Have you got anything, I got nothing!

Seriously, Faithful Readers I am not trying to avoid you but honestly there has been nothing to write about! I watch the news every single day, I read the paper, I watch the World around me and yet still I got nothing for ya! So I think I'll switch up once again and break my rule, I'll tell you what's going on around me. Don't get excitable, there isn't much going on in Bex Universe either.

There was one thing in the news that made me giggle. Yesterday a meteor scared Californians shitless! Big ball of fire and a loud boom had Cali residents screaming "Where the fuck is Bruce Willis!?!?"

No meteors in my Universe today but hey, there's always tomorrow!

New guy in my Universe though so who wants to place bets?? My money is on 3 weeks so I'm calling $20 on May 8. Joking people, I'm joking!!!! Of course I believe this will be a nice long relationship that will grow and flourish into the partnership (may 8). I am not pessimistic, I choose to call it realistic. Or maybe cynical. Hhhmm, is what it is and I feel no need to rush it, just enjoying the moment.


Yeah, people. I am sitting here in front of this laptop, listening to tunes and truly I have nothing to write for you. I'd love to be amusing and give you your 7 chuckles for the day but I can't even think of some witty anecdote for ya! So I'm going to hang up my keyboard for today and hope that something interesting happens in the next 24.

Till Next Time,
BEX :)

Peculiar observations of an insomniac

I'd forgotten how much I enjoy sunrise. I watch as the colors stretch themselves farther and farther up in to the sky from the golden horizon. Bringing vibrant, the morning. Beautiful. I always hear my favorite Frost poem in my head at sunrise, puts me at peace even if I've been awake for 2 days.

I have insomnia. Certain times in my life it hasn't been so bad and other times it gets out of control and times like now it's just annoying. Right now I'm battling through an every other day sleep cycle while trying to over come a cold. I get very sleepy, go lay down, float between asleep and awake for an hour and then I'm awake alert and no longer sleepy. Wish we could get an open line of communication between my brain and my body to give me a heads up when we're gonna play this game because I'd personally like to sleep.
It's difficult to explain but I'm going to attempt it. I'm awake all night but certain parts of my mind go to sleep. I don't feel particularly chatty or social, I kind of cocoon myself in my room and read or watch movies. My activities are limited to things that don't require allot of my attention or effort. So it is as if most of my brain is sleeping, the rest being amused by mindless entertainment. Around 6-7 AM I become fully alert again and ready to rock again. The funny thing being that I'm alert enough to make my usual sharp observations and catalog them away for future reference as I would if I were wide awake having coffee watching the news. Curiouser and curiouser......

In Belgium an AD Agency wanted a unique way to promote the cable channel TNT debuting. They put a big red button on a yellow pole in a town square and waited for someone's curiosity to get the best of them. When a hapless attention deficit victim was dumb enough to push the button, yeah......those Belgians are some weird ones! Push the button and an ambulance comes flying around the corner screeching to a halt right in front of the stunned protagonist, flinging open the doors and dropping a body at their feet! Then football players rush out and scoop it up, a bicyclist gets hit by the ambulance, crazy ensues!!! And as it all comes to a close, a giant banner comes down the side of a building with the TNT logo. Huh?? Now I know why most of Europe looks at us in that manner, bad television. Yep, all the world's problems solved right there. Stop subjecting them to our bad television! I don't like watching the 36 hour marathon of Law And Order and I'm an American for Christ's sake, what makes you think subjecting a Belgian villager to this kind of Gitmo style torture will make them happy? I'd hate us too for subjecting me that crap. Europe doesn't make us watch their television (BBC doesn't count, it's American with a better accent) so why would we do it to them especially when it is sensationalizing all the WORST parts of our culture?? Way to propagate hatred, American television!!!! Bad television.

Speaking of bad television, I was watching this really bad ass movie about the Roman 9th Legion when it occurred to me that there is something very wrong with these types of movies. Can you guess what it is? Think 300, Gladiator, Troy, Centurion, basically any movie you've seen in your life pertaining to Ancient Roman and Greek time periods and culture. Got it yet?? Is it driving you crazy trying to figure out what's wrong with these movies? It's kind of like that skit in Sesame Street "One of these things is not like the other".

Did you get it yet????

