Sorry Faithful Readers, I know in the past I've promised to not go this long without writing! My sincerest apologies however I've been a bit dazzled recently and you know how I am with all things shiny. All is well with me, my Universe has been the place to be for the past 2 weeks! Very happening and groovy all around me. I have allot of funny things that have caught my attention as always. However I'm still trying to figure out how any of these following stories constitutes news, interesting stories that will be made more so by my wit, yes. News, no.
First of all it looks like Karma made a visit to a very deserving person. It would seem that an investigation into John Edwards finances has begun. They're looking to see if he used any of his campaign funds to cover up his extramarital affair. To be honest I hope they find all sorts of evidence against him. He cheated on his wife got caught, lied blatantly, had a kid with his mistress, got caught, lied blatantly, his wife's cancer returned he continued to cheat and lied blatantly. Now cheating in my mind doesn't make any sense at all. My particular view is that if I'm with one partner and I find myself wanting to be with someone else then I call my partner up and break it off asap, doesn't matter what time it is.I believe that the other person deserves that small amount of respect. I'm not saying that I've always been like that, at times my morals have been well let's just say they've been fluid depending on my own self interest. But as with all things, time has made me a bit more wise. However in the case of John Edwards it just absolutely galls me because he kept getting caught and kept attempting to lie, did he really believe we the population of this country were that stupid?? You can't show us a chicken, Mr. Edwards and then try to convince us it's an ostrich! The fact that his wife was battling cancer, battling it while knowing that she wouldn't survive it and he put her through that amount of public embarrassment. Oh yeah I'm on the bandwagon/witchhunt for this douche bag. I'd lead the lynch mob if they let me. Elizabeth Edwards was a light in this dark world I hope Karma avenges that woman.
UBS Financial and Wealth Management. Oh how I love this company! Everyone has heard that their 44 page employee handbook was leaked and it's ridiculous terms have been fodder for every one with a teaspoon of humor but I had to put in my 2 cents, I can't let this one slide. Really, UBS, Really?? They banned red underwear! Because the bright color could show through some clothing. They suggested women keep their toenails clipped so as to not rip their nylon stockings and in case they did in fact rip then use clear nail polish to prevent further runs in said stockings. Please, UBS asks, do not eat an afternoon meal that contains garlic or onions as it will linger on your breath and the smell will permeate from your pores, always wear a wrist watch as it presents an appearance of punctuality, makeup for women in the work place should only consist of mascara foundation and a light tasteful lipstick, and if your an American employee "Never criticize the President". Ok that's a short list of their 44 page doctrine.
First let's be honest friends, I've done my time in the corporate world. I've conformed and blended into major companies, had my own little offices, my business cards, my attache case. There is always that one person in the office that doesn't get the whole "your breath reeks after eating a garlic pizza with a side of onions" concept. And unfortunately not just in corporate America but all through every social level there will always be that one female that has no understanding that those neon green panties that she loves so much will in fact show through the tan khakis she also loves. And there will always be the woman that puts her makeup on with a spackle spatula as long as there are people like Snookie acting as trend setters in "culture" (I use that term in reference to her very fucking loosely) Of course a wrist watch gives your appearance the air of punctuality it also as an accessory, gives an all over presentation of being well put together which puts your client at ease and inspires confidence in your abilities sub-consciously with them. I could go on and on about these little things that will make or break you in the business world, Hello, BA in Psychology!!
At first I was going to ridicule UBS for their manifesto on things such as hygiene, dress, makeup, etc. But the more I've thought of my own experiences and things that I notice out and about, I have changed my opinion. Because where as the common sense things listed above should in fact be common sense they aren't to all people. So UBS left no room for misinterpretation or error, these people realized that there would always be that "one person" lacking the common sense gene and they protected the image projected by their employees. UBS is a multi billion dollar financial institution, highly respected in the world economic community. I would be upset to walk in to their offices and be greeted by a goth girl with onion breath, I don't accept that in Hot Topic stores for god's sake why would it be okay in a wealth management firm? I will say right here in this blog and for the whole world to read, UBS I applaud you for realizing that there are stupid people in the Universe and for creating those guidelines to uphold your high standards of professionalism!! Good for you and I don't believe you should ever apologize for that, good for you UBS!!
This past week there was a really quick blurb on CNN that said Japanese Scientists should be able to successfully clone a Wooly Mammoth and they are hoping to produce a baby Mammoth in 6 years or less. Uuuummmmm, right, I think I have a problem with this. Why do we need to clone an animal that has been extinct for almost 12,000 years? What is the point in this? Did the Japanese Scientists NOT see Jurassic Park?? I will gladly send them my copy. In my quest for world domination, yes I would like an Alexandrian Army led by warriors on Wooly Mammoths however, I'd also like a pretty pink horse to carry me to my Throne as Queen of the Universe neither of which is going to happen. Unless........ Okay Japanese Scientists you've got my support!! Seriously though what are they trying to accomplish with this? It didn't work out for InGen in any of the movies guys. And between my faith in the Chaos Theory and Murphy himself, I think this is a BAD idea, lol. In 6 years there is going to be breaking news on CNN about escaped Wooly Mammoths munching on tiny Japanese Scientists. LOL, something for me to look forward to!
Till next time Faithful Readers,
Just look for the Pink haired girl on the Wooly Mammoth, ya can't miss me!
BEX!
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