the hardcore "Becky Veterans" it's business as usual. For those not use to this behavior it can be slightly traumatic to watch me systematically destroy every aspect of my life from the inside out. And probably more traumatic is watching the emotional destruction I put myself through during these self destructive moments.
From these nuclear events comes a great rebuilding. After the dust has settled, I can take the time to investigate every aspect of what caused the meltdown and assess the damage. If history is not learned we are doomed to repeat it. Out of this comes the great rebuild of my character to prevent repeating the Chernobyl size calamity. I build on my strengths and learn to shore up my weaknesses. I do not waste my time with self loathing or regrets because this doesn't build a better me. Learning from my mistakes and moving on builds a better me.
It helps to understand the past and your mistakes so that you don't repeat them but it helps more to learn and move on. You can't see where all the mistakes were made but for the mistakes you can see clearly, take those lessons and move on. Let the rest of the past that isn't so clear, go. Let it slide out of your current life or it will cloud your future. Out of self destruction comes the ability for a new beginning, don't waste that chance by living in the past. A new beginning is a universe of possibilities and great hope, to forfeit that chance is a greater crime against yourself.
Till next time faithful readers,
BEX!
Sunday, October 10, 2010
My friends
Maybe it's because I've been sick and trapped on my couch with nothing to do but play in my own head. I've had a lot of time to think. And yes I did my fair share of feeling sorry for myself and wallowing in my own depressing self pity. And ok, ok, I'm still hurting, but something more important came out of it and I feel the need to have a girly squishy moment.
I've repeated it a hundred times but I'm going to do it again. I would be nothing without my friends. You guys are what gives me my strength, my honor, my self assurance. Through the years you have taught me to love, taught me loyalty, forgiveness (ok maybe not that one so much) You have loved me unconditionally, walked beside me even if I was wrong, you've been there to hold my hand through all of the tough lessons.
This past week you've sent me encouraging emails, distracted me with funny youtube videos, came to just chill and watch dumb movies, You have called me just to make sure I had someone to vent to, sent me funny text messages with x's and o's cuz you knew it would make me laugh. Today I will drink beer and watch football with Cam And cook with Joe. I will spend my day with my friends, laugh, love, have fun and be silly.
Someone pointed out to me that I put the word "My" in front of all my friends names and they asked why I do that. Very simply, they are mine. There is a part of each of my friends that belongs to me and me only. Just as I am "Garcia's Becky" and "Ryan's Becky" and "Dave's Becky" there is a part of me that belongs exclusively to each of my friends. So it is with them. They are My Garcia, My Ryan, My Dave, My Cam, My Joe etc.
I appreciate every little distraction each of you have sent my way. I appreciate every little word of encouragement and every little cyber hug. I do love each of you, my friends, very much. Sonya, each of your positive comments on this page makes me all warm and fuzzy! Sheryl, Bobbi and Krystle, your comments, emails and IM's of encouragement make me strong. Ryan, WKUK always makes me laugh my ass off. Dave, my troll always knows how to just let me vent to something breathing rather than my journal or blog and always has my back. My Cam, I always appreciate your readiness to come hang and drink with me even if I sound like a sick muppet! Garcia, Thank you for the calls and the x's and o's lmao! Even my son Brian came and spent the week with me!
If there are some that I forgot to name, I apologize but never believe for one second that you don't own a piece of my heart! Thank you for letting me be myself, loving me for it and expecting no less from me.
Till next time faithful readers,
Becky!
I've repeated it a hundred times but I'm going to do it again. I would be nothing without my friends. You guys are what gives me my strength, my honor, my self assurance. Through the years you have taught me to love, taught me loyalty, forgiveness (ok maybe not that one so much) You have loved me unconditionally, walked beside me even if I was wrong, you've been there to hold my hand through all of the tough lessons.
This past week you've sent me encouraging emails, distracted me with funny youtube videos, came to just chill and watch dumb movies, You have called me just to make sure I had someone to vent to, sent me funny text messages with x's and o's cuz you knew it would make me laugh. Today I will drink beer and watch football with Cam And cook with Joe. I will spend my day with my friends, laugh, love, have fun and be silly.
