This one might be a bit lengthy. I've had allot of amusement lately! Let's start with last Wednesday, I managed to have an incredibly awesome and productive day, I accomplished so much and still got to wander the library for an hour! Which for me, is like Christmas morning. It was really, really nice out that day, Ian and I decided to order some pizza for pick up and head down to my man's work to waste some time. As I was fixin' to take off from there I remembered that I wanted to cut these stupid zip ties off of my seatbelt. Well, as would be expected I got 3 out of 4 of them off before I stabbed myself in the hand with a box cutter!
Let's move on to the main topic, shall we? Everyone knows that I absolutely love people watching. There was a blog that I wrote in 2011 about an observation I had in the bar one night, skip past the paragraph about Kirk Cameron and you'll find it.
http://bexchaosandcandy.blogspot.com/2011/01/kirk-cameron-self-awareness-and-funny.html
Here's the excerpt if you don't feel like reading the whole thing:
"I had to laugh because I noticed an interesting social anomaly last night, we've all noticed that girls travel in packs and that pack ALWAYS has 1 fat and/or ugly girl that one of your buddies is going to get stuck with for which you will owe him a massive debt. But have you ever noticed that short people travel in packs also? Yep, little groups of people 5ft 4in and shorter roll in tiny smurf packs AND every 3rd one has 1 tall person! I'm not making this up! Really, seriously! Short people travel in clusters and pack 1 tall guy/girl for backup it would seem. Now when I go out I always pack 3 or 4 big guys and 2 or 3 smaller guys that are scrappy as fuck so you underestimate them and are dumb enough to go after the big guys. I NEVER travel in packs of short people because then the attention wouldn't be immediately focused on ME! And let's be real Readers I've said it time and again, I am a self involved creature first and foremost. I got a big giggle out of watching the Smurf Packs circulate the place. They had tiny migration paths that they followed and of course my imagination took this to the next level and I kept waiting for the tiny little packs to wander too close to the packs of taller people and just have 1 of the taller peoples heads turn into a T-Rex and snatch one of the helpless smurfs out of their pack. I have a brilliantly vivid imagination."
Saturday I noticed a new anomaly. When your sitting at the bar and it's the early onset of their "Dance Nights" you can't help but people watch, it's inevitable. Someone or someones are going to catch your attention. I kept noticing the groups of women. Always coming in pairs or groups of 3, never more never less. 2's or 3's is actually a pretty smart strategy, not too many so that one gets left out, just enough to make it fair game. I watched 2 that could have been extras on The Jersey Shore and watching the one in particular, chomp on her gum as hard as she was, made me thank Jesus I don't have a penis! Women, please, this is not attractive! AND, it's disconcerting to the opposite sex to watch your mouth work like that! In the past referenced blog I noticed "Smurf Packs" and imagined them getting eaten by the larger predators in close proximity. Saturday I found the largest, meanest, snarliest of ALL predators and every trio of women had one.
Gentlemen be on the lookout for the Vaginasaurus-Rex!!! It traveled in the trio's, you can spot them by the look in their black lined eyes when they see a guy that looks like a picture definition of frat boy, their upper lip curls up and they start looking at any male nearby like he's a freaking Hot Pocket!! Manhaters are like Velociraptors but the real queen of the single's jungle is Vaginasaurus-Rex! I was terrified for every dude in that place! And they stack the deck by making certain the other 2 members of their pack are 1 insecure, easy chick and 1 fat girl that looks like she just wants to go home and curl up with a gallon of ice cream. Be on the lookout for this trio, guys and stay out of reach because the V-Rex is always ready to snatch the weakest member of your herd!!!
Till Next Time, Faithful Readers!
BEX!
I received 3 pretty blue stitches and a couple of good chuckles. Starting with the complete failure of a woman that registered me in the ER. My hand was completely wrapped up and I had it held up above my heart, which is pretty much the only bit of first aid that I retained! This woman looks at me completely straight faced and says "Ms. Was this an intentional injury?" "Are you serious, right now, really?? You can see where I cut the damn thing, who the FUCK, intentionally stabs themselves in the side of their hand????"
I was a bit light headed at that point and my patience was wearing quite thin. See, I am scary calm when there are injuries, scary calm. Eventually though the adrenaline wears off, crisis gets a professional in on it and then I get allot less than calm! I was sliding down that slippery slope pretty damn fast! Jason came to be with me at the ER but not in time to stop 3 more people from asking me if "This was an intentional injury. Ms do you feel safe at home?" Do I feel safe at home, yep didn't happen at home and there's no box cutter there :) so as you can see, home is quite safe!Let's move on to the main topic, shall we? Everyone knows that I absolutely love people watching. There was a blog that I wrote in 2011 about an observation I had in the bar one night, skip past the paragraph about Kirk Cameron and you'll find it.
http://bexchaosandcandy.blogspot.com/2011/01/kirk-cameron-self-awareness-and-funny.html
Here's the excerpt if you don't feel like reading the whole thing:
"I had to laugh because I noticed an interesting social anomaly last night, we've all noticed that girls travel in packs and that pack ALWAYS has 1 fat and/or ugly girl that one of your buddies is going to get stuck with for which you will owe him a massive debt. But have you ever noticed that short people travel in packs also? Yep, little groups of people 5ft 4in and shorter roll in tiny smurf packs AND every 3rd one has 1 tall person! I'm not making this up! Really, seriously! Short people travel in clusters and pack 1 tall guy/girl for backup it would seem. Now when I go out I always pack 3 or 4 big guys and 2 or 3 smaller guys that are scrappy as fuck so you underestimate them and are dumb enough to go after the big guys. I NEVER travel in packs of short people because then the attention wouldn't be immediately focused on ME! And let's be real Readers I've said it time and again, I am a self involved creature first and foremost. I got a big giggle out of watching the Smurf Packs circulate the place. They had tiny migration paths that they followed and of course my imagination took this to the next level and I kept waiting for the tiny little packs to wander too close to the packs of taller people and just have 1 of the taller peoples heads turn into a T-Rex and snatch one of the helpless smurfs out of their pack. I have a brilliantly vivid imagination."
Saturday I noticed a new anomaly. When your sitting at the bar and it's the early onset of their "Dance Nights" you can't help but people watch, it's inevitable. Someone or someones are going to catch your attention. I kept noticing the groups of women. Always coming in pairs or groups of 3, never more never less. 2's or 3's is actually a pretty smart strategy, not too many so that one gets left out, just enough to make it fair game. I watched 2 that could have been extras on The Jersey Shore and watching the one in particular, chomp on her gum as hard as she was, made me thank Jesus I don't have a penis! Women, please, this is not attractive! AND, it's disconcerting to the opposite sex to watch your mouth work like that! In the past referenced blog I noticed "Smurf Packs" and imagined them getting eaten by the larger predators in close proximity. Saturday I found the largest, meanest, snarliest of ALL predators and every trio of women had one.
Gentlemen be on the lookout for the Vaginasaurus-Rex!!! It traveled in the trio's, you can spot them by the look in their black lined eyes when they see a guy that looks like a picture definition of frat boy, their upper lip curls up and they start looking at any male nearby like he's a freaking Hot Pocket!! Manhaters are like Velociraptors but the real queen of the single's jungle is Vaginasaurus-Rex! I was terrified for every dude in that place! And they stack the deck by making certain the other 2 members of their pack are 1 insecure, easy chick and 1 fat girl that looks like she just wants to go home and curl up with a gallon of ice cream. Be on the lookout for this trio, guys and stay out of reach because the V-Rex is always ready to snatch the weakest member of your herd!!!
Till Next Time, Faithful Readers!
BEX!
