So no shit ma, there we were. 3 pretty cute chic's sitting at the table in my dining/laptop area, right across from us not 2 ft away 2 of my guys sitting and chatting at the kitchen counter. The 2 guys were immersed in a stunningly boring conversation about cell phones.
Now that I've painted that background scenery for you....
The 3 pretty cute chic's were having an open and loud discussion about vibrators and the local sex shop. Detailing just about everything concerning both! During the still loud, very detailed, pretty pornirific conversation not once did either guy turn around or acknowledge that this discussion was happening a foot and a half away.
Now I am FULLY aware of the single minded, one track only male mind. I pride myself on sharing this trait with my adopted gender. However, WTF DUDE!!! We were having an in depth conversation about sex and everything sex related! How could you not hear this going on 1 1/2 feet away!! I hear the words "Sex, porn or vibrator" from 6 aisles away in a crowded grocery store and I'm running towards that conversation at full freakin' sprint pace!! Oblivious men, you guys miss out on some seriously cool shit!
Other random stuff from this week that I just can't wrap my mind around.
A commercial comes on while I'm catching up on episodes of my Kathy Griffin shows, it's one of those commercials that is for people to call a 1-800 # if you've had an adverse reaction to a prescription drug. This one in particular was for the drug Chantix. I kid you not this is exactly what it said on the commercial! I couldn't make this shit up if I tried! "If YOU or a loved one has attempted OR COMMITTED suicide while taking this drug call 1-800***-**** as you may be entitled to a cash settlement from the manufacturer of Chantix."
REALLY!! If I have committed suicide exactly how the hell am I suppose to dial the number and more importantly how do I cash the check if I'm deceased??? Doesn't anyone proof read this shit before it gets taped? Doesn't anyone edit this? Doesn't anyone watch the finished commercial BEFORE it goes on the air across the world? C'mon, seriously!?!
Next.
Will someone please explain kiddie pageants to me? What is the lure of dressing your 4 year old daughter up as a high priced call girl? Little girls do not need wigs/hair pieces, false teeth, spray tans and bikini judging!!!! Little girls DO NOT need makeup that would look better under a black light while they're hanging upside down on a pole! What kind of twisted sick freak thinks it's okay for a toddler to wear little high heels and false eye lashes?
I get that you think your little girl is the prettiest thing in shoe leather. I fully understand this. I understand that every little girl wants to be a princess. Buy her a dress up box and a crown! Let her prance her little heart out in the living room till she can prance no more! But to make up a kid like that and make her strut like she's a hooker in front of other people? Pull your head out of your ass and stop pushing your insecurities off on your daughter. To all the pageant moms: Put down the cake fat ass, clear your skin up, workout and go join a pageant yourself if it means so much to you period end of discussion.
Next.
I went to a new salon this week to snag a haircut because I was positively shaggy. My usual place is down the road a fair piece and this new one is right across the street. This little convienance brought out 2 questions.
Why did I get charged $25 to get a boy's haircut? You have all seen my hair. It is brutally short and pink. Very simply these are the instructions I give to all hairdressers: Shave it with a guard 2 around the sides and back, top is spiky short and do not trim my bangs. That's it nothing else. $25? I don't think so buddy!
2nd question. WTF is the trend with the "Jersey Shore" look? You've tanned so much your the same color as my leather purse! Tan is attractive. The leather look isn't, I don't care what Snookie says. Why would you trust anything named "Snookie"? The big bump of hair on top of your head doesn't do anything for anyone. There is not a guy in that crowded club saying "Hhhmmmm she has a smokin little body but the hair bump just isn't big enough for me!" or a group of guys saying "Well dude she's hot but not tan enough to match my Italian Leather shoes yet, so I'll pass." or another group saying "Damn she's about to fall outta that top but I don't know, looks like she only used 1 set of false eyelashes and only 2 black eye pencils, not enough for me dude." This look isn't attractive, it's fucking scary!! You come up on a strange guy looking like that and he's gonna flinch and take 2 steps back!
Okay so there are the things that make no sense to me this week. Hope all enjoyed as much as I did. Till next time faithful readers,
Bex!
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