Someone pointed out to me that I put the word "My" in front of all my friends names and they asked why I do that. Very simply, they are mine. There is a part of each of my friends that belongs to me and me only. Just as I am "Garcia's Becky" and "Ryan's Becky" and "Dave's Becky" there is a part of me that belongs exclusively to each of my friends. So it is with them. They are My Garcia, My Ryan, My Dave, My Cam, My Joe etc.
I appreciate every little distraction each of you have sent my way. I appreciate every little word of encouragement and every little cyber hug. I do love each of you, my friends, very much. Sonya, each of your positive comments on this page makes me all warm and fuzzy! Sheryl, Bobbi and Krystle, your comments, emails and IM's of encouragement make me strong. Ryan, WKUK always makes me laugh my ass off. Dave, my troll always knows how to just let me vent to something breathing rather than my journal or blog and always has my back. My Cam, I always appreciate your readiness to come hang and drink with me even if I sound like a sick muppet! Garcia, Thank you for the calls and the x's and o's lmao! Even my son Brian came and spent the week with me!
If there are some that I forgot to name, I apologize but never believe for one second that you don't own a piece of my heart! Thank you for letting me be myself, loving me for it and expecting no less from me.
Till next time faithful readers,
Becky!
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Cold medicine, untapped fun or devil juice?
As your probably all well aware, I've been laid up with a nasty cold all week. I'm still pretty sick currently but I think we're on the mend. I'm a huge sissy when I'm sick, complete with tantrums and whining and complaining. Thankfully Mom has been here armed with OJ, tissues and soup. She bought me a cool box of tissues with guitars, music notes and stars on the box. So I've had "Rockstar" tissues through this shitty ass cold! When I started to get sick I bought a bottle of Tylenol Multi Symptom Cold Liquid with Cool Burst Flavor. Let me tell ya, faithful readers, that stuff is nectar from the Gods!! It tastes just like Rumpleminze and knocks you flat on your ass! You all of the sudden don't care if your sick just as long as there's more of that minty goodness in 4 hours! But when you run out of it you suddenly turn into a mint junkie, ready to kill anyone, jonesing and freaking out for more minty fun. So then you find yourself turning to Nyquil. Tastes like a little licorice elf crapped in your mouth. But as Ryan so succinctly put it "the night-time, sniffling, sneezing, wtf am I doing on the bathroom floor medicine" but there's a problem. See if you take more than the half a shot they recommend, suddenly it becomes an amphetamine! At 2 am your sick as hell but scrubbing the fuck out of your house and running around trying to find stuff to do because your eyes are the size of plates, your hands are shaking liking leaves and you gotta gogogogogogo! Yep not liking the Nyquil! Then my Mom came to the rescue with the bottle of Delsym cough liquid. Now Delsym is what my pediatrician recommended all through my childhood. And Dr. Mintz (ironic huh?) was right, it always worked for me. On to the Delsym boat I went. Well it worked pretty decent but it also robs you of the ability to form a half of an intelligent thought that is also coherent! Speaking English becomes impossible and every time you stand up the world tilts viciously! Generally when your sick these are really non-issues because you are sick and not having to deal with anyone. But of course we are talking about my life. In the middle of being knocked on my ass sick and drugged to Hades and back, I get to have in depth, emotionally chaotic, destructive conversations with the would be boyfriend. Did I mention that my head was spinning at the time? I had to call Dave just to translate the conversation for me because not one word made any sense to me at all! And then I got a case of the giggles because all of it suddenly became very absurd and amusing to me. The best way to explain is that all of the sudden my brain just went wwweeeeeeeeeeee and started spinning in circles till it fell down lmao!!
After all these experiences I have made the decision to go cold turkey today. No more cold medicine! While being that high can be fun theoretically, in my life there really isn't a good time for it. Also I have a constant battle with insomnia so a medicine that makes me that wired is really not needed.
Well till next time faithful readers....... wait, do you smell something minty??
BEX!
