So I just made a list of my top fave bands for my friend. The list consisted of like 60 bands and that is just my Top bands not all the bands I listen to. I've cleaned my room, sorted my laundry. Searched through websites of interest, even read my fave book that my mom bought me. But NOTHING is occupying my mind! I can't stop thinking about this. I can't stop thinking and questioning and turning everything over in my head again and again and again. My universe has been turned upside down and shattered into a million pieces and there's nothing to do but sit and cry over the scattered pieces. Even the angry music on my iPod is depressing to me. Looking at dinner on the table makes me think of cooking for my guys. I look at the iHome and iPod and laugh thinking about the boys going thru my music. I see my coffee cup and think of the matching one at Franks house and wonder if he's looked at it and thinks about me. Does he cry seeing my toothbrush like I did this morning when I saw his? Are his boys asking questions like Ian is? Will he miss chatting with me and his dad? Does he miss me even a little? Is he with someone new, is that why this happened? Does he not love me, did he ever love me?? Was it a game? Was I a rebound or a convienence? Was I just easy? I must've been easy because I was definitely easy to throw away. Does he look at the clock at noon and think of our phone calls the way I do? Did wednesday seem suddenly empty to him as it did to me because there was no visit to look forward to? Will Friday tear him to shreds like it is going to do to me? Does he see a message on fucking Facebook and hope it's from me like I do???? Is he broken like me? Why can't this be fixed? Why won't he love me enough to fix this? I'd do anything to fix it and have it all back again. Anything at all.
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