I have no words

I'm still sitting here. I can't get up and do anything. Nothing seems important. At least not important enough to move. The same words run through my head but seem to not want to come out of my mouth because there isn't enough levity to these words to convey what I'm feeling. You destroyed my life, the dreams no one knew I had and I'm just supposed to smile and walk away? I didn't think that you had gotten so inside of head. Why wasn't my guard up, why did I believe you, why did I expect more? There is no peace in me resting in pieces. There is no packing your things or putting our things away so there is no closure. It's just a gaping wound an emptiness existing where my heart once was. And there is no satisfaction, no relief to be had for me. When you can't find the air to cry there is no release, and so it just sits there. Just burning at the edges enough to be a constant scorch but not enough to consume the pain. I can't do this, I'm not strong enough for this and it feels like I'm at the bottom of an endlessly dark abyss screaming for someone to help me and no one is there. If I could just pour all of this pain out on this page it would be out of my heart and I could move on like you never destroyed my world but no matter how much pain comes out here, it's just a half of a fraction of what I'm feeling. And I keep watching the clock. In 6 minutes that phone will not ring, there will be no one on the other end saying I love you, no one to promise a fairy tale. In 5 minutes it will all crash down on me and be real. The end will be finalized and the emptiness will become a reality. It will all be over soon. The surreal vision of today will become the sharp contrast of reality.