People have again and again asked me what I'm talking about when I say that Murphy is kicking my ass. Now I know at some point I have already blogged about this so my only explanation is that people are either not listening to me or they are all illiterate.
"Murphy's Laws 1. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong"
There are many differing views on where the list of Murphy's laws came from and who first uttered them but I believe in Murphy as an unseen force in the Universe. I'm not here to argue the origins of Murphy. To me, Murphy is the definition of Irish Luck. Sure everything will work out in the end but it will take the most fucked up, damage causing route possible. It's the Universal truth that anything that can go wrong WILL indeed go wrong.
Now most normal human beings on the planet only get a taste of Murphy's sick sense of humor once, maybe twice. Me? I get to Share my life with this twisted, imaginary bastard. There are 3 factors that directly play into my life with Murphy. 1. How long a period have I gone without something going wrong? 2. How long has everything been going according to plan and/or how happy am I? 3. How broke am I in direct proportion to how much Murphy's damage could cause me monetarily? Add all 3 of these together,shake,serve in a chilled pint glass and there you have it, a recipe for a perfect disaster! Or better known as a day in Bex life!
Now I know that there are those of you out there in the 'Verse that are cynical, non-believers. You will say that I am being paranoid or trying to justify my shortcomings on an unseen force. You will say that I bring these events on myself by my own bad decisions.
I answer this very simply by saying you obviously don't know me very well and I dare you to spend a 48 hour period with me. Although I will warn you that Murphy may take notice of you by your association with me and I'm not responsible for any damages that may occur due to this association. As Cameron so succinctly put it the other night, I am not the exception to the rule I am my own rule. And no other rules apply.
My Christmas went really really well, the week leading up to the holiday went really really well with exception to the broken finger/manager from hell debacle that really wasn't a debacle at all, just a small dose of Murphy, tiny by comparison to what was waiting for me. Honestly, except for some minor turbulence the past 2 months haven't been that bad. And the past couple weeks have been positively fabulous.
Here's an example of Murphy in direct coalition with my life. Yesterday I jumped in the truck to go pay a bill, as I was driving I noticed my dashboard suddenly got brighter. Check Gauges light popped on (never seen that one before) looked at the dash and my temperature gauge is red lining (going all the way in to the red, for my non-mechanically inclined readers) and suddenly there's no heat in the truck. I immediately think thermostat, heater core, obvious stuff. I got home as quickly as possible, parked the truck and just shook my head at her. *Sigh* Of course this would happen, it's been 2 weeks since anything was wrong with Bella and my repair bill is paid up. *Heavier Sigh*. All morning today I've been trying to reach Shorty at the garage and all morning I haven't been able to get through. Finally my friend Nate drove by there and called and informed me the shop has a closed till further notice sign on the door. He thinks they're doing some sort of renovation (I hope) but no idea when it should be open again. Now as if that wasn't bad enough, Nate decides to be possessed by the spirit of Murphy. In the demonic voice of my unseen destroyer, not considering that his words are crushing my soul and wiping out my very will to exist. In the cheeriest voice your imagination can summon, Nate decides to start listing all the possibilities of things that are wrong with the truck alphabetically from bad to apocalyptic to drink the cyanide laced kool aid now, thank you sir may I have another? There is no *sigh* inserted here because I'm hyperventilating in the worst panic attack I've ever had!!
Murphy directed me to buy a cursed truck. Cursed I tell you, Cursed!! Not ordinary cursed, not by a long shot. CURSED! By some unknown,ancient,indestructible,incurable entity that no amount of exorcism or blessing by any known religion will cast it from my Blazer! CURSED! *SIGH*
One valuable lesson that living with Murphy has taught me, Breathe and laugh at the amount of truly horrible luck I possess. Because if you don't learn to laugh at yourself amongst these circumstances so extraordinary, you will lose it.
However as stated to a friend today, Someday I'm going to accidently cross paths with a man named Murphy and on that day I am going to snap and fucking lose it on that poor unsuspecting stranger.
Till next time faithful readers,
BEX
No comments:
Post a Comment