It's no big lie. Been going through a really emotional time in the past 4 weeks trying to get over me and Tony splitting up. Today, after many texts and conversations tony finally came to see me. I thought I was emotionally fortified for this. Yep, not so much. He always acts like a bad used car salesman and I always fall for the "look I'm ignorant" act, but not today. I acted strong through his let's be friends shpiel. I sobbed after I heard the door shut. But I did text him that after all those conversations and texts I had hoped he had come to be a grown up, discovered drugs were bad and that he wasted a good opportunity to lead a successful life and wanted to come home. He said he was going to come back and I waited and.............
In the mean time, something only 3 people knew came back to my oldest son mysteriously. And he hates me for something that wasn't intentional, quite the opposite, I meant to keep that which wasn't intentional and was quite happy in that decision. It was stress and an accident.
on top of this, yeah it hurt to see Tony today. More than you can imagine. Even more to keep the hurt in and not cry in front of him.
Jesus, when does this get easier???? I'm so over this constant pain. This much loss all at once, I think I'm passed one and another pops up.
I had so hoped that I was wrong through all of this and for one time in life I was right. I don't want to be right because it hurts too much to be right.
Evidently Tony found drugs or something else to lose himself in and this wasn't as important as I thought it was to fix.....what does that say about me????
BECKY
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