Quitting smoking, My Views On Addiction

I know, I know, supposed to keep this strictly non-personal and personal over in the "Hearts" section! However, thinking you might enjoy this either on a supportive or a sadistic level. Cam went home on vacation over a week ago so I decided that it would be the perfect time to quit smoking! Cameron is a non-smoker and although he would never tell me to change anything about myself I do realize that my smoking bothers him. It's been an up and down struggle in the past week and 3 days. I have broke down and smoked, not regularly but have smoked. But it is now Sunday afternoon and I have not even had a drag off of cigarette since Thursday night. And so begins the hilarious/tragic tale of Bex and The Big Nicotine Battle!

First of all, in hindsight I went about this all sorts of ass backwards! As with any battle, you strategize, plan, prepare THEN you fight.

I was afraid to do this with Cameron around because I knew that I'd be edgy and irritable, I didn't want to run the risk of doing or saying something hurtful that I didn't mean. It probably would have been better to take that risk just to have the constant support and physical deterrent.

Here's where I went big time wrong, I'm cocky. Not a big secret. I went into this thinking to myself that quitting smoking was going to make me edgy, irritable, bitchy and that I'd be uncomfortable but I'm Bex and this isn't gonna stop me for more than 24 hours AT THE MOST!! I never, not once, not one freaking time stopped to think that there are withdrawal symptoms. "And why would there be withdrawal symptoms?" Bex brain thought, dismissing it as soon as it flitted through. It's poor little thought pattern a victim of the train wreck that has become Bex directionless and nonsensical way of thinking in the past few days. And suddenly with a booming, crashing, destructive sound Common Sense came bursting into Bex Brain and with a roar of contempt, brought everything to a stop and commandeered the spastic attention span!

"Why would there be withdrawal symptoms? BECAUSE NICOTINE IS A FUCKING DRUG YOU MORON!!" Common Sense finally broke through the chaos and brought Bex back around again to a semi-normal way of thinking thus saving our day and our ass!

Now, had all of this happened in my brain a couple days or even 1 day before it may have been useful. Figuring this out later rather than sooner was a massive mistake.

See, Nicotine is a drug and with all drugs there are going to be physical symptoms of coming off of it. Problem is that I just assumed bitchiness was the worst of them. I got cocky and NEVER researched it!!! Oh the folly, Faithful readers!

Quick note: This is my experience and in no way shape or form should be taken as medical advice.

Come to find out there is a bevy of fun filled physical symptoms to parade through! And for whatever truly sadistic reason, I seem to be hitting every fucking one of them like falling and bouncing your head on every step down the fucking staircase. This is how the common sense lever got swung in my head. Yep they tell you about the physical cravings and the irritation, blah,blah, blah. And true, there are people out there that have quit and not had a symptom or have had a few for a day. I am just NOT FUCKING ONE OF THEM, AAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Did you know that quitting smoking can cause depression? Yep good old nicotine like all drugs affects the dopamine in your noggin! Take it away and your not high, your low and no one told you to expect it. Lovely. Even if you've never had a smoker's cough or anything like that, quitting smoking can cause coughing fits and nasal drip as your damaged tissue repairs itself. I kinda knew that one. What I did not know is that the pores in your skin will also begin to purge the crap that constant smoking leaves behind as soon as you quit! Holy Jesus, be prepared to wash your face a frigging lot!! I am not kidding!! It is un freaking real the shit that comes out of your pores! And this blew me away because I'm psychotic about my skin! I never considered that my face could be that gross just because of smoking. Ya want another fun one? Intense stomach and/or intestinal cramping and or severe constipation! "But Bex, How is this a symptom of quitting smoking, you don't eat the cigarette?" Because like Bex, Faithful Reader, you become obsessed with chewing gum or candy and keeping yourself occupied that you completely forget to drink and hydrate! I went 2 days with out drinking 1 glass of water (I normally drink between 6-8) before I realized what I'd done to myself and only after almost passing out on the treadmill. Let's go back to the beginning and clarify.

Remember when I said that like any drug, Nicotine plays with your dopamine in your brain? Well this is something that should be seriously splayed across every fucking quit smoking marketing campaign out there. And yes, as a non-smoker I hate these non-smoking, Nazi propaganda shleppers more than ever!!