Define irony. All the movies that you watch based on these Ancient Roman and Greek civilizations have their people depicted by English, Irish, Scottish, Welsh, German, actors! How funny is it that the tribe people the Romans were trying to defeat are now portraying them as entertainment! That's like the Universe fisting them centuries later! So you thought you were global conquerors huh? Watch how I destroy your civilization and make the non-bathing barbarians not only take over your land but wipe you off the planet so thoroughly that they play you in movies! HA! This is like those horrible old western movies where all the Indians were white guys in bad makeup, are there really no Greek or Italian actors good enough to portray their own people???
To me it seems like the ultimate fuck you to these people. Then again I haven't slept in over a day so I might be more sensitive to these things lol. Still seems not right though however I will be chuckling to myself next time I see a movie like these and a guy from Cornwall playing a Roman.

I want to hit on the Mitt & Ann Romney story but to be honest it pisses me off so not sure about that. I think Ms. Rosen had every right to make the comment about Ann Romney. Yeah being a mom is a tough ass job with no gratitude, no pay, no rest, etc. However Ms. Rosen was correct in stating that Ann Romney hasn't worked (career, job) a day in her life so it doesn't qualify her to counsel her husband Mitt on what average working women are financially, economically or politically interested in or fearful of. Ann Romney has no idea what this group of American women want to hear because she's never had anything in common except procreation. Just because all women have a vagina does not make them all equal. Ok enough, it's just getting me aggravated. What's actually sort of funny is that like any good cat fight this too was caused by a guy. Mitt was the one that made the comments that led to all this, hahahahha!!! Way to get the spotlight off of ya for a minute, Mitt, good play!

In a previous blog I mentioned the express way to hell was to steal a blind 5 year olds puppy while she was playing with it. Evidently the robbers saw the error of their ways and returned the girls dog. Happy ending!

It's Friday the 13th. Thirteen is my lucky number and I love Fridays so let's hope for the best!!!

Till next time faithful readers,

BEX

Is it the News or the cold that's slowly killing me???

After watching this morning's serial-stupid news, I'm wondering if I in fact caught a virus from my laptop or if the News has infected me with a violent strain of stupid. Now I'm not going to bitch about the news being stupid too badly because let's face it, the news gets real and I have nothing to amuse you with Faithful Readers!

Newt Gingrich's Campaign bounced a $500 check to the Utah Primary. Let's start out with: How's this rich bastard bouncing checks for a lousy $500?? Next: Who's in charge of his Campaign funds, Bernie Madoff?? Where did all the funds go that he's bouncing checks?? And: Am I supposed to feel as if he's somehow reaching out to us normal people by bouncing a check? It's the Utah Primary Newt NOT Wal-Mart!!! He can't keep his Campaign together and I'm supposed to feel comfortable and confident that he can handle the finances of a huge Country as President?

Epic Fail, Burger King, Epic Fail. Their multi-million dollar reboot to their franchise is just them stealing menu items from other restaurants and over pricing them. Nice, very original!

Express lane to HELL buddy! Someone in Hutchinson Kansas snatched a blind, 5 year old's service dog out of her front yard while she was playing with it. The only quicker way to hell other than stealing a blind kids, service dog out of her yard WHILE she was playing with it, being a Catholic Priest still rates number one on the quickest ways to hell. No one will ever beat them although apparently Teachers are trying REALLY hard!!! (google teacher dates student and be astounded and when did the teachers get hot? how come we had hags?)

Here's a gem I bet you missed!!! Both Miley Cyrus and Ashley Judd lashed out at tabloids for attacking their perspectiive "Body Issues" (Miley was Anorexia and Ashley has a puffy face) Both released statements about the Tabloids focusing a negative perspective on their bodies when it's clearly just food allergies and none of your damn business. Yep. Now wait for it........I want the pot head, stripper pole dancing, flunky child star turned Lohan Lite and the alcoholic, pill swallowing, child abuse victim, bipolar, bulemic, failed actresses to give me advice on my body image???? Oh hell no!!!

Cold is not getting any better and because I can't breathe, I can't sleep. Think 24 more hours and I will technically be classified as Zombie. Created by the toxic combination of cold medicine, allergy medicine and natural sleep remedies. "Zombie brought to proudly by Vick's and Zyrtec, if actual death has occurred please dial 1-800-BAD-DRUG and receive your full refund!!!"

Ok, time for me to go drool on myself. Till next time Faithful Readers,

ZOMBEX :)

Just laugh it off......