After all these experiences I have made the decision to go cold turkey today. No more cold medicine! While being that high can be fun theoretically, in my life there really isn't a good time for it. Also I have a constant battle with insomnia so a medicine that makes me that wired is really not needed.
Well till next time faithful readers....... wait, do you smell something minty??
BEX!
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Mindless tasks are not helping!!
So I just made a list of my top fave bands for my friend. The list consisted of like 60 bands and that is just my Top bands not all the bands I listen to. I've cleaned my room, sorted my laundry. Searched through websites of interest, even read my fave book that my mom bought me. But NOTHING is occupying my mind! I can't stop thinking about this. I can't stop thinking and questioning and turning everything over in my head again and again and again. My universe has been turned upside down and shattered into a million pieces and there's nothing to do but sit and cry over the scattered pieces. Even the angry music on my iPod is depressing to me. Looking at dinner on the table makes me think of cooking for my guys. I look at the iHome and iPod and laugh thinking about the boys going thru my music. I see my coffee cup and think of the matching one at Franks house and wonder if he's looked at it and thinks about me. Does he cry seeing my toothbrush like I did this morning when I saw his? Are his boys asking questions like Ian is? Will he miss chatting with me and his dad? Does he miss me even a little? Is he with someone new, is that why this happened? Does he not love me, did he ever love me?? Was it a game? Was I a rebound or a convienence? Was I just easy? I must've been easy because I was definitely easy to throw away. Does he look at the clock at noon and think of our phone calls the way I do? Did wednesday seem suddenly empty to him as it did to me because there was no visit to look forward to? Will Friday tear him to shreds like it is going to do to me? Does he see a message on fucking Facebook and hope it's from me like I do???? Is he broken like me? Why can't this be fixed? Why won't he love me enough to fix this? I'd do anything to fix it and have it all back again. Anything at all.
More then loss of one
Having sat thru like 13 episodes of Buffy, btw murphy managed to throw me all the depressing ones. I realized it's more than just losing the man that I love that I though was my one true mate. It's the loss of an entire family. I love his sons as much as I love mine, His dad and i have an amazing connection and I love him as much as my parents. But now I've lost an entire family and it's not as if there is death or catastrophe to blame all this loss on. They just aren't there anymore. all of them out of my life that fast, just gone poof. I keep searching for closure and meaning and reason and there is none. And then there's the stupid part of me that holds out hope that there will be a second chance but with every moment that goes by that nothing happens, my heart breaks all over again. It's just a constant vicious cycle of heartbreak and pain. My body keeps moving forward. The house is clean, beds are made, despite my cold I am showered and put together. But it's all just a complete show. Physically following habits and schedules, my mind is screaming and my heart is crying and my soul feels lost. Made a serious underestimation thinking this would go away soon because it just gets worse every hour of everyday.
Not getting any better
I know that I promised no more emotional blogs, so I'm not going to post this on Facebook or Twitter. I'm just writing for myself right now. Thought because I got so pissed yesterday that I'd be okay today. I'm not. I still want to cry and scream, I still want real answers, I still want Frank back. None of it's fair and my heart hurts. Over something so fucking stupid. We were supposed to be able to work through stuff, together. I got pushed away. This isn't supposed to be how relationships work, you work together and are partners, right?
I miss him and I love him. And every second of this just feels like my heartbreaks all over again.