Back to the dopamine. Taking nicotine away from your body doesn't just lead to depression, oh no! You can have foggy thinking, concentration issues, memory issues. Uh huh, ooohhhh the fun I am having. Let's put this in perspective! It takes me normally about 45 minutes to an hour to write a blog any given day. Today, I have been working on this blog for almost 2 hours. I never have an issue with spelling, today I have Dictionary.com open in another tab because I'm having such an issue that I couldn't even remember how to spell common! It's taken me this long because my thoughts are NOT coming in a direct stream, oh look there's something shiny...where was I? Oh yeah, sitting! Can't stay sitting, why? Because when would you smoke, when your sitting there!! Don't notice it till you quit smoking!! I forgot to eat for almost 2 days, no exaggeration. And the whole oral fixation, candy gum fix? Fuck's sake's thanks for warning me about the dangers hiding in something seemingly so damn innocent! I have destroyed the inside of my mouth biting my tongue, inside of my cheeks by chewing gum, oh and bit down so hard I cracked a filling on a piece of Juicy Fruit. Hard candy turns tragically sharp when you suck on it, ever notice that? It shreds the roof of your mouth when your eating a piece every half hour!

There is good news in the research too, that they forget to mention. Each physical craving only lasts at the maximum 3 minutes! So if you have a craving, yes it may seem like forever but if you time it, it puts it into perspective and I've found that concentrating on the 3 minutes distracts me from the craving. Ladies, it's like a contraction, it sucks bad then it's over. Within 72 hours your body has almost completely purged all the nicotine out of your body thus lessening all symptoms, considerably by all accounts!!! 3 days that's all!! Get through 3 days and the worst is over!! I can take over a small country in 3 damn days!!

Quit Smoking Campaigns are fear mongering, propaganda bullshit meant to prey upon your darkest fears and create animosity between you as a smoker and the general population of the world. Fuck them and their bullshit. You want to smoke? Go for it! It's your right!

Addiction. Yeah I still hold fast to my belief on addiction. You can get over anything that you put your mind to and blaming a chemical for something instead of taking personal responsibility for your actions is a bullshit excuse. The drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, they didn't get up on their own and do a damn thing, you did it. And guess what, you can sit there and fucking cry to me "Oh but you don't understand, it's the drugs that make me do this!" You did the fucking drugs, the drugs did not do you. You chose the path, you walked it, it's on you. I smoked the cigarettes, I chose to and now I choose not too anymore.

Alright faithful readers it's been almost 3 hours of complete confusion but I have managed to get this blog written lol!!

57 hours without a cigarette and 30 hours without a Nicotine patch. If your quitting, I'm with ya bro!! We can handle this shit!! Don't lose faith no matter what your quitting in life, faith and hope is all you ever need.

Till Next Time,
BEX

Changes to Chaos and Candy

Faithful Readers it would seem that we have a couple of snakes in our otherwise tranquil grass. I have been forced to change the settings on this and my Chaos and Candy Hearts page to block all comments from being posted to these pages. I did not want to make these changes, to me it's censorship. Chaos and Candy is a place for me to write my social commentary on the news and world around me as I see it. I always have enjoyed opposing views to mine because it means someone is awake and paying attention! Chaos and Candy Hearts is my personal blog, more like a diary. Sometimes, because this blog is more widely read, my personal life spills on to these pages instead. I usually try to apologize and explain on the rare occasion that this happens.

Unfortunately people that have been removed from my personal life have felt the need to attack me online. And one of their favorite places to attack me is on the comments section of my blog. Leaving comments that either make no sense at all or are attempting to make me react in a negative manner by putting half truths about my life on display.

Here is the cold hard truth, you were removed from my personal life, you were removed and blocked from my cyber life on all levels, now you are blocked from attacking me on a page for politics and news. I have not attacked you in any way shape or form here or in real life, you are acting out of jealousy because I never attacked you I simply erased you. I erased everything that proved at one point you existed in BEX Universe and I moved on never acknowledging that you EVER existed on this planet.

Now I apologize to you, Faithful Readers. Unfortunately a couple of knuckle dragging, mouth breathers have upset the balance that we have. However Bex, with you along side will prevail!

Till Next Time Faithful Readers!!!!!!
BEX

Going local again

Haven't found anything of too much interest in world news lately. GOP debates blah, blah...Conrad Murray trial blah, blah....Greece public uprising blah, blah...Putin and Medvedev to switch political offices blah....wait I called that one!!!! Knew that I was right!!! I love Putin's sneaky monkey butt!! Completely tired of the "Occupy" protesters. Half of them don't even know what they're protesting. And stop protesting in the name of the poor because I am the fucking poor and so far you have made no statements in protest that I would support nor I'm sure would half the general poor public. And what's with the asshole protesters throwing out anti-Jew remarks?? Yep, you guys didn't have me onboard to begin with but after that you really lost me. But hey this is America and it's good to see protesting for change, even if their unsure of what changes they want.

