I know, I know, supposed to keep this strictly non-personal and personal over in the "Hearts" section! However, thinking you might enjoy this either on a supportive or a sadistic level. Cam went home on vacation over a week ago so I decided that it would be the perfect time to quit smoking! Cameron is a non-smoker and although he would never tell me to change anything about myself I do realize that my smoking bothers him. It's been an up and down struggle in the past week and 3 days. I have broke down and smoked, not regularly but have smoked. But it is now Sunday afternoon and I have not even had a drag off of cigarette since Thursday night. And so begins the hilarious/tragic tale of Bex and The Big Nicotine Battle!
First of all, in hindsight I went about this all sorts of ass backwards! As with any battle, you strategize, plan, prepare THEN you fight.
I was afraid to do this with Cameron around because I knew that I'd be edgy and irritable, I didn't want to run the risk of doing or saying something hurtful that I didn't mean. It probably would have been better to take that risk just to have the constant support and physical deterrent.
Here's where I went big time wrong, I'm cocky. Not a big secret. I went into this thinking to myself that quitting smoking was going to make me edgy, irritable, bitchy and that I'd be uncomfortable but I'm Bex and this isn't gonna stop me for more than 24 hours AT THE MOST!! I never, not once, not one freaking time stopped to think that there are withdrawal symptoms. "And why would there be withdrawal symptoms?" Bex brain thought, dismissing it as soon as it flitted through. It's poor little thought pattern a victim of the train wreck that has become Bex directionless and nonsensical way of thinking in the past few days. And suddenly with a booming, crashing, destructive sound Common Sense came bursting into Bex Brain and with a roar of contempt, brought everything to a stop and commandeered the spastic attention span!
"Why would there be withdrawal symptoms? BECAUSE NICOTINE IS A FUCKING DRUG YOU MORON!!" Common Sense finally broke through the chaos and brought Bex back around again to a semi-normal way of thinking thus saving our day and our ass!
Now, had all of this happened in my brain a couple days or even 1 day before it may have been useful. Figuring this out later rather than sooner was a massive mistake.
See, Nicotine is a drug and with all drugs there are going to be physical symptoms of coming off of it. Problem is that I just assumed bitchiness was the worst of them. I got cocky and NEVER researched it!!! Oh the folly, Faithful readers!
Quick note: This is my experience and in no way shape or form should be taken as medical advice.
Come to find out there is a bevy of fun filled physical symptoms to parade through! And for whatever truly sadistic reason, I seem to be hitting every fucking one of them like falling and bouncing your head on every step down the fucking staircase. This is how the common sense lever got swung in my head. Yep they tell you about the physical cravings and the irritation, blah,blah, blah. And true, there are people out there that have quit and not had a symptom or have had a few for a day. I am just NOT FUCKING ONE OF THEM, AAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Did you know that quitting smoking can cause depression? Yep good old nicotine like all drugs affects the dopamine in your noggin! Take it away and your not high, your low and no one told you to expect it. Lovely. Even if you've never had a smoker's cough or anything like that, quitting smoking can cause coughing fits and nasal drip as your damaged tissue repairs itself. I kinda knew that one. What I did not know is that the pores in your skin will also begin to purge the crap that constant smoking leaves behind as soon as you quit! Holy Jesus, be prepared to wash your face a frigging lot!! I am not kidding!! It is un freaking real the shit that comes out of your pores! And this blew me away because I'm psychotic about my skin! I never considered that my face could be that gross just because of smoking. Ya want another fun one? Intense stomach and/or intestinal cramping and or severe constipation! "But Bex, How is this a symptom of quitting smoking, you don't eat the cigarette?" Because like Bex, Faithful Reader, you become obsessed with chewing gum or candy and keeping yourself occupied that you completely forget to drink and hydrate! I went 2 days with out drinking 1 glass of water (I normally drink between 6-8) before I realized what I'd done to myself and only after almost passing out on the treadmill. Let's go back to the beginning and clarify.
Remember when I said that like any drug, Nicotine plays with your dopamine in your brain? Well this is something that should be seriously splayed across every fucking quit smoking marketing campaign out there. And yes, as a non-smoker I hate these non-smoking, Nazi propaganda shleppers more than ever!!
Back to the dopamine. Taking nicotine away from your body doesn't just lead to depression, oh no! You can have foggy thinking, concentration issues, memory issues. Uh huh, ooohhhh the fun I am having. Let's put this in perspective! It takes me normally about 45 minutes to an hour to write a blog any given day. Today, I have been working on this blog for almost 2 hours. I never have an issue with spelling, today I have Dictionary.com open in another tab because I'm having such an issue that I couldn't even remember how to spell common! It's taken me this long because my thoughts are NOT coming in a direct stream, oh look there's something shiny...where was I? Oh yeah, sitting! Can't stay sitting, why? Because when would you smoke, when your sitting there!! Don't notice it till you quit smoking!! I forgot to eat for almost 2 days, no exaggeration. And the whole oral fixation, candy gum fix? Fuck's sake's thanks for warning me about the dangers hiding in something seemingly so damn innocent! I have destroyed the inside of my mouth biting my tongue, inside of my cheeks by chewing gum, oh and bit down so hard I cracked a filling on a piece of Juicy Fruit. Hard candy turns tragically sharp when you suck on it, ever notice that? It shreds the roof of your mouth when your eating a piece every half hour!
There is good news in the research too, that they forget to mention. Each physical craving only lasts at the maximum 3 minutes! So if you have a craving, yes it may seem like forever but if you time it, it puts it into perspective and I've found that concentrating on the 3 minutes distracts me from the craving. Ladies, it's like a contraction, it sucks bad then it's over. Within 72 hours your body has almost completely purged all the nicotine out of your body thus lessening all symptoms, considerably by all accounts!!! 3 days that's all!! Get through 3 days and the worst is over!! I can take over a small country in 3 damn days!!
Quit Smoking Campaigns are fear mongering, propaganda bullshit meant to prey upon your darkest fears and create animosity between you as a smoker and the general population of the world. Fuck them and their bullshit. You want to smoke? Go for it! It's your right!
Addiction. Yeah I still hold fast to my belief on addiction. You can get over anything that you put your mind to and blaming a chemical for something instead of taking personal responsibility for your actions is a bullshit excuse. The drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, they didn't get up on their own and do a damn thing, you did it. And guess what, you can sit there and fucking cry to me "Oh but you don't understand, it's the drugs that make me do this!" You did the fucking drugs, the drugs did not do you. You chose the path, you walked it, it's on you. I smoked the cigarettes, I chose to and now I choose not too anymore.
Alright faithful readers it's been almost 3 hours of complete confusion but I have managed to get this blog written lol!!
57 hours without a cigarette and 30 hours without a Nicotine patch. If your quitting, I'm with ya bro!! We can handle this shit!! Don't lose faith no matter what your quitting in life, faith and hope is all you ever need.
Till Next Time,
BEX