I miss him and I love him. And every second of this just feels like my heartbreaks all over again.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Crushed to pissed, the world kept spinning
I've had a nap after some cold medicine mixed with Bud light (you should try that, it's fun)and I've talked with both Joe and Garcia. And I've had time to think about it. I'm pissed off now. still hurt but mostly pissed off. See, Frank's most current ex had a male friend that she had a past with and she confessed that she had feelings for this other dude. So I got ditched because he "didn't want to be in that situation again" but how is it the same situation? Because I have a guy friend that had feelings for me, 1500 miles away? How are his emotions under my control? I could've controlled my contact with him had I known it was an issue but it wasn't an issue till after I was dumped and Frank was looking for a bullshit reason. That's right I'm calling the "Bullshit Flag" on this one. I'm saying this was all one great big fucking lie. You can't go from fine one day to dumping someone over something they can't control the next. Now I'm pissed because I feel I've been lied to. The whole relationship was a lie, everything he ever said was a lie. "I can love you like no other man." Wow you proved that because you loved me right into a shattered heart dude. Nice. Glad no other man has loved me like that before. He promised forever and I get the first week in October, wtf? That was a short ass forever! Think maybe that one was just a wording thing though cuz you can't tell someone you'll love them for a month and get quite the same effect. Now let's look at the damage you just did to my kids and yours. Over some bullshit, your that quick to hurt them. Joe and garcia are right. You don't deserve me. You are not honorable enough, loyal enough, or strong enough for me. You are not fit to lick my boot heel on your finest fucking day. You say you loved me, I say you have no real true concept of the emotion. I deserve a love that consumes, fierce and fiery and is as strong as I am. I deserve a man as strong and fierce as me that will be my equal, my partner. I'm hurting now but it won't take me long to regroup and come back ten times better thanks to this little experience. And ya know my usual procedure is to destroy the persons life that hurt me but this time I'm going to let it go because you are not even worth that amount of energy from me. However I will put this into the universe, You will be alone in this world never finding what your looking for only a faint ghost of the life you search for will be what you find. And everytime you fail to find what your looking for, everytime it fails in your face I want you to think of me. I'll get what I want, you will not.
Till next time faithful readers (promise next time we will be back to our regularly scheduled chaos :)
BEX!
Till next time faithful readers (promise next time we will be back to our regularly scheduled chaos :)
BEX!
I have no words
I'm still sitting here. I can't get up and do anything. Nothing seems important. At least not important enough to move. The same words run through my head but seem to not want to come out of my mouth because there isn't enough levity to these words to convey what I'm feeling. You destroyed my life, the dreams no one knew I had and I'm just supposed to smile and walk away? I didn't think that you had gotten so inside of head. Why wasn't my guard up, why did I believe you, why did I expect more? There is no peace in me resting in pieces. There is no packing your things or putting our things away so there is no closure. It's just a gaping wound an emptiness existing where my heart once was. And there is no satisfaction, no relief to be had for me. When you can't find the air to cry there is no release, and so it just sits there. Just burning at the edges enough to be a constant scorch but not enough to consume the pain. I can't do this, I'm not strong enough for this and it feels like I'm at the bottom of an endlessly dark abyss screaming for someone to help me and no one is there. If I could just pour all of this pain out on this page it would be out of my heart and I could move on like you never destroyed my world but no matter how much pain comes out here, it's just a half of a fraction of what I'm feeling. And I keep watching the clock. In 6 minutes that phone will not ring, there will be no one on the other end saying I love you, no one to promise a fairy tale. In 5 minutes it will all crash down on me and be real. The end will be finalized and the emptiness will become a reality. It will all be over soon. The surreal vision of today will become the sharp contrast of reality.
Feels like I can't breathe...
Never thought I'd be back in this feeling again, never thought I'd be drowning in it. I was always the strong one, never gave any one the ground to be able to hurt me again. There isn't a person on the planet I couldn't walk away from with out so much as a glance backwards.
So why does it feel like all of the oxygen has left the room? Why can't I breathe correctly? Why does it feel like I'm crossing my arms to hold myself together, like if I don't then I will shatter? I feel like I'm made of broken glass that tried to come back together but did it all wrong. Why can't I walk away again? This isn't fair! This isn't supposed to happen this way. I shouldn't be standing here with a hole in my heart. None of this was supposed to happen, but it did and now I can't figure it out. Did the end of forever come that fast because that's what you promised me, and this sure doesn't look like the end of forever it looks like the first week in October. I want to scream and cry and sob till I can't catch my breath, I want to destroy something beautiful.