Singer Toby Keith's restaurant "I Love This Bar & Grill" is coming to Destiny/Carousel Penitentiary, oops I mean Mall. Sorry, after that hideous expansion was put on it reminds me of a prison. Hell, even our prisons in CNY look better than the job they did on that mall! So this restaurant is slated to bring it's twist on Southern fare and live music to Syracuse when the expansion opens in Spring 2012. However Destiny spokespeople are saying that some stores in the new expansion area could be open by holiday time this year. Yep, sure. Just like Melting Pot was supposed to be in there by Summer. I stopped believing these people last Spring when it was "almost completed". Out of curiosity I went on the "I Love This Bar & Grill" website. The prices are crazy, outrageous!! $10.50 for a chicken sandwich, $8.50 for a fried bologna sandwich, 6oz sirloin for $15.50? Oh hell no. Sorry Toby but after New York puts tax on the bill, I don't think you will get many repeat customers. Not at those prices. Not to mention the fact that your not as novel as say, Margarittaville or well anyone for that matter. I give the place 3-4 months, tops.

A CNY native is shopping a pilot TV series set in and about Syracuse area. "Upstate" is reportedly a sitcom about a working family dealing with plant closings and economic issues (see: Roseanne and every other damn sitcom about a family since the dawn of television). I live in Syracuse and trust me when I say that I will not be signing up to watch this drivel. There's nothing funny about living in a city where your best hope of a job is the local fast food joint, high taxes, high crime and economic depression. But Bex, you say, this will lead to the creation of jobs for our area. Except that casting calls aren't even being done locally, they plan on shooting footage of the area for the opening and some cut away shots and then it will be shot on a sound stage NOT in CNY. Exploitation at it's best.

I usually love the news. Lately I have found it at best, tedious. Then again it may just be my frame of mind interfering with my view on the world in general. There have been allot of changes in my life, all for the better but still changes. And if anything I am a creature of habit, I don't like my schedule disrupted. I'm happy readers. Happy with every aspect and that is a nice change of pace.

Well I'd love to say that I have something witty and clever to add to this post but I really don't so why drag it out?

Till Next Time,
BEX

Syracuse's Finest, why you shouldn't call the police in Syracuse.

Alright yes, my Mom doesn't live in the greatest of areas. In fact she probably lives in the worst area. Right now we are biding our time till December when she turns 55 and can qualify for some place nice. Her apartment building right now is filled with the absolute dregs of society but there are some really nice people, not everyone there is horrible and Management is really stepping up to try to weed out the crack heads and trouble makers. Hell, the other day there were 4 cops there when Management evicted people. One of the people, we'll call her Jane, has been running a crack/prostitution house out of her apartment and got served with her 30 day eviction notice. For whatever psychotic reason she hates my Mom and is always saying something snarky. Jane has been making copies of her keys and giving them to all her dealers and crack buddies (it's a secure building) so that they can come and go as they please.

Saturday, Mom got fed up and called the police because she had gone out and asked these people to keep it to a minimum because her grandson was there. While waiting for the Syracuse Police to show up, these people kept walking by her door yelling "Watch your back, bitch". That pisses me right the fuck off to begin with but here's what really has me furious.

2 hours after calling them, Syracuse's finest show up. Now I'm not a big fan of the police to begin with and my recent run in's with the Onondaga County Sheriff's have left me with an even nastier taste in my mouth for the police in general. In my experience 1 out of every 10 police officers is worth a damn and will actually do something. The rest are just lazy and too busy to care.

So 2 hours later Syracuse police show up. Mom tells them that these people are threatening her. She tells them their running a crack house up in the apartment. Do you know what the Syracuse police said in response to the crack house comment? "That's none of my business, ma'am." The officer told the people to stop threatening my mother or they'd go to jail. Syracuse's finest never checked the apartment, never took any statements and never filed a report. My mother called back later on in the afternoon when the threatening continued and requested to file harassment charges. Do you know what the dispatcher said? "We're awful busy, Gale not certain that the Police can make it out there."

Now I'm not a Criminal Justice expert but I thought the police were suppose to investigate warranted claims of drug activity, I thought they were suppose to document threats against someone's life, I thought they were suppose to document claims of illegal activity. I thought they were suppose to serve and protect.

Syracuse Police Department. I can't come up with a better joke than them. Guess you can't expect your tax dollars to work for you in a state that has the highest taxes in the country, especially when it comes to our police departments.

On the flip side, if your into illegal drug activity and violence, Syracuse is the place for you!

Till Next Time, Faithful Readers.
BEX

I'M BACK.....

