Working long hours, walking every where I go, eating like a starving super model and having a really ass backwards schedule is really paying off for me! Lost those stubborn, stupid 15 pounds and only 3 pounds away from my goal weight, SWEET! LOL, yes I realize that this is possibly the worst and most unhealthy way to lose weight but I've tried all the "Right" ways and gotten no where so fuck it! I'm happy and sexy, that's all that matters. Being that I have a seriously messed up schedule, I end up watching allot of late night TV. There are like 20 different types of diet supplements geared towards women in their 40's with "Stubborn Belly Fat". And it got me to thinking, I have the most success losing weight and getting tone working out when I consciously stop eating on a regular basis and replace it with some sort of exercise. I've tried supplements and they almost NEVER work. So it may sound rude but here's my thought: Put down the god damn fork and go for a walk ya tubby bitch!
I don't intake allot of caffeine generally. I have 1 sometimes 2 cups of coffee in the morning and then it's water all day long. I don't drink soda pop. Maybe once a month I'll buy a Pepsi but a 16 oz Pepsi will last me 2 days. What I noticed as I went to go set my coffee down and my hand was shaking like a strung out meth addict, is that my caffeine intake has radically grown thanks to the weird hours that I am keeping. Now I am up to a pot of coffee and 3 Mountain Dew's a day. I just noticed this because I am off today and not on my usual hurry up and get to work mode. I don't have to be constantly On and Up, up, up today. Wouldn't all those people laugh if they figured out my cheery, people person, social, hap hap happy disposition is all caffeine induced! Probably not, given my cynical anti-social true personality. The Evil Bex can't wait to spring that on them after Christmas, mmwwhahahahaha!!!!Ya know, when they figure out that me smiling generally means something is going to explode rather soon :)
I am a Republican, I voted for Romney. There, I said it. I don't care who you voted for and I suggest you not care who I voted for as it is neither of our business. Obama won the election, okay, well good. At least I have 4 more years of snarky blog fodder. That being said, I noticed a trend that is kinda disturbing to me and I can't put my finger on the why of it. There have been various late night jokes and SNL skits about Romney losing but they've actually been kinda easy going on the guy like even the comedy world seems to feel sorry that he lost. No attacks, no mean spirited "I told you so's" just really light hearted minor funnies. I was all geared up to be furious at people for attacking my loser candidate and then......nothing. Nobody did. Huh, I have to wonder if maybe, just maybe, people voted closet Republican this year?
Again, had myself all geared up for constant negativity being that I am in a retail environment. Haven't gotten it yet, *Knocks On Wood*, seriously all of my customers are super nice. Even when we are slammed and the lines go down the aisles everyone has been friendly. Was not expecting that at all. My co-workers are alright, there's 3 out of 20 that I could live without happily but I just avoid them to the best of my ability. I actually made friends with one person. Try not to die from shock but yes it is another female, I know! Crazy, right!?! I like it there, it's a pretty cool place to work. Really went into it with the whole negative attitude of yeah, it's a distraction but it's still WORK, UGH! Glad to be wrong, it's much more fun than I anticipated. But with all things in Bex World, there are some seriously bizarre occurrences. Last Friday the trend was a new sport I like to call: Inebriated Retail Triathlon or the IRT. Rules: Participant must be drunk, not buzzed but assed out, slurring drunk! Stumble down the aisles, bouncing off each side WITHOUT knocking down displays, find item by asking sales person in drunkenesse, get to cash register while following the aisle rule again and pay for your purchase WITHOUT passing out anywhere inside the store. Yesterday I modified the Rules to include Stoner Hippies with Nerf guns.
I was honestly surprised but the first person that I saw drunk there, thought it was a fluke. But it continued all night so I just sat back and watched, following at a safe distance to see who won and who tried to break the rules of IRT, laughing at the ones that took the baby doll aisle as there return route, freaked out and failed when all the dolls with their motion sensors sprang to life in almost demonic fashion! Hehehehehe!!!! Thinking about making an exclusion to the rules or adding a sub-rule pertaining to that one baby doll aisle because honestly, that aisle is fucking spooky, creepy, weird when your a sober employee! It's got to be a 100 times worse for a drunk shopper!
I play in my head the entire time that I'm there. IRT, imagining the Animal Planet aisle coming to life, the gynormous 2 headed Red Dragon springing to life and eating the stick figure stock guy that in my mind looks like claymation, Oompa Loompas in the Wonka aisle rolling the fat chicks through the store singing the song as they all turn into giant blueberries. The Toy Story aisle coming to life only instead of being wholesome family fun waking up the exact opposite. Sometimes and I'm not exaggerating, I laugh out loud at the stuff going on in my head while I'm there. I try not to because it creeps people out or they want to know what I am thinking. WTF am I supposed to say?? "Well, I was imagining that blonde getting chased out of action figures by a foul mouthed, drunk, womanizing Buzz Lightyear trying to fondle her." No, don't think that would fly. "Oh I was picturing all the specimen bugs in the Science aisle swarming that chick I do not like, kinda like the movie The Craft." Um no. "I was picturing the store as a Tim Burton film." Eh, that one might be okay. You get the idea. I do have a repeat customer that looks EXACTLY like Pat Benatar. I've even taken to calling her Ms. Benatar, her and her husband love it and think it's hilarious. Seriously, first time I saw her I stopped dead in my tracks and thought it WAS Pat Benatar, freaked me right the fuck out! She is one of my favorite people and I look forward to seeing her on weekends, lol. I see her and ask her to sing a different Benatar hit, evidently she's a fan too. HAHAHA, even at the toy store Bex has regulars! Too funny!
My recent experiences have prompted me to question one thing though. How come Canadian's are so pissed off all the time? I have not met a nice Canadian in a month! Even at Wegmans Grocery store I came across a group of truly pissy Canadians at midnight. wtf is that about????? I'm sorry you feel the need to shop all the way down in New York but damn don't take it out on us! You have free health care, we have better mall's it's a fair trade for you Canada person! Oh and just FYI, Canadian accents and sarcasm do not translate and/or mix particularly well. Just sayin' is all.
Faithful Readers, I hope you were as entertained as I was. It's nice to sit down and chat with you as we use to. It's nice to resurrect this habit :)
Till Next Time,
BEX (Drunk chick down in aisle 3!)