I hurt all the way into my soul. A hopeless, black pain that I had forgotten. It consumed me once before and I almost didn't make it out of it alive. It changed my whole being. And here it is again with it's crushing darkness and wrenching, heart pounding loss. Why can't I find the air to breathe, why can't I sleep without seeing it all behind my eyes playing out again and again. Why can't I be free to just lose it, why can't I just let go and cry. Why can't I even find the air to cry? Why can't I pull all of my pieces together again? Why couldn't I have my Jack? Why did my fairy tale not merit a happily ever after? Why wasn't I worth the promise of forever. Why is all the air gone?
Becky
So why does it feel like all of the oxygen has left the room? Why can't I breathe correctly? Why does it feel like I'm crossing my arms to hold myself together, like if I don't then I will shatter? I feel like I'm made of broken glass that tried to come back together but did it all wrong. Why can't I walk away again? This isn't fair! This isn't supposed to happen this way. I shouldn't be standing here with a hole in my heart. None of this was supposed to happen, but it did and now I can't figure it out. Did the end of forever come that fast because that's what you promised me, and this sure doesn't look like the end of forever it looks like the first week in October. I want to scream and cry and sob till I can't catch my breath, I want to destroy something beautiful.
I hurt all the way into my soul. A hopeless, black pain that I had forgotten. It consumed me once before and I almost didn't make it out of it alive. It changed my whole being. And here it is again with it's crushing darkness and wrenching, heart pounding loss. Why can't I find the air to breathe, why can't I sleep without seeing it all behind my eyes playing out again and again. Why can't I be free to just lose it, why can't I just let go and cry. Why can't I even find the air to cry? Why can't I pull all of my pieces together again? Why couldn't I have my Jack? Why did my fairy tale not merit a happily ever after? Why wasn't I worth the promise of forever. Why is all the air gone?
Becky
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Fairy tale is over
I definitely will not do this again. Was always very dead set on my views about relationships, why I wouldn't have one. Why I don't let people close to me in that way. This is the perfect example proving all of my points very correct.
Last weekend I had to deal with him starting shit between his most recent ex and some friend of his. Then Thursday i had my dad over for dinner for his birthday. He got drunk in front of my dad who hasn't spoken to me in a month over drinking. Then this past weekend domestically everything was fine except that there was no alone time. We discussed it and then he still went off and did his own thing, whatev. Was just going to say fuck it and take next weekend off. Stay home and do my thing. But then as I thought about it, I realized that I didn't want that. I want to spend my weekends with him. Then today happened. Today some she bitch was questioning him on his relationships. He gets pissed off when chic's do that, understandable. But I got kinda irritated because I just can't stand those hater bitches that can't keep your name outta their mouths. I said that's one of the reasons that I don't want to move to Auburn. It's got that small town thing going on where everyone knows everyone and they all got something to say. Fuck sakes his sister was just talking about this shit last week so it's not like I'm imagining this shit! Well he started comparing this to Dave. Which is a hell of a long reach considering the Dave debacle didn't have anything to do with anyone running their mouth so don't quite see how that fit? We got off the phone both mad. But instead of cooling down, he went online 15 minutes later and change his relationship status on Facebook!! Are we 12 again?? You can't talk to me you have to notify me of a change on Facebook??? What kind of a pussy ass move is that?? That's as bad as a text message!! Instead of discussing things like adults we do this on facebook, yep this is my fairytale relationship.
I know this is somehow going to be blamed on alcohol, my dave or past insecurities. I'm putting my money on all 3 actually because I can already play the conversation out in my head. And I might add that the whole conversation is straight bullshit. I don't buy into any of it nor will I when it's spoken. You'd think that after this past week it would be evident that if someone lashes out at me I will lash right back. I do not take shit being slung at me just because someone is having a bad day. No one is allowed to treat me that way, NO ONE!!
I can't take this constant emotional turmoil. It's a constant negative drain on me that I can't stand. "I'll love you like no other man, ever." I believed that line, can you believe it? It doesn't matter, none of it does. He said goodbye and that was the end of the fairytale. The princess woke up and the prince was a frog. I'm going to take some time and lick my wounds. Right now my heart hurts, my feelings are hurt, and my world has just been turned upside down. It'll pass and I'll be okay again but for now I will cry and sulk.