I promised my friends a blog about my birthday/Easter (Beaster) weekend yesterday. Sorry that it's a day late!!! Saturday I was supposed to have a party for my Birthday because as happens every couple of years, my Birthday falls on the same day as Easter. Now it's a pain in the ass in a normal year when Easter falls the week before or after but a direct pain in the ass when it falls ON my Birthday. Beaster years aren't that much fun to begin with, but this year it truly sucked monkey balls. I wasn't really feeling my Birthday this year, it's a Beaster year and so far my year has been bizarre and chaotic enough to make me go "Did you just see that, did that really just happen??" but I was willing to say "what the hell" and have the party. Well someone I really cared about kinda screwed me over on Saturday and that was just the straw that broke the back and I cancelled the party. Well my best buddy Dave wasn't willing to let me sit home and mope and surprisingly neither was my mom, so I got mandatory fun day. Mom gave me a handful of cash and said go out! We traveled down to the Rem and had some drinks with Dave's girl Mel who kindly came out to cheer me up even though she was sick. We went to a couple places and had a really good time, glad I got dragged out against my will lol!! Beaster Sunday I woke up much earlier than I wanted because people started texting me at 9 am. So I got up and for the first time in weeks remembered to file my unemployment claim on time, the irony being that I didn't notice my unemployment claim ran out and I was supposed to re-file. Damn!! Had I known that I definitely would not have blown through that much cash but oh well live and learn, right? Then my laptop crashed......Okay now I'm getting pissed off. Walk away from it all and sit down to a cup of coffee, holy hell I thought my sinus infection was gone why do I feel sick??? DAMN IT!!!! I caught Mel's cold!!! I finally go back to the laptop, get it all restored and begin running day long diagnostics to find the problem and as I'm doing this I re-filed my claim. As the day went on the computer turned out to not have a virus but it started to feel like I got one. About once a year I catch a cold and it kicks my ass completely for a week or so, this is my once a year cold. I feel horrible and each day I've held out hope that I'd feel better to no avail. Gram always said a cold took 3 days coming, 3 days staying and three days going. I'm on day 4, 5 more to go. I took a nice hot as hell shower thinking it would help un-congest me a little and make my head feel better. Faithful Readers, remember that I have the uncanny, never helpful ability to test gravity by tripping over air and catching the ground with my face? Your equilibrium is off when your ears get plugged up. Now add 2 and 2. Bex terrible coordination, plugged ears, tipped head to get the shampoo out and a wet soapy shower floor......Yeah, about that......my head hurts but thanks to the new bump and adrenaline rush I could breathe quite clearly for about ten minutes! Ggggrrrrr!!!!! Crappy ass Beaster weekend topped off with a concussion due to head cold, damn! Only in my Universe does this much happen in a 3 day period.

Enough about me! I was watching the news of course, what the hell else am I going to do when I'm trapped on the couch? Story about the Titanic 100th anniversary memorial cruise, punchline: Captain of the ship says hopefully we won't run into any icebergs because it's still a very real occurrence. 100 years later and we're still stupid enough to sail big ass ships in the paths of icebergs, hhhmmmm.......seems to me we could find a safer way to commemorate a ship sinking than possibly sinking our ship, just sayin'. The upside being that in 100 years people will sail a ship through the icebergs to commemorate our sunk ship too!!! Hooray!!

And since we are visiting the land of no common sense, let's pay a visit to it's newest community member. Ah, Ozzie Guillen! He's the Miami Marlins Manager, who evidently needs someone to stand next to him and cover his mouth before saying something incredibly stupid. It all began when Guillen was quoted as saying ""I respect Fidel Castro, You know why? A lot of people have wanted to kill Fidel Castro for the last 60 years, but that son of a bitch is still there."
Ha! HAHAHAHAHA!!! Your in Miami asshole!! You do not say that you respect the leader of a country that the population of your city fled from out of fear. What was he thinking? Oh he tells us what he was thinking, he says that wasn't what he meant that the Cuban to English translation was wrong. So now your telling me that you can't find a decent Cuban translator in a city full of Cuban Americans AND that your English is so bad that you can't A) Conduct an interview in English B) Don't understand English enough to realize there was a problem in translation!

Now understand that I actually agree with his remark. Castro has been poisoned, shot, blowed up and is still ALIVE! He's as bad as Rasputin!!! Fidel is yet another one of those people that I fully believe is a Jim Henson Muppet, being controlled by Jim Henson Productions, who actually control the World.


 CEO of Best Buy resigned. I don't know why and I don't care. You all know how I absolutely HATE Best Buy, maybe the CEO felt the same way. Hahaha Best Buy, even your CEO doesn't like you!!!!

Alright Faithful Readers, My kickass roommate just brought me cold medicine making any more writing today completely impossible if it's supposed to coherent. Gonna stare blankly at TV while drooling on my keyboard hoping to give the virus back to it, LOL!!!

Till Next Time,
BEX