It's the beginning of a new era, Faithful Readers. I have moved to a new apartment in an undisclosed area and changed my phone number to prevent the bad people from invading my Universe any further. I love my new place. There is still a bit of drama happening but considering everything that I have been through in the past month, it's minimal and I'll live through it.

With that being said, let us continue on with the satirical view of the news that this blog was based upon. And so it begins....


We all know that I STRONGLY dislike Obama. I had to laugh when I read a blurb on CNN from Fidel Castro. Yes, he's still alive and I still believe he's a freaking Muppet. "Who understands the gibberish of the President of the United States speaking before the United Nations?" Castro wrote in his so-called "Reflection." Ok, see it isn't just me. Not even other world leaders understand the rhetoric and propaganda that fall out of Obama's mouth. If anyone watched Obama's speech to Congress on September 8th and paid attention, you would've heard him spouting idea after idea followed by his "I'll lay out the plan for all of these ideas some time next week." Um, what? You as the President aren't even prepared with an outline? You just wasted 2 hours of my life kicking around ideas that aren't even realistic?? "If Americans can buy Kias and Hyundais, I want to see folks in South Korea driving Fords and Chevys and Chryslers. I want to see more products sold around the world stamped with three proud words: Made in America.” Yeah, except that it cost more to manufacture our vehicles than it does a Kia, Toyota or Hyundais. Which do you think these foreign countries are going to buy? It's their product and it's cheaper, more fuel efficient, easier to maintain. Do not get me wrong, My father has been a UAW worker for over 30 years and I have owned nothing but Ford's and Chevy's, I have nothing against American made but my Ford had a Mitsubishi transmission and my Chevy was 90% foreign parts. We stopped being "American Made" in the 1970's plain and simple. And our economy in this country is so shitty right now that buying a Kia that get's us 35 miles to the gallon with gas prices almost $4.00 a gallon and cost us $15,000 is the only option that we as Americans have. President Obama, start acting like the leader of the free world. Stop blaming the Republicans and every one else for everything that's gone wrong, start taking personal responsibility. Stop involving us in political conflicts across the Middle East (Libya, Yemen, Syria, Egypt) and spending money that we don't have. Take that money, fix OUR economy, take care of our American Soldiers, take care of our working poor and impoverished, feed OUR hungry Americans. Stop making speeches, stop talking. Actions speak louder than words, Mr. President. And with all your bickering and placing blame and half cocked propaganda all you've proven in your term is that you truly have no concept of what the American public is living through. Have you and Michelle ever had to make $6 feed a family for 3 days? I doubt it. Have you ever had to beg, borrow and steal to have a place to live? Nope, didn't think so. Barak and Michelle get to sleep in the White House comfortably every night with clear conscience's because they spent 2 hours visiting a homeless shelter. Wow, how big of you to lower your self to a 2 hour visit and then make a speech touting how you know the plight of the American people.

Now here is something that I found that re-inspires my faith that there are people out there that embrace common sense. Mexico City has a proposal that I believe the whole world should embrace and make a law. This is taken from ABC News and reported by Reuters.

‘Til death do us part … for two years? Mexico City lawmakers are proposing legislation that would allow newlyweds to apply for temporary marriage licenses, instead of making the plunge into wedded life a lifetime commitment.
The legislation’s proponents argue that the hassle of divorce could be avoided by making these licenses an option, according to Reuters. The change to civil code was proposed this week and would allow couples to decide the length of the commitment, with two years as the minimum.
If couples are still enjoying wedded bliss when the contract ends, then they would be able to renew the license. And if they’re unhappy, the contract expires and they are both free without going through a divorce.
“The proposal is, when the two-year period is up, if the relationship is not stable or harmonious, the contract simply ends,” Leonoel Luna, the Mexico City assemblyman who co-authored the bill, told Reuters. “You wouldn’t have to go through the torturous process of divorce.”

That makes the most sense, EVER!!!!!! LOVE YOU MEXICO CITY!!!! This would save money and possibly the animosity between 2 people that at one point loved each other but now despise each other because of a long drawn out battle. This way it's just "Hey it didn't work, we're okay." Makes sense to me, maybe that's why it's never come up before, lol. Anyone that's ever tried to get an annulment or gone through a divorce I think will agree with this proposal.

Alright Faithful Readers, that's my point of view for today. This blog will now remain as it was meant to be, purely satirical news and political thoughts that I see. No more personal stuff here, if your curiosity piques and you feel the need to know my personal adventures, mishaps and Murphy's antics than head on over to bexchaosandcandyhearts.blogspot.com

Till Next Time,

BEX