Till next time faithful readers,
Bex
Last weekend I had to deal with him starting shit between his most recent ex and some friend of his. Then Thursday i had my dad over for dinner for his birthday. He got drunk in front of my dad who hasn't spoken to me in a month over drinking. Then this past weekend domestically everything was fine except that there was no alone time. We discussed it and then he still went off and did his own thing, whatev. Was just going to say fuck it and take next weekend off. Stay home and do my thing. But then as I thought about it, I realized that I didn't want that. I want to spend my weekends with him. Then today happened. Today some she bitch was questioning him on his relationships. He gets pissed off when chic's do that, understandable. But I got kinda irritated because I just can't stand those hater bitches that can't keep your name outta their mouths. I said that's one of the reasons that I don't want to move to Auburn. It's got that small town thing going on where everyone knows everyone and they all got something to say. Fuck sakes his sister was just talking about this shit last week so it's not like I'm imagining this shit! Well he started comparing this to Dave. Which is a hell of a long reach considering the Dave debacle didn't have anything to do with anyone running their mouth so don't quite see how that fit? We got off the phone both mad. But instead of cooling down, he went online 15 minutes later and change his relationship status on Facebook!! Are we 12 again?? You can't talk to me you have to notify me of a change on Facebook??? What kind of a pussy ass move is that?? That's as bad as a text message!! Instead of discussing things like adults we do this on facebook, yep this is my fairytale relationship.
I know this is somehow going to be blamed on alcohol, my dave or past insecurities. I'm putting my money on all 3 actually because I can already play the conversation out in my head. And I might add that the whole conversation is straight bullshit. I don't buy into any of it nor will I when it's spoken. You'd think that after this past week it would be evident that if someone lashes out at me I will lash right back. I do not take shit being slung at me just because someone is having a bad day. No one is allowed to treat me that way, NO ONE!!
I can't take this constant emotional turmoil. It's a constant negative drain on me that I can't stand. "I'll love you like no other man, ever." I believed that line, can you believe it? It doesn't matter, none of it does. He said goodbye and that was the end of the fairytale. The princess woke up and the prince was a frog. I'm going to take some time and lick my wounds. Right now my heart hurts, my feelings are hurt, and my world has just been turned upside down. It'll pass and I'll be okay again but for now I will cry and sulk.
Till next time faithful readers,
Bex
Ok here are some casual observations...........
Thoughts that are buzzing in my head today.
Ever notice that Hot Pockets are like chinese food? Seriously, you eat one and your full but 10 minutes later your hungry again! Is that some sort of ploy to get us to buy more Hot Pockets? Is there a special chemical in them that causes this anomaly? I believe it's a plot against Jillian Michaels to make America fat, lmao!! Did I ever tell you that I'm on a mission to get fat just so I can go on Biggest Loser and Jillian Michaels will touch me? Yes I know this is a flawed plan but it's all I got man and c'mon tell me you wouldn't lose it if she was just standing next to you! Jillian is HOT!! Btw, the Hot Pocket observation is actually not mine. Shout out to B, that was all him.
Next on the list is The Happy Halloween Party. Originally Krystle was making less than subtle hints about me having a halloween party. Then last night Cameron was here and I mentioned it. Needless to say, I'm now having a Halloween party. But it's funny cuz me and Frank were talking about how I should have a party and get everyone from the Valley/Corcoran back together. So I'm hoping I can get as many of you as possible. Keep in mind it is one MY parties so it will be EPIC! No one can ever say my parties aren't freakin outstanding and memorable! Plus it would mean a lot to me to have all my friends in one spot for a few hours!
Ever notice that getting sick always makes you want your mom? Only mom can make it better when you feel like shit. So I am thankful that my mom is here to baby me through my cold, however, I think she's staying permanently. My step dad and her got into a fight a few days ago and we had to go pick her up. But yeah, I don't think she's leaving. I am too old to be living with my mom!! And hey, this is my space in the world! I'm bitching because I don't want to share my permanent space with the man I love, why would I want to share it with MY MOM!!! I'm too old to be treated like a 10 year old for god's sake! She yelled at me for not picking up my socks the other night, it's my house! I don't have to pick up my socks if I don't wanna!! I swear if she starts making me an afternoon snack that's it she's out!!
