I live in a pretty nice apartment, decent square footage, the bedrooms are pretty spacey. I like the floor plan because while it's pretty open all the rooms are also very separate. There are few bitches that I have about my place besides the bathrooms being small and the loopy broad that is our property manager. This being said, there is one thing about my apartment that truly drives me crazy. I live on the top floor, 3 flights of stairs is a pain in the ass but normally I don't have the worry about noise and an upstairs neighbor. Right around the time that we skipped Autumn in central NY and went straight to Winter, squirrels discovered a way into the crawl space between my ceiling and the roof. At first I was annoyed enough that I planned on going down to the office and complaining to the above mentioned idiot savant that runs the place. But after some minor deliberation, I decided that I wouldn't because she is the kind of person to poison the fuzzy little creatures and I don't want the brutal death of harmless woodland animals on my karma. After all the tiny little creatures are just looking for shelter in a land of unforgivable winter weather, what harm are they doing to anyone??? Fuck those fluffy little bastards!! I'm an insomniac you know this, do you have any idea how hard it is to sleep listening to 3-4 sets of tiny paws scampering around? I swear to Jesus they have found little squirrelly combat boots, there's no way on this earth that squirrels can stomp that loudly! It's New Years day, I have a hangover. I woke up to a bangin headache brought on by more jello shots than any one human should ever consume in one sitting. Of course the squirrels sense this with their evil powers and decide to start up. One squirrel said something about the other squirrels mother, insults exchanged until it escalated into full blown squirrel mayhem! Have you ever heard a squirrel growl? Imagine a squirrel in your head and then imagine the high pitched growl it would make in a throat that tiny. It's both hilarious in it's cartoonishness and disturbing in it's utter violent anger. I feel bad for the squirrel on the other end of that vicious, tiny little growl because he got a can of squirrelly whoop ass opened on him! Since the end of the 15 minute squirrel riot incited by squirrelly mutiny, it has been shockingly quiet. I'm starting to wonder if either squirrel army survived, guess I'll find out at 3 am.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Faithful readers, it's going to be a great year! My resolution this year is to keep you entertained and laughing!
Till next time,
BEX
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