I hate psycho stalker bitches! We all know that I've had my fair share of run in's with these crazy chick's Kim, Nicole, etc. But now my friend Krystle's getting it. Her ex friend won't stop stalking her and keeps asking mutual friends about her. Dude seriously, Krys hates you with good reason! Keep her name out of your mouth, leave it alone cuz your a backstabbing whore! I can't stand people that always have something to say. It's one of my biggest pet peeves. There's always those silly little bitches that can't mind their own business and quit running their mouths. Grow the fuck up and concentrate on your own life! Have you noticed that the girls that do this are the ones with 4 kids by 4 different guys, no job and some sort of man drama happening? It's like their life is so miserable they try to start shit in everyone elses. Nothing aggravates me more in this world!
Well that's it for now faithful readers! Hope you can all make it to the Halloween Party, remember to buy extra Hot Pockets, punch all hater bitches in the mouth and I'm off to drug myself with cold medicine so that I don't hear my mom grounding me....
Bex
Ever notice that Hot Pockets are like chinese food? Seriously, you eat one and your full but 10 minutes later your hungry again! Is that some sort of ploy to get us to buy more Hot Pockets? Is there a special chemical in them that causes this anomaly? I believe it's a plot against Jillian Michaels to make America fat, lmao!! Did I ever tell you that I'm on a mission to get fat just so I can go on Biggest Loser and Jillian Michaels will touch me? Yes I know this is a flawed plan but it's all I got man and c'mon tell me you wouldn't lose it if she was just standing next to you! Jillian is HOT!! Btw, the Hot Pocket observation is actually not mine. Shout out to B, that was all him.
Next on the list is The Happy Halloween Party. Originally Krystle was making less than subtle hints about me having a halloween party. Then last night Cameron was here and I mentioned it. Needless to say, I'm now having a Halloween party. But it's funny cuz me and Frank were talking about how I should have a party and get everyone from the Valley/Corcoran back together. So I'm hoping I can get as many of you as possible. Keep in mind it is one MY parties so it will be EPIC! No one can ever say my parties aren't freakin outstanding and memorable! Plus it would mean a lot to me to have all my friends in one spot for a few hours!
Ever notice that getting sick always makes you want your mom? Only mom can make it better when you feel like shit. So I am thankful that my mom is here to baby me through my cold, however, I think she's staying permanently. My step dad and her got into a fight a few days ago and we had to go pick her up. But yeah, I don't think she's leaving. I am too old to be living with my mom!! And hey, this is my space in the world! I'm bitching because I don't want to share my permanent space with the man I love, why would I want to share it with MY MOM!!! I'm too old to be treated like a 10 year old for god's sake! She yelled at me for not picking up my socks the other night, it's my house! I don't have to pick up my socks if I don't wanna!! I swear if she starts making me an afternoon snack that's it she's out!!
I hate psycho stalker bitches! We all know that I've had my fair share of run in's with these crazy chick's Kim, Nicole, etc. But now my friend Krystle's getting it. Her ex friend won't stop stalking her and keeps asking mutual friends about her. Dude seriously, Krys hates you with good reason! Keep her name out of your mouth, leave it alone cuz your a backstabbing whore! I can't stand people that always have something to say. It's one of my biggest pet peeves. There's always those silly little bitches that can't mind their own business and quit running their mouths. Grow the fuck up and concentrate on your own life! Have you noticed that the girls that do this are the ones with 4 kids by 4 different guys, no job and some sort of man drama happening? It's like their life is so miserable they try to start shit in everyone elses. Nothing aggravates me more in this world!
Well that's it for now faithful readers! Hope you can all make it to the Halloween Party, remember to buy extra Hot Pockets, punch all hater bitches in the mouth and I'm off to drug myself with cold medicine so that I don't hear my mom grounding me....
Bex
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